Wire Tapped Conversation

The following conversation was leaked by an as yet unnamed government operative who happened to be wiretapping either Chris Bosh (suspicion that he is actually an alien?) or Carlos Boozer (just trying to deport for the hell of it). It occurred someplace in South Beach last Saturday night.

BOSH: Hey, Booz.

BOOZ: Hey, Bosh.

BOSH: (awkward silence) Look, yo. I got to clear the air.

BOOZ: Sure. And why are you suddenly talking like you're some urban playground dude?

BOSH: Not sure.

BOOZ: Fine. Continue.

BOSH: OK. So I need to clear the air– when you referred to the Miami Heat as the Big 2, that kind of hurt my feelings. I mean, I make as much money as they do!

BOOZ: Ah, man, Bosh. I'm sorry. I didn't think you would take it THAT way...

BOSH: What do you mean.

BOOZ: I mean, I know and everybody knows that you make as much money as they do. You're undeniable that way.

BOSH: (blushing) Aw, thanks, Booz.

BOOZ: Yeah. What I meant was: they are the Big 2 of SKILLS, of SUPERSTARDOM, of PLAYING BASKETBALL. Not money, Bosh.

BOSH: (relieved) Oh good. I thought maybe you were trying to insinuate that I don't get paid like they do.

BOOZ: Never.

BOSH: Man, I'm glad we talked about this. Now look there's this other thing...

BOOZ: Yeah?

BOSH: I was thinking...

BOOZ: Go on, Boshie.

BOSH: What if, tomorrow, we just sorta let each other go off. Shut up the naysayers who are saying we're soft and overpaid and not producing. Just a gentlemen's agreement. You get your 20-10. I get mine.

BOOZ: Interesting.

BOSH: I just think it's mutually beneficial.

BOOZ: It is. It is. But I'm gonna need at least 15 boards just to shut up Noah.

BOSH: I'll give you 15 boards. You give me 3o points...I'm a scorer. Ight?

BOOZ: Ight.

BOSH: (pauses) What about who wins?

BOOZ: (waits, watches Bosh for a reaction) You know we don't care about the W's. Just the GW's. (laughs maniacally as if he has just dunked on a role player when the game is already out of hand)

BOSH: (laughs)

BOOZ: (laughs more)

BOSH: (tries to laugh more than Boozer, gets tired) Look, we get paid the same for an L or a W. And we both know neither of us is gonna win or lose a game for any team, much less these two.

BOOZ: So...we on? 20-15 for me? 30-10 for you?

BOSH: We on. (shakes hand)

BOTH: (letting go, wringing hands gingerly with overdramatic winces)

BOSH: You know I played more than you in the Olympics, though, right?

BOOZ: Huh?

BOSH: Nothing.

Jazz vs Jazz East Roundup

Just some thoughts about last night's Jazz vs Jazz East (or Bulls, as some might call them) game:

I STILL DON'T MISS BOOZER

I'm not going to overstate it and tell you that the inspired performances by Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap (who was especially gritty and teethy at the start) are proof positive that we're better off without Boozer. That's what the local media is for. I realize that it's one game and you can't get too hot or cold on one game. And I realize that, if you get really statty about it, neither Jefferson nor Millsap is necessarily out-statting Boozer either this year or when he was with the Jazz. And of course there are other factors, but...I don't miss his lack of heart at all. Compare Boozer's limp showing last night to LeBron returning to Ohio. Anyone with even a little heart would really wanna show up in a game like last night. But Boozer just continues to punch the clock. And Millsap continued to show why his game and heart are endearing and 1000x better for the team than a guy who puts up good numbers with no heart. ESPN's headline "Boozer Helps Bulls Beat Old Team" is true in the same way that "(Insert Any Non Crucial Player On Bulls) Helps Bulls Beat Jazz" is.

I STILL LOVE ANDREI KIRILENKO

OK. He's overpaid. That's old news. And he probably hasn't worked like a guy making Alpha Dog money should. But, even while watching him gun ill-advised airballs last night, I found myself loving the guy. Great passer. Unusual herky jerkiness that makes him hard to guard (if not occasionally hard to watch). FOUR blocks, most of them on Boozer. Steals. Basically, and I have said this a million times, he is not the best player on the floor ever, but he is a completely unique player, whose skillset is unseen in any other one player. He may leave us for a team that's a better fit, but I'll always have a soft spot for the Russian headcase.

I STILL WOULDN'T TRADE D-WILL FOR D-ROSE

But I'm willing to admit that, at least last night, Rose is the better PG. He's quick, almost impossible to stay in front of, and does so much– distribution, rebounding, tough D, running the O. Granted, D-Will's not 100% healthy with his jacked wrist, especially shooting-wise. But Rose had his way (as he does with every team and, probably, every elite guard), got to the hole, distributed, etc. It's hard to say, but I'd put Rose above Williams on the depth chart for now. I don't think D-Will will play that poorly against Rose again, though. And I'm a loyalist, so I'm sticking with my guy. They're close and I don't doubt D-Will's fire, heart, or ability. He's not gonna sit around and let the other dudes run the league. And, like I said with Boozer/Millsap/Jefferson, let's not use one game to make big blanket statements.

I STILL MISS SOMEONE

He showed us a few times last night that he still doesn't have an outside shot. But I still miss Ronnie Brewer. The missed shots and the clutch steal are RB in a nutshell. Maybe we get a little of that with CJ Miles, but (and I like CJ) Brewer seemed to just go out and get the job done, where CJ seems to need more encouragement and swagger and momentum. I guess I miss Ashton Kutcher, but I know as well as Bulls fans that for every clutch shot like last night's, there are plenty of moments where you think, "But...I thought Korver was supposed to be money..." as the losing buzzer sounds.

I STILL BELIEVE

I'm probably alone in believing in guys like Hayward and Fesenko, who show me just enough to believe they can be differencemakers (not all-stars, probably not even starters). What's wrong with being fans of Lifetime 8th Men? Hayward showed some grit and Fesenko doesn't seem to know how to back down (when properly motivated).

Win Watch (the morning after)

Well, that was quick:

one back spasm, a Pau-less night, and a date with the Spurs later and the Lake Show are 29-9.

Bill Simmons (whose Book of Basketball I am devouring right now, much to the neglected chagrin of my wife) put the Bulls 72-win season as one of the unbreakable records and- with two very stacked, very motivated teams going for it and failing this season- I think he might be right.

Maybe we should call this Loss Watch instead. Because, for the Lakers, we just have to watch for a couple more.

Win Watch

With players' preseason predictions (in some cases- Mr. Wallace- overt and other cases- Mr. Artest and your backwards Number of Wins- less so) in mind, let's look at how that hubris is shaking out for L.A. and Boston.

Boston already has 10 losses (as does Cleveland), which is nothing to be ashamed of by any means. Unless, of course, you had the 72-Win Bulls in your sights. In which case, all you have to do is win the remainder of your games.

If that doesn't pan out, Boston, you can still shoot for the second best regular season record of all time (1971-72 Lakers' 69-win season).

At 19-8, the Kobes have a better shot. They can afford TWO losses between now and the end of the regular season (or three losses to tie it up with their 71-72 counterparts). Which should be a zen-like cakewalk given the lack of injuries, trade rumors that are bound to destroy Bynum's toughness, and the inevitable Kardashian disruptions.

Chicago, in their enchanted season, had 60 wins by the time that 8th loss crept around (with 14 games to play). I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that neither Wallace nor Artest is gonna see their predictions come true.

I know: ballsy call on my part.

Rose Family Reunion: Pete and Derrick

This summer TBC had an all access pass to the Rose Family Reunion in rural Iowa. As promised, this is the first bit of wisdom given to Derrick by one of his famous extended family members; Pete "Charlie Hustle" Rose.

When we found out Pete was going to be at the family farm we were ecstatic. Pete is a favorite around here, with my parents even giving me his namesake. I imagined hearing stories about the Big Red Machine, walking out onto the field in Atlanta as a part of the All Century Team and then pretty much telling Jim Gray where to stick it, and finding out who cuts his hair. None of our dreams came true and actually, we had a hard time tracking down Pete once we arrived.

Late into the first day we lost track of Derrick. We walked around and around the farm again and again, in vain attempts at locating the guest of honor. We checked in the barn. Nope. We looked in the tool shed. Again, not there. We checked in the cellar. Not there either. Then we went behind the woodshed and we found Pete with his arm around little Derrick, having a little heart to heart.

"You know Derrick, I was Rookie of the Year," said Pete.

Derrick is looking at him like he is speaking a foreign language, probably wondering why they are out behind the woodshed.

Pete continued. "I won the rookie of the year because I hustled. Nothing was given to me. It was a tough time trying to make it in the bigs back then. But the 60's were a great time, not quite as good as the 80's but pretty close. Anything beats those damn hippies. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, rookie of the year. Well if there is one thing I can tell you about the season after is that you are going to have anything you want. I mean anything."

Derrick stops gazing off into the distance and looks slightly interested.

Pete went on to talk about all the important people he met and all the women and just as he was about to lose Derrick's interest again he said this.

"Just make sure you go slide head first any time you can and remember the rule of Andy."

"The rule of Andy?"

"Yes. Andy. A - N - D - E. Admit nothing, deny everything. I forgot that one time and I will never, ever forgive myself for it. Oh and if that still doesn't work and you need anything else, I mean ANYTHING, here is Ronnie's number."

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 14

Team Name: Ro(b)se Roy, or Rose Roys (like the car, get it?)
Team Members: Derrick Rose and Brandon Roy

Neither player is an English merchant nor have they likely been to the Scottish Highlands, but Liam Neeson wasn't a perfect fit either and he got the part. (For the record, I know Rob Roy isn't Neeson's character. I can use IMDB like the best of them.)

Anyway we figured Roy would be a lock since he's continually considered The Next (Steve Smith?) and since Oden was with Durant, there was no other logical choice. So we resorted to our best bet: a play on last names. Sorry. Still, it's a talented team but probably better in about 5 years.

The Half Way Point

Since the end of the 2007-2008 NBA season, half of the leagues teams have changed coaches. 8 teams got new coaches over the off season and 7 have changed drivers mid-race.

There appears to be more stability among the dance teams of the the Association, or at least the players are paying more attention to them.

Here are my top 5 coaches who could be fired by the end of the season, with their respective odds.
(note: I have no inside connection to any team and this is all purely made up, but if I am right...)

Jim O'Brien 5:1
The Pacers are overachieving and underachieving on a nightly basis. It won't be long before its late on night and Larry Legend starts thinking Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy are actually good players and its the coach that is making them miss wide open jumpers. Plus O'Brien never lasts more than 2 seasons anywhere.

Lawrence Frank 9:1
The first 2010 coaching change, unless you count the D'Antoni move.
You really think LeBron wants to play for this guy? He looks like Doogie Howser for crying out loud.

Mike Dunleavy 100:1
Seems like it should be more likely, but that would mean the Clippers would have a chance to be mediocre again. The space-time continuum can't have that now can it.

Vinny Del Negro 20:1
I'm still not sure how this hire happened so it can't last, right?

Scott Brooks 20:1
He will undoubtedly be the winningest coach in OKC history. A record that should remain unchallenged for decades