Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Playoff Musings part vi

THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE THE PLAYOFFS
Yes, you probably already knew all this. But it's news to me.

RAJON RONDO IS FOR REALSIES.
Fa'real. In my defense, reading Bill Simmons' columns (and I do, with a religious fervor somewhere between Footloose John Lithgow and Holiday Catholic) is like listening to Al Franken talk about the democratic party. Or, better, Greg Kot talk about Wilco. Not exactly fair and balanced. So, when I read Simmons' usual raves about his beloved C's and the potential greatness of Rondo, I was a little skeptical. But I repent because, to quote Dire Straits, "Oh yeah, the boy can play." The PG position is in good hands for the next 10 years: Rondo, D-Will, CP3, Derrick Rose, Jordan Farmar...

THE LAKERS ARE FLAWED.
Fa'lawed. The best team in the league squandered leads to the 8th-seeded, limping, in-fighting Utah Jazz. In every game. The flaws I saw: 1) The killer instinct- seen in teams like the Every Other Year Spurs, Larry's Celtics, Jordan's Bulls- is not there. 2) Bynum is not the new Kareem. He is streaky and prone to disappearing acts. 3) Their defense is spotty. It can be very good, but they just wanted to outscore the Jazz (which they did). And 4) Kobe is a mammoth douche. An unstoppable mammoth douche (seriously, Ronnie Brewer and Andrei Kirilenko played admirably but Kobe's arsenal of Shots To Counter Tight Defense is the real deal), but a mammoth douche nonetheless. Laker apologists claim that the team's just "getting its playoff legs." Whatever helps you sleep. Go Cavs.

I DON'T WANT BEN GORDON ON MY TEAM
The way he talked about his game-changing shots was so narcissistic and clearly "Hey, media, this ain't only the Derrick Rose show" as to be completely off-putting. Contrast it to Derrick Rose's humble, unassuming appoach and it puts off all the more. Then after the big 2OT win, rather than say, "WE came together" he said (paraphrase alert), 'I told the guys, we're through playing. Let's go get this. And they responded to me.'" What a desperate grab for the public perception of Who Leads The Bulls. Also, he grabbed his crotch, just like classic MJ would've. Oh wait.

TEAMS WILL BLOW UP OR FANS WON'T SHOW UP.
The Pistons and the Jazz, in particular, have to shake things up or- in this economic climate- ticket sales will dive like a barely-pre-stitches Greg Louganis. This is not the economic climate to test your diehards. If you look, in particular, at Game 5 of Jazz/Lakers, it became painfully apparent who wasn't wondering if their travel agent could bump their flight up a couple days.

CHAUNCEY IS THE CURE FOR CANCER
Tell the teams upon teams of medical researchers to stop their studies. The Denver Thuggets, just a year after disappointing all of Colorado, most of Wyoming, and at least half of George Karl, are playing killer basketball. They DESTROYED a team led by "the best PG in the game" by more than FIFTY POINTS. How does a playoff team get pulp-beaten by another playoff team to that demoralizing degree? Like his old buddy KG before him, Chauncey Billups changed the atmosphere in the mile high locker room. He is the anti-cancer.

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