Playoff Musings, Breakfast at Sulimay's Edition

The internet is a bottomless mine of creative and interesting things. Here is the latest thing I've found that I wish I would have though of first (via Stereogum). This is a group of candid old folks somewhere near Philadelphia who are given new music and whole-heartedly critique it. They share the same feelings on Animal Collective as yours truly, some love for universal blog darling Bon Iver, mixed opinions on hip-hop and a generally honest assessment of the music. Although the reviews are only based on 30 second clips, it still worth wasting a half hour or so seeing these old people cut through the hype/crap and call it as it is.

In the same vein of the aforementioned breakfast troupe, I am going to try and cut through some of the lingering hype of this years playoffs.

First of all, I think Dwight Howard is right. I wouldn't have said it at the first of the post season because the only previous hype he had gotten was over some ridiculous Dunk Contest theater. But as we stand today, I agree whole heartedly. (WARNING: He could drop a big turd sandwich the rest of the series and I would immediately do a 180 and give him the two word review for Spinal Tap's album Shark Sandwich.)

Second, we have briefly mentioned on here before the over use of the word CLOSER in the playoffs this year. It makes for a nice surface deep cross-over term from baseball, but what is a closer? In baseball its the guy you bring in when you are ahead in the 8th or 9th inning. So, your closer is your best front runner, your best pitcher for 3 to 6 outs when you are ahead. So if we cross over without changing the meaning, Kobe is the best front runner in the game. I am no expert on Kobe Bryant, but I think many people would agree that he is the best at playing from ahead. Last nights blow out is a perfect of example of him being terrible at playing from behind, which would only solidify him as a front runner. But here is the question; isn't everyone better playing with the lead as opposed to playing from behind or in close games? (On a side note, Kobe had a non-awkward moment last night, just to see what it was like.)

This brings me to my next point. Stats. In baseball we track hitting with runners in scoring position (on second or third base), so shouldn't we track players performance in close moments of games? It could be broken down to certain scenarios; down 20+, down 15-20, down 9-15, down 4-8, down 3 to up 3, up 4-8, up 9-15, up 15 to 20 and up 20+. To me that would be most telling of a players value on the court. Do they still play as hard, make correct decisions or take good shots as they are falling behind? I think you would find, if these stats existed, that coaches could coach better, by playing guys in the right situations. JR Smith is a good example. Great when its not a close game. Paul Pierce is great at making comebacks. Chauncey Billups on the other hand seems to play better in tight games. Now these are only gut feelings. Some stats would really tell the tale.

Back to Billups. He has to love playing the Lakers going clear back to the '04 Finals, when him and the New Bad Boys dismantled the Laker Dynasty. How many Nuggets games do you thing Joe Dumars has watched this post season? Do you thinks its more than Iverson has watched? I for one have watched almost all of them. And I have never been more impressed with the guy who used to sport the zig-zag shaved in part in his eraser head flattop. He seems to always make the right decisions, has just as big of a killer instinct as the Black Snake, and has a believable smile.

And a few random observations.

When was the last time Jeff Van Gundy Slept?
He has reached the Emperor Palpatine level of bags under his eyes.

Is it just me or does Phil Jackson look like Frankenstein on the sidelines in his extra large chair and lack of rotation in his neck?

Musings des Playoffés, Conference Finalés

Boston ran out of gas somewhere in the second half of Game 6 and now we have my 4 least favorite playoff teams still in it; LA, Denver, Orlando and Cleveland. Now the great mental debate is to figure out which of those teams is the lesser of the evils. I can't go with LA and even less after the Spike Lee mockumentary. Denver was winning my heart over a little with some Billups, being paired up against the Lakers, and Carmelo losing his cornrows and baby fat, but they are still the Nuggets. Orlando has the worst jerseys still in play. And Cleveland has all the hype and the overflowing bandwagon. I don't really know how to keep interest in these playoffs now. And to top it off, there are now TWO Kobe/LeBron commercials after the Nike Muppets showed up. We all know what that means. The Conference Finals are a formality.

All these things stacked against me left me looking for something to grab on to. Then it hit me, if a McCafé can make work that much better, then maybe it will make these playoffs better. So lets look at last nights game through McCafé-eyes and see if it helps.

Before the game we had the Draft Lotteré. Highlights there included the Larry Bird Face (as seen here), Stern giving the stiff arm during the pre-lottery interview, a Chris Webber we-just-got-screwed-but-I-shouldn't-have-expected-different laugh and the best was the hand shakes between the the final three.

First of all we no longer have Kobe or Nene, but Kobé and Nené. The latter was solid for three quarters and turned into a lost fourth grader in the last quarter. The former had the opposite type of game thanks to the officiating manage-a-trois.

We had a little Chauncé making some big shots. But it was only a little. Perhaps one of the most perplexing story lines of the playoffs is how the terrible Lakers PGs don't get killed every night. Sure they let Williams have some good games, but he wasn't as dominant as he should have been. Lil' Chris Rock could only torch them every other game. And shouldn't Chauncé have had 30-15?

Next we had Uglé. Formerly known as Ugly and before that he was known as Pau Gasol. He somehow had more offensive rebounds than the big, crazy Brazilian Nené. As long as the smaller Uglé is pushing around the beast of Nené, we are in for a lot more post-tip-in primal screams.

Carmelo Anthoné. Gosh he played good last night. But even with that and some McCafé I still can't do the Anthoné.

Can anyone explain to me how, when Odomé and Birdmané were spooning on the floor and Odomé was the big spoon, it could have been considered a jump ball? That was the beginning of the hosé job and a sign of things to come.

Playoff Musings, Round 2, pt. 2

Cleveland Cavaliers

LeBron's only misstep was his painfully executed banter with Jay Harris after accepting the MVP award.

Cleveland is printing the "Fo, Fo, Fo, Fo" shirts right now....assuming they already got permission from Moses.

Denver Nuggets

Chauncy joins the list of guys "I didn't like but this year's playoffs is turning me into a fan." This sure didn't hurt things either.

The rest of the list includes
1. Yao Ming (looks good in a suit too)
2. Ron Artest
3. Billups
4. LeBron (the way they have handled killing everyone is much more mature than I predicted)
5. Battier (a hand in Kobe's face on every shot...no matter what. Show me 5 guys who can and will do that)

Houston Rockets

Remember the 2000 Western Conference finals? LA was up 3-1 going back to Staples but Arvydas and Co. won the next two games only to get screwed in game 7. You might not remember that because the screw-job on the Kings two years later was even worse. They took it in both games 6 and 7. Volumes have been written on the thoroughness of that particular hose job. Fast forward to 2009. Yao breaks his foot in a game 3 loss, Artest looses his cool and the home court we all thought Houston could protect was gone. So the Rockets roll over and LA books their flights to Denver. Not so. Chris Rock/Andre 3000/Aaron Brooks shows up in a red bowtie and saves the day. Great. Now LA wins at home in game 5, Houston in game 6, setting up a screw job of all screw jobs in game 7. Now that is a lot of screw jobs in one paragraph. Dang straight it is. There is no way Houston or Denver is making it to the Finals this year. Want proof? Here it is.

At least we got some memorable and intriguing series before the script became to obvious to overlook.

Playoff Musings part vi

THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE THE PLAYOFFS
Yes, you probably already knew all this. But it's news to me.

RAJON RONDO IS FOR REALSIES.
Fa'real. In my defense, reading Bill Simmons' columns (and I do, with a religious fervor somewhere between Footloose John Lithgow and Holiday Catholic) is like listening to Al Franken talk about the democratic party. Or, better, Greg Kot talk about Wilco. Not exactly fair and balanced. So, when I read Simmons' usual raves about his beloved C's and the potential greatness of Rondo, I was a little skeptical. But I repent because, to quote Dire Straits, "Oh yeah, the boy can play." The PG position is in good hands for the next 10 years: Rondo, D-Will, CP3, Derrick Rose, Jordan Farmar...

THE LAKERS ARE FLAWED.
Fa'lawed. The best team in the league squandered leads to the 8th-seeded, limping, in-fighting Utah Jazz. In every game. The flaws I saw: 1) The killer instinct- seen in teams like the Every Other Year Spurs, Larry's Celtics, Jordan's Bulls- is not there. 2) Bynum is not the new Kareem. He is streaky and prone to disappearing acts. 3) Their defense is spotty. It can be very good, but they just wanted to outscore the Jazz (which they did). And 4) Kobe is a mammoth douche. An unstoppable mammoth douche (seriously, Ronnie Brewer and Andrei Kirilenko played admirably but Kobe's arsenal of Shots To Counter Tight Defense is the real deal), but a mammoth douche nonetheless. Laker apologists claim that the team's just "getting its playoff legs." Whatever helps you sleep. Go Cavs.

I DON'T WANT BEN GORDON ON MY TEAM
The way he talked about his game-changing shots was so narcissistic and clearly "Hey, media, this ain't only the Derrick Rose show" as to be completely off-putting. Contrast it to Derrick Rose's humble, unassuming appoach and it puts off all the more. Then after the big 2OT win, rather than say, "WE came together" he said (paraphrase alert), 'I told the guys, we're through playing. Let's go get this. And they responded to me.'" What a desperate grab for the public perception of Who Leads The Bulls. Also, he grabbed his crotch, just like classic MJ would've. Oh wait.

TEAMS WILL BLOW UP OR FANS WON'T SHOW UP.
The Pistons and the Jazz, in particular, have to shake things up or- in this economic climate- ticket sales will dive like a barely-pre-stitches Greg Louganis. This is not the economic climate to test your diehards. If you look, in particular, at Game 5 of Jazz/Lakers, it became painfully apparent who wasn't wondering if their travel agent could bump their flight up a couple days.

CHAUNCEY IS THE CURE FOR CANCER
Tell the teams upon teams of medical researchers to stop their studies. The Denver Thuggets, just a year after disappointing all of Colorado, most of Wyoming, and at least half of George Karl, are playing killer basketball. They DESTROYED a team led by "the best PG in the game" by more than FIFTY POINTS. How does a playoff team get pulp-beaten by another playoff team to that demoralizing degree? Like his old buddy KG before him, Chauncey Billups changed the atmosphere in the mile high locker room. He is the anti-cancer.