Dragon Slaying

The Lakers, Spurs, Blazers, Nuggets, Jazz, Suns and Mavs have all been staples of the Western Conference playoffs the last decade or so. This lack of diversity in the Playoff gene pool has led to some great playoff games, great meltdowns and a great set up for this year. The late 90's proved to be the same kind of scenario in the Eastern Conference with the Knicks, Bulls, Pacers, and Heat. Coming from those series were a number of great Jordan moments, Reggie's theatrics and heroics versus the Knicks, and the Playoffs best announcer, Jeff Van Gundy, clinging to Alonzo Mourning's leg. It seemed that every year a Heat/Knicks matchup was inevitable, because it was. From 1997-2000, they met every year in the Playoffs and played the maximum number of games each series, with the clinching game of the series being decided in the closing moments of the game. Miami only beat the Knicks in one of those four series, the first one in 1997. After that, the Knicks became Miami's dragon; the naturally sworn enemy and inevitable matchup for the Heat, a matchup they could never overcome.

The Heat went through another stretch, although much shorter and less dramatic, when a matchup with the Detroit Pistons seemed destined every year. This may have had more to do with the Pistons versus Shaquille O'Neal (dating back to their upset of the Shaq/Malone/Kobe Lakers), but it was the Heat's dragon to slay if they wanted to win a championship. This year, the west is full of such destined matchups. Mavs/Spurs. Jazz/Nuggets. Suns/Spurs. Jazz/Lakers (potential). Suns/Lakers (potential). Lakers/Spurs (potential). Jazz/Spurs (potential). Its almost a paper/rock/scissors set up. Spurs own the Suns, Lakers own the Jazz, Spurs own the Lakers, Lakers own the Suns, and for the sake of the analogy lets just say the Jazz own the Suns. Each team seems to have a date with destiny, a passage though fire, or any other cliched hero/dating reference. Somebody is going to have to slay their team's figurative dragon.

Who wins in all this melee? We do. The way the first round has gone, we can almost assume that round two will be turned up to 11. I'm still hoping that Kevin Durant walks on water for the next two games of the Lakers/Thunder series, but if not it doesn't mean that the best basketball is behind us. Rather, its yet to come.

CaraMelo Count: 2

41 pts 6 rebs 3 assists 52% FG 18-19 FTs

ATTN: Carmelo

You keep this up and we'll need your billing address to give to our dentist.

- TBC

Caramelo Count: 1

As deeply as it pains me as a Jazz fan to say it (only one game into the season too), The Melo balled last night*. The dunk (above) on Milsap alone (minus the post-dunk preening and self-affirmation) is enough to make me eat my first Caramello** of the season. Paul Milsap is one of my favorite players, a real hustler with game, but- hey- throw an outlet pass like that and you'll get what you deserve. You win this time, mellow Cara.



PS: The incessant blitz by the Thugget/Caramelo/ESPN camp about The Melo's MVP candidacy is nauseating. No one ever marketed their way to an MVP. Play like one, then think about getting one.



* Not surprisingly, Deron Williams turned in a near equal line but went under the announcers' Gush Radar.
MELO: 30 pts, 50% shooting, 1-2 3pt, 7-10 FT, +/- of -7, 8 reb, 5 ast, 1 stl, 2 TO, 1 blk
DWILL: 28 pts, 60% shooting, 2-3 3pt, 8-8 FT, +/- of +4, 3 reb, 13 ast, 1 stl, 5 TO

** Two "L"s. Who knew?

Musings des Playoffés, Conference Finalés

Boston ran out of gas somewhere in the second half of Game 6 and now we have my 4 least favorite playoff teams still in it; LA, Denver, Orlando and Cleveland. Now the great mental debate is to figure out which of those teams is the lesser of the evils. I can't go with LA and even less after the Spike Lee mockumentary. Denver was winning my heart over a little with some Billups, being paired up against the Lakers, and Carmelo losing his cornrows and baby fat, but they are still the Nuggets. Orlando has the worst jerseys still in play. And Cleveland has all the hype and the overflowing bandwagon. I don't really know how to keep interest in these playoffs now. And to top it off, there are now TWO Kobe/LeBron commercials after the Nike Muppets showed up. We all know what that means. The Conference Finals are a formality.

All these things stacked against me left me looking for something to grab on to. Then it hit me, if a McCafé can make work that much better, then maybe it will make these playoffs better. So lets look at last nights game through McCafé-eyes and see if it helps.

Before the game we had the Draft Lotteré. Highlights there included the Larry Bird Face (as seen here), Stern giving the stiff arm during the pre-lottery interview, a Chris Webber we-just-got-screwed-but-I-shouldn't-have-expected-different laugh and the best was the hand shakes between the the final three.

First of all we no longer have Kobe or Nene, but Kobé and Nené. The latter was solid for three quarters and turned into a lost fourth grader in the last quarter. The former had the opposite type of game thanks to the officiating manage-a-trois.

We had a little Chauncé making some big shots. But it was only a little. Perhaps one of the most perplexing story lines of the playoffs is how the terrible Lakers PGs don't get killed every night. Sure they let Williams have some good games, but he wasn't as dominant as he should have been. Lil' Chris Rock could only torch them every other game. And shouldn't Chauncé have had 30-15?

Next we had Uglé. Formerly known as Ugly and before that he was known as Pau Gasol. He somehow had more offensive rebounds than the big, crazy Brazilian Nené. As long as the smaller Uglé is pushing around the beast of Nené, we are in for a lot more post-tip-in primal screams.

Carmelo Anthoné. Gosh he played good last night. But even with that and some McCafé I still can't do the Anthoné.

Can anyone explain to me how, when Odomé and Birdmané were spooning on the floor and Odomé was the big spoon, it could have been considered a jump ball? That was the beginning of the hosé job and a sign of things to come.

Playoff Musings, Round 2, pt. 2

Cleveland Cavaliers

LeBron's only misstep was his painfully executed banter with Jay Harris after accepting the MVP award.

Cleveland is printing the "Fo, Fo, Fo, Fo" shirts right now....assuming they already got permission from Moses.

Denver Nuggets

Chauncy joins the list of guys "I didn't like but this year's playoffs is turning me into a fan." This sure didn't hurt things either.

The rest of the list includes
1. Yao Ming (looks good in a suit too)
2. Ron Artest
3. Billups
4. LeBron (the way they have handled killing everyone is much more mature than I predicted)
5. Battier (a hand in Kobe's face on every shot...no matter what. Show me 5 guys who can and will do that)

Houston Rockets

Remember the 2000 Western Conference finals? LA was up 3-1 going back to Staples but Arvydas and Co. won the next two games only to get screwed in game 7. You might not remember that because the screw-job on the Kings two years later was even worse. They took it in both games 6 and 7. Volumes have been written on the thoroughness of that particular hose job. Fast forward to 2009. Yao breaks his foot in a game 3 loss, Artest looses his cool and the home court we all thought Houston could protect was gone. So the Rockets roll over and LA books their flights to Denver. Not so. Chris Rock/Andre 3000/Aaron Brooks shows up in a red bowtie and saves the day. Great. Now LA wins at home in game 5, Houston in game 6, setting up a screw job of all screw jobs in game 7. Now that is a lot of screw jobs in one paragraph. Dang straight it is. There is no way Houston or Denver is making it to the Finals this year. Want proof? Here it is.

At least we got some memorable and intriguing series before the script became to obvious to overlook.