Possible Landing Places For Agent Zero

(how ironic is that nickname now, with all the gun toting?)

Now that Gilbert Arenas' basketball future is in question (at very least with the Wiz, er, Bullets), it's never too soon to think ahead. So where could Arenas land? Besides the clink, of course...

...a cameo on the current season of 24 as, what else, a professional basketball player who brings an unauthorized weapon on a White House visit. Is he a loose cannon with a vendetta against the president? Or just a moron? Stay tuned next week (sound of time ticking down).

...the Harlem Globetrotters could use a little edge and a man with Arenas' personality and skills is a rare find.

...NRA conventions have to pay handsomely, don't they?

...YouTube. A self-parody has helped many troubled stars (Pee Wee Herman, for instance, killed when he opened an MTV awards show- right after his "incident"- with the self-deprecating line, "Heard any good jokes lately?") Gilbert needs to hire some of the FunnyOrDie.com folks to help him skewer himself in style.

...The Ernie/Kenny/Chuck show. Imagine somebody crazier than Barkley.

...a Jackie Chan movie. Now that the Chris Tuckers and Owen Wilsons of the world have turned and run, old man Chan needs a new, cross-cultural foil. Who better than a trigger-happy jock?

Any other ideas?

DEEEE-TROIT!!!

From ESPN.com:

An announced crowd of only 13,544 showed up to watch these struggling teams. The Pistons are now 12-25, and Washington is 12-24; in the Eastern Conference, only the NBA-worst New Jersey Nettes (TBC change) have fewer victories.

A. My guess is that the announced crowd exceeded the actual crowd. It's almost always that way.
B. At what point are the Pistons going to stop PRETENDING to make big changes and actually make big changes?
C. The Bullets, er, Wiz can't really blame that crappy record on the drama surrounding Agent .22, er, Zero. He was playing in plenty of those L's.
D. What part of Kid Rock's career (remember: we are sort of trying to stick to our preseason themes- Detroit's was how the team's season parallels Kid Rock's career) are we looking at now? My suggestions: maybe when Uncle Kracker (basically a Kid Rock coattailer)'s career took off? Or, and this is the one I like, when Kid Rock recorded a duet with Sheryl Crow for country radio that may have been moderately successful at the time but basically de-balled him for life AND, in retrospect, was desperate and, hey, NOT GOOD. The parallels with the "big" Villanueva (or as Hot Rod Hundley used to call him Villavanovia) and Gordon signings are too good to pass up.

Prophetic

Remember these posts, when we basically said that- until the Wizards (horrible name) change back to the Bullets (good name that wasn't so great in the Marion Berry/The Wire era)- the curse would continue?

Well, how appropriately poetic are the latest DC developments?

We speculated that the usual injuries and bad luck would upend this year's Wizards, but ACTUAL BULLETS? (OK. Guns. But still.) Amazing.

Trade-In-Cheek Chatter

The Mothership is reporting all kinds of trades. And by all kinds I mean any possible scenario to get you to click around on the website. But the question is, are any of them true? Can anybody confirm or deny the veracity?

Here are a couple that we are getting reports that are all but done according to sources.

POSTED Feb 19 at 11:05 MST

The Source reports that the Nets are going to send Jay-Z to the Wizards in exchange for Arenas. Reports say the Wizards are interested in bringing HOVA on to perform at half time the rest of the season in an attempt to sell tickets. It also works out for Nets co-owner Bruce Ratner who is looking for a personal chef. Hibachi has no real value on the court at this point so we have to assume the reports are true.

POSTED Feb 19 at 11:09 MST

A three-way trade is reported between the Phoenix Suns, Chicago Bulls and Charlotte Bobcats. In the trade the Bulls would land Bobcats GM Michael Jordan and Suns GM Steve Kerr, the Suns would receive Joe Johnson and Shawn Marion back somehow and the Bobcats would "just be happy to have anyone else as their GM".


The following reports are highly probable according to The Black Converse insiders.

POSTED Feb 19 at 10:54 MST

In an attempt to dispel the circulating rumors about his still mysterious trips to the Dominican Republic in 2001 with pal A-Rod, LeBron James will switch from Tic-Tacs to Mentos. He will also erase A-Rod's Cousin's number from his cell phone.

POSTED Feb 19 at 11:14 MST

The Salt Lake Tribune reports that Carlos Boozer will trade the remaining season and the rest of next season to the Jazz in exchange for wearing suits and giving high-fives during games. The deal is contingent on Boozer being excused from attending any team practices and press conferences.


The following reports are long-shots according to TBC insiders.

POSTED Feb 19 at 10:44 MST

The Houston Rockets had been shopping teeMAK to Darfur in exchange for anything...anything. Trades have since broken down now that more light has been shed on TmaK's injury. Rockets owner Daryl Morey will now finish off that bottle of scotch and turn Nick Drake back on. Rockets PR declined our attempts to contact him only responding with "Mr. Morey requested that Sally, hold all his calls."