Earlier this year, as Coldplay announced a new album and tracks from it started making their way around the internet, there was a rumor that one of the new Coldplay songs was a rip-off of a Peter Allen song. There was outrage. "How can Coldplay do something like that? Can they not write their own songs anymore?" "Coldplay is a fraud. Everything they have ever done up to this point is a sham." "Chris Martin is the worst thing to happen to music since the Day the Music Died. How does he sleep at night." "Coldplay lost is as soon as Chris Martin married an actress. They are just in it for the fame."
Then the buzz died down. The album came out and the themed tour began to roll along. The dialogue shifted from critique on the songs to condemnation for the stage show and band's thematic uniform couture. Glow in the dark punk. Blacklight homelessness. Their SNL performance looked like a redux of Ke$ha's set from last season. How dare they.
Amid all this Coldplay discrediting I noticed something. I couldn't hate Coldplay. I turned up the radio or the TV anytime a new Coldplay song of came on. I got the songs stuck in my head. I set the DVR for any late-night performances. I did everything short of cover my jeans in fluorescent nail polish. Part of me wanted to break-up with them and move on and to have some disdain for Chris Martin. But I just couldn't do it. Despite having all the reasons to Coldhate, it wasn't within me.
I found the same kind of rhetoric coming at me this wek as the NBA and its players wnet "nuclear" with their labor negotiations. "I'm done with the NBA. How dare they do this to ME." "Without the fans, you are nothing. Stop being so greedy and think about US." "I'm boycotting the NBA...let's go college Basketball!" "Go ahead and bicker over billions of dollars. I won't be here when you get back." "I'm switching to hockey. NHL is so much better. I've always loved it."
I'll admit, I was defeated for about 24 hours after the decertification/disclaimer/disbanding. I was ready to #occupy the nearest NBA arena, write my local congressman, boycott the nearest business of an NBA owner, and burn my Dwyane Wade t-shirt. But as I held the match up to the shirt, I realized I would regret this. I realized the league would play again and I would want to put that shirt on before every televised game and then take it off if the Heat fell behind because I was jinxing them. And then put it back on after they made a furious comeback. I would miss wearing it during the playoffs and hopefully the Finals. I wouldn't be able to hold my anger towards the league. I wouldn't be able to boycott the NBA any better than I was boycotting Coldplay.
Sure, I'd rather be devouring analysis of the Heat/Celtics matchup that was scheduled for tonight. I'd rather Coldplay have made an album more in line with Parachutes or A Rush Of Blood To The Head. At the very least I wish there had been a labor agreement already in place, even if some games were missed, just as I would rather enjoy Mylo Xyloto without the black light psychedelia. But this is where we are. Those decisions aren't mine to make and I can only hold it against them as long as my heart will allow. Turns out it's not very long at all.
Some time from now there will be a montage of LeBron cocking back for a dunk, Dwight Howard blocking a ball into the 4th row, Kobe hitting a turn around, Chris Paul whipping a behind the back pass in traffic, Dwyane Wade making some circus shot and one, and Kevin durant knocking down an effortless 30 footer. It will likely be set to "Para, para, para-dise" and I will likely get a smile on my face as the music fades to Stu Scott setting the stage for Magic, Wilbon and Jon Barry.
I can't hate the NBA. I can't hate Coldplay. And deep down inside, I don't think you can either.
Showing posts with label NBA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NBA. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The New, New NBA
Its clear that many NBA players (and fans) have the idea to put on exhibitions in order to make some money and stay sharp against elite competition. We have seen summer league teams go at it, NBA players making cameos in Asian exhibition games, and even guys showing up in playgrounds. Since there doesn't seem to be an end to the lockout in sight, here at The Black Converse, we have decided to take matters into our own hands. We call it the Rolling Thunder Basketball Revue. It is a completely crowd-funded, traveling basketball league, funded by those who care - The Fans.
The Premise:
A traveling league of teams made up of NBA players. Teams are chose playground style with the captains being selected from the All-NBA teams this past season. Captains would be Durant, Kobe, Rose, Howard, Wade, Westbrook, Gasol, Dirk, Amare, Joe Johnson (LeBron opts out so he can play with Wade so Joe Johnson becomes the last team captain...just because you're not on the All-NBA team, doesn't mean you can't get paid like you are) Each team must have at least 5 players, but they can pick as many as they want. This is where it gets interesting. Players aren't guaranteed a salary, but rather they earn their paycheck by winning games each weekend in this traveling basketball circus. The money that comes from the crowd-funded campaign goes into a big pool and it is divided up to be distributed after each game. Winners get 65% of the pool and losers get 35%. This means that the guys are actually playing for something each game. And it also means that team captains can control how much they can earn. Less players on their roster means less of a split.
The Season
It's a 25 week season, with teasm traveling to a new city each weekend. A potential list of cities has been put together and the top 25 cities in terms of crowd fund-raising will be chosen to host the games. All teams travel at the same time, to the same city and play two games each between Friday, Saturday and Sunday (Maximizing TV Viewers) Thats 50 games per team for the season. There is a tournament at the end of the season for the top 8 teams. This tournament takes place in Las Vegas and will be a single elimination tournament (yes this means less games, but higher reward...you'll see in a minute)
Each game has a purse that is divided up from the crowd-sourced funding, with the winners taking a mojority share. A large chunk of the money is set aside for a winner-take-all tournament in Las Vegas. The top 8 teams play each other, single elimination style, for a chance at the big prize. Presumably this sum of money would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million. We want it to be appealing. This would be a 4 day tournament. First day has 4 games, second day has two. The third day is like All-Star Saturday; three point contest, dunk contest, H-O-R-S-E, two-on-two tournament. Then the fourth day is the championship game.
If this is successful, we could add new wrinkles in future campaigns. Wrinkles like "Winner Stays" where the team that wins the tournament gets to keep all their players for the next year. Or they get to decide who the other team captains are, thereby splitting up potential dominant teams. Another fun wrinkle would be managing roster moves in a more fun-to-watch way. Roster moves could be made Real World/Road Rules Challenge style.*
Now to the funding tiers.
Base Level: $10 donation
Satisfaction of knowing that professional basketball will be played. And you get to follow along. Think of how much you enjoy two $5 footlongs. Now think about how much you will enjoy this. A much more fulfilling way to spend $10.
Fan Level: $150 donation
This guarantees you a seat at one of the games. It might be a good seat or it might be a nose-bleed. All tickets aside from the first couple rows will be put into a lottery. Donating $150 will buy you a ticket into that lottery.
Real Fan Level: $1,000 donation
This is where you buy the courtside seats. Only you can't buy them for yourself. Sure it's fun to see Spike Lee barking at the refs, or Jack Nicholson being Jack Nicholson. But if you're a true fan, you'll buy these seats and give them away to Make-A-Wish kids, veterans, cancer survivors, widows, other people who deserve a courtside seat.
Official Sponsor Level: $100,000 donation
This gets your logo somewhere on the court, in the stadium, in the telecast, or wherever else we can come up with for logos. Obviously the more you donate, the more visible it will be.
Godfather Level: $80,000,000 donation
This essentially buys you the entire weekend to sponsor how ever you want. Let's say Facebook wants to do something in San Jose, well this is the cost of getting everyone for that weekend. Let's say Google wants to broadcast this on YouTube, this is the cost. Fan Level donations will still be honored. This isn't a private party.
Godfather Part II Level: $160,000,000 donation
This gets you the Vegas Tournament. If you want it and think you can handle it. Don't disappoint us. Fan Level donations will still be honored. This isn't a private party.
Godfather Part III Level: $2,000,000,000 donation
You get to run the entire league, pick the cities, design the uniforms, and make it entertaining. Basically you get to be the Mark Cuban of the entire league. We realize this is a lot of money and probably shouldn't happen. But The Godfather Part III shouldn't have happened either, so it seems only fair that the option is available. Fan Level donations will still be honored. This isn't a private party.
There you have it. Now get out your wallets and lets see some basketball this fall.
*No voting occurs, but there is a faceoff to stay in the league. (televising this could also provide additional revenue) A free agent could challenge a player on any given team to a one-on-one battle. If the free agent wins, they are on the team. If these lose, they are off and cannot challenge again for that leg of the season, nor can the player that was challenged be challenged again for that leg. For example: Team Kobe has Mike Beasley. Well Derrick Williams thinks that he can take Beasley in a one-on-one match. He challenges him and wins. Williams is now on the team. Team Kobe also has Rudy Gay. Brandon Roy has been nursing his knee back to health and thinks he can take Gay. So he challenges him and loses. Gay remains on the team and has "immunity" for the remainder of that leg of the tour. Roy is not allowed to challenge anyone else for that leg of the tour as well. So you have to pick your battles. Hopefully these types of battles wouldn't just be between the guys at the bottom of the food chain. Maybe Gilbert Arenas thinks he can take Kobe and he wins. Kobe is out and has to sit out the remainder of that tour leg. So Kobe is a free agent now and decides to go after Wade, and he wins. Now Wade is out. (This could be kind of exciting, right?) trade could happen the same way. If a player wants onto another team, they must challenge someone and win. If they lose, they are off their team. If they win, the players swap teams. Another example; Pau Gasol decided he wants to play with his brother Marc, but they are on different teams. So Gasol challenges Joakim Noah and wins. Now those two swap teams. Then Bosh decides he wants to get on Wade and LeBron's team. So he challenges Kevin Love and loses. Bosh is now out of the league until the next leg and his team gets to pick up someone else.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Gladwell, Edvard Munch and Empty Museums
After consuming any Malcolm Gladwell article, book, quote, thought and interview, I find myself convinced that his argument is simply the way it is. I find his writing is compelling and convincing. So much so that if he were writing about why its good to drink 3 quarts of motor oil daily, I would have a tall glass of Castrol in my hands before I even finished reading. I also need about 2 hours after reading to follow every thought and idea that comes to me. Yesterday's article about NBA Franchises, their owners and Van Gogh paintings was no exception. In the interest of validating the mental energy used yesterday, I give to you my post-Gladwell thoughts.
All of the NBA's majority owners, with the exception of Michael Jordan, earned their money doing something entirely unrelated to basketball. This means that they are experts in whatever they did (most commonly running business that grew to have enormous value) before becoming owners. Thus, they own their teams like they've owned anything else in the past. With the exception of Michael Jordan. Jordan tends to be the owner who "can't get it right". This would require further analysis, but chances are he isn't doing it wrong, he's just owning from a completely unique perspective. I personally hope he continues to do it his way and mops the floor with all the accountants and micro-finance geeks, once the Heat have banked about 5 titles of course.
Tying this thought back into the comparison of NBA franchises to fine art, I would imagine that 95% of fine art collectors are not artists and that wealthy artists own art differently than non artists own art. I bet Damien Hirst, Jeff Koons, Anish Kapoor and Jasper Johns have an entirely different philosophy about buying art than Warren Buffet, Paul Allen, Howard Schultz or Bill Gates do. Its probably not even a stretch to think that the artists actually decide the art they buy while the wealthy simply hire someone to buy art for them. Apply that thought back to the NBA and I think it starts to illuminate more nuances with the state of the league and the lockout.
Extending the metaphor to NBA teams being museums, collections of art, lead me to a new set of thoughts about the lockout. Imagine Prokorov owns The Scream by Munch, a Monet, 3 or 4 other expressionists, and a handful of paintings by painters you've never heard of. People obviously come to his museum because he has The Scream. Everyone wants to see that painting. Its not quite worth it for everyone to pay 90 bucks to come see that painting, but since he has a Monet and a couple other expressionist paintings hanging nearby, its worth the cost of admission. Bottom line is, you want a signature piece of art but you also can't have just one piece of art hanging in your museum. The collection has to be rounded out.
Most museums loan art to other museums for special exhibits, events, the heck of it. I believe there is usually a fee for acquiring some piece of art from another museum. This is how they make money. they invest in art hoping that people want to come see it at their museum and also that some other museum might want to borrow it at some point. The right investment can pay for itself 10 times over the course of a couple decades. Now back to Prokorov's collection. Which paintings is Prokorov most likely to be willing to loan out? He could probably make a killing of loaning The Scream, but then his museum is empty. So he's probably going to try and pawn off some of the expressionists that nobody will miss or his other filler pieces. On the rare exception that somebody offers him a kings ransom, he will loan out The Scream and hope that his patrons buy their tickets before finding out his signature piece is gone.
Back to real life Prokorov. His signature player, Deron Williams, is taking his talents to Turkey this fall (unless there is a miracle). Only real life Prokorov isn't getting a loaning fee. And if Williams gets hurt or doesn't come back, Prokorov is out about 16 million in cost, but there is no telling how much he might lose from people buying tickets to come see Williams. If museum owner Prokorov lost The Scream (last valued at about 82 million dollars) he would be out a whole lot more up front, but now has just as big of a hole to fill as real life Prokorov without Williams. Bottom line is that both Prokorovs stand to benefit from having signature pieces in their collection.
And that leaves us, as fans, in a good place as long as we can see our favorite works of art hanging somewhere. Sure we'd prefer that they were hanging in Brooklyn, Miami, Milwaukee or Salt Lake City, but if we have to tap into some Turkish TV channel to see them then that's okay. The real tragedy is when the art isn't hanging anywhere at all.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Bibby Fined By Bulls For Defensive Play
Breaking Story: Mike Bibby fined by the Chicago Bulls for playing defense.
ESPN's Greg Stink reports that Heat guard Mike Bibby was caught on video moving his feet on the defensive end of the court and keeping his body between Derrick Rose and the basket. The Bulls have fined Bibby $125,000.00. Sources say Bibby will not appeal the fine and he issued an apology through his agent this afternoon.
"It wasn't until after the game, when I was out of the heat of the battle, and I saw the tape that I realized how disruptive my actions were. My coaches have been telling me for years that defense is something I shouldn't play. I don't know what got into me last night and I sincerely apologize and I promise that it won’t happen again.”
Bibby also said through his agent that he didn’t expect any further action from the league and that the fine from the Chicago Bulls should be seen as sufficient punishment.
Later, after the media was let into the practice facility following the Heat’s practice, Bibby addressed the media further on the issue. He referenced the Lakers and their recent string of post-season success with an over-the-hill point guard occasionally playing some textbook defense. His point was that just because someone happened to catch his defense on tape, upload it to YouTube and then share it across Twitter and Facebook, doesn’t mean his offense was any less egregious than Derek Fisher’s undocumented defensive play. When asked about the fine as a deterrent in the future Bibby responded by saying that the culture of defense in the league is too engrained and will likely persist even with fines and public backlash.
Bibby’s later comments will surly draw repercussions from the league but he also raises some intriguing points. Surely the league will look into how to curb this recent spark in defense before fans start tuning out in exchange for something more open to offense and scoring.
ESPN's Greg Stink reports that Heat guard Mike Bibby was caught on video moving his feet on the defensive end of the court and keeping his body between Derrick Rose and the basket. The Bulls have fined Bibby $125,000.00. Sources say Bibby will not appeal the fine and he issued an apology through his agent this afternoon.
"It wasn't until after the game, when I was out of the heat of the battle, and I saw the tape that I realized how disruptive my actions were. My coaches have been telling me for years that defense is something I shouldn't play. I don't know what got into me last night and I sincerely apologize and I promise that it won’t happen again.”
Bibby also said through his agent that he didn’t expect any further action from the league and that the fine from the Chicago Bulls should be seen as sufficient punishment.
Later, after the media was let into the practice facility following the Heat’s practice, Bibby addressed the media further on the issue. He referenced the Lakers and their recent string of post-season success with an over-the-hill point guard occasionally playing some textbook defense. His point was that just because someone happened to catch his defense on tape, upload it to YouTube and then share it across Twitter and Facebook, doesn’t mean his offense was any less egregious than Derek Fisher’s undocumented defensive play. When asked about the fine as a deterrent in the future Bibby responded by saying that the culture of defense in the league is too engrained and will likely persist even with fines and public backlash.
Bibby’s later comments will surly draw repercussions from the league but he also raises some intriguing points. Surely the league will look into how to curb this recent spark in defense before fans start tuning out in exchange for something more open to offense and scoring.
Wire Tapped Conversation
The following conversation was leaked by an as yet unnamed government operative who happened to be wiretapping either Chris Bosh (suspicion that he is actually an alien?) or Carlos Boozer (just trying to deport for the hell of it). It occurred someplace in South Beach last Saturday night.
BOSH: Hey, Booz.
BOOZ: Hey, Bosh.
BOSH: (awkward silence) Look, yo. I got to clear the air.
BOOZ: Sure. And why are you suddenly talking like you're some urban playground dude?
BOSH: Not sure.
BOOZ: Fine. Continue.
BOSH: OK. So I need to clear the air– when you referred to the Miami Heat as the Big 2, that kind of hurt my feelings. I mean, I make as much money as they do!
BOOZ: Ah, man, Bosh. I'm sorry. I didn't think you would take it THAT way...
BOSH: What do you mean.
BOOZ: I mean, I know and everybody knows that you make as much money as they do. You're undeniable that way.
BOSH: (blushing) Aw, thanks, Booz.
BOOZ: Yeah. What I meant was: they are the Big 2 of SKILLS, of SUPERSTARDOM, of PLAYING BASKETBALL. Not money, Bosh.
BOSH: (relieved) Oh good. I thought maybe you were trying to insinuate that I don't get paid like they do.
BOOZ: Never.
BOSH: Man, I'm glad we talked about this. Now look there's this other thing...
BOOZ: Yeah?
BOSH: I was thinking...
BOOZ: Go on, Boshie.
BOSH: What if, tomorrow, we just sorta let each other go off. Shut up the naysayers who are saying we're soft and overpaid and not producing. Just a gentlemen's agreement. You get your 20-10. I get mine.
BOOZ: Interesting.
BOSH: I just think it's mutually beneficial.
BOOZ: It is. It is. But I'm gonna need at least 15 boards just to shut up Noah.
BOSH: I'll give you 15 boards. You give me 3o points...I'm a scorer. Ight?
BOOZ: Ight.
BOSH: (pauses) What about who wins?
BOOZ: (waits, watches Bosh for a reaction) You know we don't care about the W's. Just the GW's. (laughs maniacally as if he has just dunked on a role player when the game is already out of hand)
BOSH: (laughs)
BOOZ: (laughs more)
BOSH: (tries to laugh more than Boozer, gets tired) Look, we get paid the same for an L or a W. And we both know neither of us is gonna win or lose a game for any team, much less these two.
BOOZ: So...we on? 20-15 for me? 30-10 for you?
BOSH: We on. (shakes hand)
BOTH: (letting go, wringing hands gingerly with overdramatic winces)
BOSH: You know I played more than you in the Olympics, though, right?
BOOZ: Huh?
BOSH: Nothing.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Daddy! I WANT A STATUE!
First of all, the headline is pretty funny.
The man is known for many things– his iconic and unstoppable skyhook, the goggles, championships at UCLA, MVP awards in the NBA, appearances in Airplane! and Full House– none of which are his absolute contentedness. It's a headline in the vein of "Sky Is Above Us" and "Music Has Notes." It doesn't exactly shatter our idea of Kareem or make us feel like we're learning something new. It's a little more like what my friend used to say about listening to female artists like Sarah Mclachlan and Natalie Merchant; he always felt like he'd hear their songs and think, "Awww...what's wrong now, Natalie?"
As a kid, I read Kareem's autobiography, the second one, entitled Kareem. I was a fan of Showtime. I can rattle off the names of the role players on those Laker teams. I remember Kareem's big farewell season, when teams were gifting him rocking chairs and stuff. And as the brother of somebody who died of cancer, I have deep sympathy for his battle with leukemia. So I come from a place of at least moderate measuredness.
I get that Kareem is one of the Lakers' and the NBA's and the history of basketball's greatest players. Dominant at every level, a crazy specimen in both his peaks and his longevity. He's way more than a Hall of Famer. He's in the argument for most dominant ever (the argument only, though, because it's still Jordan) I will not argue that.
And that's precisely why this statue tantrum is so crazy. Are all the other accolades not enough? Was being recognized as an All-Star NINETEEN times a little condescending? Were you not awarded your SIX MVP trophies with enough fawning adulation? Were the SIX championships and TWO Finals MVP trophies not given enough weight in the public eye? Is it feeling a little snubby to have only won THREE NCAA titles and who knows how many All-NBA and All Defensive team spots? Is the fact that the NCAA banned the dunk primarily because of your dominance not quite outstanding enough?
Kareem has been honored plenty for his playing, which he stopped doing 22 years ago. Now, I'm not going to argue that there shouldn't be a statue of Kareem outside the Staples Center. That's not the point. Magic has one. Chick Hearn has one. I think Kareem meant as much to basketball as those two greats did.
The point is: since when are we entitled to statues? Since when does anyone DESERVE a statue? Especially while we're still alive? David slew Goliath and got a statue in Florence, Italy hundreds of years later; not even the place where he downed the giant. Beethoven only got a lousy bust that goes on top of your grandma's piano; the least she could do is dust it.
Want a statue today? Commission it yourself, Kareem. You've gotten more recognition and opportunities and money in your post-playing career than most of us will ever see in a lifetime. You're a legend. Even your biggest critics have to admit that. Now stop acting like a jealous toddler, EXPECTING a statue and move on with your life.
Kareem has a history of shoulder chips, abrasiveness, and moaning about opportunities that haven't been his, mistreatment, and more. Some of the chips are probably justified. But not the statue tantrum.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Mad Men and the NBA
Madison Avenue might* be the mecca of big advertising today (*unless you subscribe to the notion that it migrated to Boulder) but it definitely was during the its heyday subtly chronicled in Mad Men. A lesser known fact is that Madison Avenue is also where The Commish keeps his desk. No, not that Commish -- I'm talking about The Angel of Stern. David Stern and Don Draper both look out over the same stretch of road in New York City.
With the new season of Mad Men just warming up and the NBA off season having just about finished up, I thought we could take a look at some of the other similarities between Mad Men and what has happened with the Association since Game 7.
The Don Draper Corollary
Don Draper is an intriguing character. Half of the time you are rooting for him, hoping for another brilliant 2 minute soliloquy about how a toothbrush is more important than life itself, and the other half of the time you wonder if he has a conscience at all. All his infidelity and deceit makes him loathsome, but somehow as soon as he walks into SterlingCooperDraperPryce in his gray flannel suit, you forget all about his sordid affair the night before. And such is life in the NBA. We forget about off court drama as long as the player performs at a high level on the court. I think we are going to see the same thing with LeBron in Miami.
"You're so old fashioned"
After working again with Freddy Rumsen, Peggy Olsen finds frustration in his ideas and fires at him a simple dig, "You're so old fashioned!" A lot was made right after The Decision about how Jordan wouldn't have done this and Bird wouldn't have done that. And how Kevin Durant was a throwback because he wants to stay on the only team he has ever known. While some players -- Amare, Wade, LeBron, CP3, Bosh -- might want to fire this line at all their detractors, I think it fits better with the message being sent to another group of superstars; those on the way out. Shaq, Iverson and TMaq are stuck in some kind of time warp and remain old fashioned in their thinking. They may have some amount of validity in their thinking, but for the most part the league is collectively telling them that their idea -- the idea of who they are -- isn't going to work anymore.
Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce
What started out as a great idea at the end of the third season has turned into struggle and strife. It was there chance to step out and make something of themselves, become relatively independent and more than anything be in the spotlight. Kind of reminds me of the NBA firm of Boozer Stoudemire Gilbert Wall. Boozer and Amare are in similar situations. They both left point guards who made them better than they actually are, but now they are going to have to earn it on their own. Gilbert is Dan Gilbert. He put some very bright lights on himself and has made some awful big promises. John Wall can no longer hide behind the gel in Coach Cal's hair or the tradition in Lexington. He gets to carry basketball in our nation's capital, and worry about showing up to practice one day only to find a half dozen guns laid out in front of his locker. Needless to say, everyone at this firm is about to realize just how hard their new life is going to be.
American Tobacco
American Tobacco (Lucky Strikes) puts almost all the food on the table at SCDP. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that they are in a delicate situation there. Kind of like the Nuggets and the Hornets and the Heat, Raptors and Cavs of last season. While its great to have a reliable meal ticket, you inevitably get put in the position of worshiping at their feet. It will be intriguing to see if the Hornets and Nuggs follow the lead set by the Raps and Cavs or if they will blaze their own trail and not be held hostage by Melo and CP3.
"I'm sorry sir, is Sam here bothering you? He can be a little chatty."
Back in the very first episode of the first season, Don strikes up a conversation with an african american employee at a bar. He is trying to find an angle on selling cigarettes when another employee, possibly the boss, comes over and interrupts. Don responds by saying, "We're actually just having a conversation, is that okay?" I hope that as the players association and the league try to figure out a new agreement, that it is okay to be a little chatty, to have some conversations. I don't want a lockout, and I don't think you do either.
With the new season of Mad Men just warming up and the NBA off season having just about finished up, I thought we could take a look at some of the other similarities between Mad Men and what has happened with the Association since Game 7.
The Don Draper Corollary
Don Draper is an intriguing character. Half of the time you are rooting for him, hoping for another brilliant 2 minute soliloquy about how a toothbrush is more important than life itself, and the other half of the time you wonder if he has a conscience at all. All his infidelity and deceit makes him loathsome, but somehow as soon as he walks into SterlingCooperDraperPryce in his gray flannel suit, you forget all about his sordid affair the night before. And such is life in the NBA. We forget about off court drama as long as the player performs at a high level on the court. I think we are going to see the same thing with LeBron in Miami.
"You're so old fashioned"
After working again with Freddy Rumsen, Peggy Olsen finds frustration in his ideas and fires at him a simple dig, "You're so old fashioned!" A lot was made right after The Decision about how Jordan wouldn't have done this and Bird wouldn't have done that. And how Kevin Durant was a throwback because he wants to stay on the only team he has ever known. While some players -- Amare, Wade, LeBron, CP3, Bosh -- might want to fire this line at all their detractors, I think it fits better with the message being sent to another group of superstars; those on the way out. Shaq, Iverson and TMaq are stuck in some kind of time warp and remain old fashioned in their thinking. They may have some amount of validity in their thinking, but for the most part the league is collectively telling them that their idea -- the idea of who they are -- isn't going to work anymore.
Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce
What started out as a great idea at the end of the third season has turned into struggle and strife. It was there chance to step out and make something of themselves, become relatively independent and more than anything be in the spotlight. Kind of reminds me of the NBA firm of Boozer Stoudemire Gilbert Wall. Boozer and Amare are in similar situations. They both left point guards who made them better than they actually are, but now they are going to have to earn it on their own. Gilbert is Dan Gilbert. He put some very bright lights on himself and has made some awful big promises. John Wall can no longer hide behind the gel in Coach Cal's hair or the tradition in Lexington. He gets to carry basketball in our nation's capital, and worry about showing up to practice one day only to find a half dozen guns laid out in front of his locker. Needless to say, everyone at this firm is about to realize just how hard their new life is going to be.
American Tobacco
American Tobacco (Lucky Strikes) puts almost all the food on the table at SCDP. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that they are in a delicate situation there. Kind of like the Nuggets and the Hornets and the Heat, Raptors and Cavs of last season. While its great to have a reliable meal ticket, you inevitably get put in the position of worshiping at their feet. It will be intriguing to see if the Hornets and Nuggs follow the lead set by the Raps and Cavs or if they will blaze their own trail and not be held hostage by Melo and CP3.
"I'm sorry sir, is Sam here bothering you? He can be a little chatty."
Back in the very first episode of the first season, Don strikes up a conversation with an african american employee at a bar. He is trying to find an angle on selling cigarettes when another employee, possibly the boss, comes over and interrupts. Don responds by saying, "We're actually just having a conversation, is that okay?" I hope that as the players association and the league try to figure out a new agreement, that it is okay to be a little chatty, to have some conversations. I don't want a lockout, and I don't think you do either.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Offseason Notes NOT Having To Do With The Douchecision
Some offseason notes:
– I am taking a little too much pleasure in watching the douchiness of T-Mac manifest itself this offseason. The Utah Bulls, er, Chicago Jazz, er, Chicago Bulls had a private workout with His WashedUpNess this week and, to hear Tracy talk about it, the Bulls front office was licking its chops about stumbling onto such an under-the-radar catch. These quotes encapsulate the magic dust he's sprinkling around. “Without me, without Boozer, they’re a .500 ball club,” McGrady said. Wow. Any quote that makes me defensive of Carlos Boozer deserves bold italics and a few extra vacation days. I can't wait til the Clippers sign him.
– In a related note, this is a fun offseason for Former Insanely Talented Alphas like AI and Shaq. The fact that some team is going to have to talk themselves into one of the game's top 2 or 3 most dominant centers ever (not anymore but still. Kareem got contracts when he could barely John McCain his goggles.) is a little sad to me. The bright side is: Pros vs Joes is always looked for some extra legitimacy and the combined MVPs, points, and NBA Finals appearances are legit.
– Also, The Utah Bulls. What the Bulls front office, in picking up Boozer & Korver & Brewer (who I miss the most, in spite of his complete inability to hit a jumper), is saying is: we believe Rose > Deron Williams. They are assembling, essentially, the same cast around Rose as Williams had. Now, Chicago fans, let's not carried away about Joakim Noah. Yes, I would take him on my team. No, he is not an elite big man. He and Memo Okur (who has one more all-star appearance than Noah) essentially cancel each other out, though I'm willing to admit that Noah's hustle is a plus. Luol Deng? A wild card of the same type as, oh, Andrei Kirilenko. Everybody KNOWS he's good. But what are you getting from him game to game, month to month? I think it's very interesting that the Bulls believe in the '08 Jazz that much. I did too, though, so I can't really hold it against them.
– The Laker Upgrade. Miami gets the most ink. But the defending champs upgraded, in my opinion, to an insane degree. A tough, mix-it-up guy who can knock down equal amounts of superstars & shots in Matt Barnes. A PG upgrade (though the WNBA has a handful of PGs who would be an improvement over Farmar) in Steve Blake. And some more size (as if they were lacking) in Theo Ratliff, who- for the sake of this bullet point- I talked myself into. Still the team to beat.
– Chris Paul. Wah. You're an amazing talent stuck on a team in transition. Your friends are all teaming up to try to gang their way to rings. You also signed a contract. I'm sure there's a gun to your head everytime you cash those million-dollar checks. Sack up. Whiny multimillionaire athletes kill me.
– The Jazz, to avoid D-Will pulling a Kobe/Chris Paul, have made some moves– Jefferson, Bell, Hayward. They aren't Miami-level or Steal Gasol For Nothing level, but they are decent. As a Jazz fan, I'm happy to see something happen that includes Boozer taking his talents/attitude/entitlement elsewhere and guys who want to kill themselves for D-Will onto the court. Hearing D-Will tell Jefferson he's gonna make him an All-Star made me really happy.
– Portland can suck it. Just because their "top tier, first round" talent can't stay healthy or perform up to par doesn't mean they should come pillage the hard-working, smartly drafted talent that the Jazz pick up (see also: Paul Milsap). Wes Matthews is a total stud and I worshipped his hard work in his rookie season. But it makes me sad that he's gonna get a ton of money to fight for bench minutes on a team whose best hopes are an injury prone elderly man still trying to have a rookie season and landing unhappy Chris Paul. This quote from Kevin O'Connor was money: "(Fesenko's) next on the agenda. (We'll) go from there, see what happens, see if Portland has any more money left."
– I am taking a little too much pleasure in watching the douchiness of T-Mac manifest itself this offseason. The Utah Bulls, er, Chicago Jazz, er, Chicago Bulls had a private workout with His WashedUpNess this week and, to hear Tracy talk about it, the Bulls front office was licking its chops about stumbling onto such an under-the-radar catch. These quotes encapsulate the magic dust he's sprinkling around. “Without me, without Boozer, they’re a .500 ball club,” McGrady said. Wow. Any quote that makes me defensive of Carlos Boozer deserves bold italics and a few extra vacation days. I can't wait til the Clippers sign him.
– In a related note, this is a fun offseason for Former Insanely Talented Alphas like AI and Shaq. The fact that some team is going to have to talk themselves into one of the game's top 2 or 3 most dominant centers ever (not anymore but still. Kareem got contracts when he could barely John McCain his goggles.) is a little sad to me. The bright side is: Pros vs Joes is always looked for some extra legitimacy and the combined MVPs, points, and NBA Finals appearances are legit.
– Also, The Utah Bulls. What the Bulls front office, in picking up Boozer & Korver & Brewer (who I miss the most, in spite of his complete inability to hit a jumper), is saying is: we believe Rose > Deron Williams. They are assembling, essentially, the same cast around Rose as Williams had. Now, Chicago fans, let's not carried away about Joakim Noah. Yes, I would take him on my team. No, he is not an elite big man. He and Memo Okur (who has one more all-star appearance than Noah) essentially cancel each other out, though I'm willing to admit that Noah's hustle is a plus. Luol Deng? A wild card of the same type as, oh, Andrei Kirilenko. Everybody KNOWS he's good. But what are you getting from him game to game, month to month? I think it's very interesting that the Bulls believe in the '08 Jazz that much. I did too, though, so I can't really hold it against them.
– The Laker Upgrade. Miami gets the most ink. But the defending champs upgraded, in my opinion, to an insane degree. A tough, mix-it-up guy who can knock down equal amounts of superstars & shots in Matt Barnes. A PG upgrade (though the WNBA has a handful of PGs who would be an improvement over Farmar) in Steve Blake. And some more size (as if they were lacking) in Theo Ratliff, who- for the sake of this bullet point- I talked myself into. Still the team to beat.
– Chris Paul. Wah. You're an amazing talent stuck on a team in transition. Your friends are all teaming up to try to gang their way to rings. You also signed a contract. I'm sure there's a gun to your head everytime you cash those million-dollar checks. Sack up. Whiny multimillionaire athletes kill me.
– The Jazz, to avoid D-Will pulling a Kobe/Chris Paul, have made some moves– Jefferson, Bell, Hayward. They aren't Miami-level or Steal Gasol For Nothing level, but they are decent. As a Jazz fan, I'm happy to see something happen that includes Boozer taking his talents/attitude/entitlement elsewhere and guys who want to kill themselves for D-Will onto the court. Hearing D-Will tell Jefferson he's gonna make him an All-Star made me really happy.
– Portland can suck it. Just because their "top tier, first round" talent can't stay healthy or perform up to par doesn't mean they should come pillage the hard-working, smartly drafted talent that the Jazz pick up (see also: Paul Milsap). Wes Matthews is a total stud and I worshipped his hard work in his rookie season. But it makes me sad that he's gonna get a ton of money to fight for bench minutes on a team whose best hopes are an injury prone elderly man still trying to have a rookie season and landing unhappy Chris Paul. This quote from Kevin O'Connor was money: "(Fesenko's) next on the agenda. (We'll) go from there, see what happens, see if Portland has any more money left."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
"Its More Engaging When You Don't Know"
The National's Matt Berninger tried to describe the lyrics to "Bloodbuzz Ohio" in a veiled string of words and then ended it with, "Its more engaging when you don't know." That really sums up my draw to The National and more specifically, his lyrics. The same can be said about most of my favorite things, I like not knowing exactly what the intent is. I like having the space to fill in the blanks.
Nothing kills a movie for me like seeing 5 different trailers, each one getting increasingly more revelatory about the plot and showing "all the good parts". You could get me to see just about anything, or at least be excited about seeing it, by not showing me much more than the name of the film and some shots of each actor in the movie. Beyond that, you're giving me too much information and my interest wanes. Again, its more interesting to watch it unfold.
The same goes for sports. If I have a game on the DVR and I mistakenly catch the score before I've seen the whole game, I won't even bother. Its not that I don't want to watch the game, but it takes away my main motivation for watching; answering the question of who is going to win. The NBA Playoffs this year have been surprisingly entertaining. Sure there have been plenty of no-shows and series sweeps, but that is going to happen and even some of those series were entertaining (Phoenix/San Antonio).
I've enjoyed the suspense of the games, but I haven't enjoyed the hyperbole surrounding the cast of characters involved. THis goes back to the need to not know. Every announcer, writer, analyst and goofy-dressed reporter has used up their lifetime allotment of exaggeration in this playoffs alone. Rajon Rondo is the best point guard in the game. Rondo made the greatest play in Celtics' history. No he isn't and no he didn't. But does he have at least 3 exciting plays a game? Yes. Can't we just leave his place in history undefined until he strings together a couple seasons, yes I said SEASONS, full of the play we've seen from him recently? LeBron James is the greatest athlete in the history of the game. Wherever LeBron goes will turn that franchise around. You have to say something nice about Early Exit LeBron but both those comments are way off base. Great Athlete? Yes. Franchise Player? Yes. Beyond that? Lets leave it open for debate. Don't just sling hyperbole for the sake of needing to say something. The list goes on and on. Pau Gasol, best bigman in the game. Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah, best young tandem to team up with. Knicks, best opportunity to become a legend.
Say anything like this, and I'm immediately disengaged. I'd rather wonder how good someone can become and how good they are than see them ranked "all-time". I'd rather hear the questions than the answers, and don't think I'm alone.
Nothing kills a movie for me like seeing 5 different trailers, each one getting increasingly more revelatory about the plot and showing "all the good parts". You could get me to see just about anything, or at least be excited about seeing it, by not showing me much more than the name of the film and some shots of each actor in the movie. Beyond that, you're giving me too much information and my interest wanes. Again, its more interesting to watch it unfold.
The same goes for sports. If I have a game on the DVR and I mistakenly catch the score before I've seen the whole game, I won't even bother. Its not that I don't want to watch the game, but it takes away my main motivation for watching; answering the question of who is going to win. The NBA Playoffs this year have been surprisingly entertaining. Sure there have been plenty of no-shows and series sweeps, but that is going to happen and even some of those series were entertaining (Phoenix/San Antonio).
I've enjoyed the suspense of the games, but I haven't enjoyed the hyperbole surrounding the cast of characters involved. THis goes back to the need to not know. Every announcer, writer, analyst and goofy-dressed reporter has used up their lifetime allotment of exaggeration in this playoffs alone. Rajon Rondo is the best point guard in the game. Rondo made the greatest play in Celtics' history. No he isn't and no he didn't. But does he have at least 3 exciting plays a game? Yes. Can't we just leave his place in history undefined until he strings together a couple seasons, yes I said SEASONS, full of the play we've seen from him recently? LeBron James is the greatest athlete in the history of the game. Wherever LeBron goes will turn that franchise around. You have to say something nice about Early Exit LeBron but both those comments are way off base. Great Athlete? Yes. Franchise Player? Yes. Beyond that? Lets leave it open for debate. Don't just sling hyperbole for the sake of needing to say something. The list goes on and on. Pau Gasol, best bigman in the game. Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah, best young tandem to team up with. Knicks, best opportunity to become a legend.
Say anything like this, and I'm immediately disengaged. I'd rather wonder how good someone can become and how good they are than see them ranked "all-time". I'd rather hear the questions than the answers, and don't think I'm alone.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Two Recommendations
We do album reviews here. Nor movie reviews. Not book reviews. Album reviews. And even those are starting to be hard to come by. But, as Charlie T mentioned, I've been on the clock with The Man lately and thus away from TBC. But it did give me some time to read.
I finished Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball. It's as exhaustive as it looks and sounds. My quick, Twitter-length review is: exhaustive, funny, smart look @ who matters in NBA history by an admitted homer. Ends weak.
But I read it- all 600+ pages of it- in under three months. So that's saying something. If not for the last two chapters' petering out, I'd really recommend it (as long as you take it with a spoonful of I Can Tolerate A Celtic Bias antivirus). Maybe later I'll take a stab at a real review, but suffice it to say, I tore through it. I even used his MJ Is Better Than LeBron Until... argument a day after reading it.
And, speaking of Simmons, I can't recommend highly enough the latest 30for30, Winning Time about Reggie Miller's classic clash with the 90's Knicks. Even my wife was riveted, gasping, laughing out loud. Very very good.
I finished Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball. It's as exhaustive as it looks and sounds. My quick, Twitter-length review is: exhaustive, funny, smart look @ who matters in NBA history by an admitted homer. Ends weak.
But I read it- all 600+ pages of it- in under three months. So that's saying something. If not for the last two chapters' petering out, I'd really recommend it (as long as you take it with a spoonful of I Can Tolerate A Celtic Bias antivirus). Maybe later I'll take a stab at a real review, but suffice it to say, I tore through it. I even used his MJ Is Better Than LeBron Until... argument a day after reading it.
And, speaking of Simmons, I can't recommend highly enough the latest 30for30, Winning Time about Reggie Miller's classic clash with the 90's Knicks. Even my wife was riveted, gasping, laughing out loud. Very very good.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Reconciliation
The Black Converse has been creeping along as of late. For this we sincerely apologize. Sometimes Bruce Wayne has to take the cape off and attend board meetings. Its not that he would rather sit in meetings as opposed to fight crime, its just that crime fighting doesn't pay the bills.
Moving on...
With less than 20 games to go in the season, its time for a little reconciliation with the story lines this NBA season. We've let ourselves go a little, so its time to hit the gym.
Boston Celtics Countdown to 10 Losses: We knew that storyline was going to be over somewhere between Christmas and Groundhogs Day. And it was. The more fascinating story will be to see if Ra'Sheed can lose 10 pounds before the playoffs.
Sixers Glory Days: Remember when Iverson was on the team for a second time? Those were the days...
Toronto Raptors "Canada's Team": Are they still playing? I thought the NBA Season stopped for the Olympics.
Tales of Bango the Buck: He has got to be liking his job as of late. The Bucks seem to be the only team with a full stadium judging by the highlights.
The Atlanta Hawks: Keefe or Dominique They really haven't been either the last couple months. I'd say they are stuck somewhere around Steve Smith or Kevin Willis.
The Charlotte Scrap Heap: Yes they added a couple more to the pile at the trading deadline. They added Ty Thomas in exchange for career scrap-heapers Flip Murray and Acie Law. Also, they are solely in the hands of His Airness. I'm not sure what that means but I thought it was worth a mention.
Washington Bullets: We had to put these to rest after someone took our demands a little to seriously.
Dirk as Sandra Bullock:Mavs on a tear just as Sandra wins her first Oscar. Coincidence? We like to think it isn't.
Morey Smart Points: Last year's overachievers are sinking a little. But he did get rid of T-Maq. He will always have that shining gold star at the top of his report card.
Spurs Typical Season: Its been typical in that we haven't thought about them even one bit since January. Other than that, I think they are getting too old. (Which is they typical response every year) And they got a steal in the draft. (Wait...that always happens too) I guess there is nothing new here.
Trailblazers: The Hold Steady or The Animal Collective: They are in the same boat as the Hawks. Not great but not terrible. Kind of like the new Beach House album.
There you go. Now we are up to speed on the season (save a few story lines). I hope when I wake up from my bracket-filling-induced coma that the Heat are no longer a .500 team. I'll take .515 or even .508. But come on, this .500 business is killing me.
Moving on...
With less than 20 games to go in the season, its time for a little reconciliation with the story lines this NBA season. We've let ourselves go a little, so its time to hit the gym.
Boston Celtics Countdown to 10 Losses: We knew that storyline was going to be over somewhere between Christmas and Groundhogs Day. And it was. The more fascinating story will be to see if Ra'Sheed can lose 10 pounds before the playoffs.
Sixers Glory Days: Remember when Iverson was on the team for a second time? Those were the days...
Toronto Raptors "Canada's Team": Are they still playing? I thought the NBA Season stopped for the Olympics.
Tales of Bango the Buck: He has got to be liking his job as of late. The Bucks seem to be the only team with a full stadium judging by the highlights.
The Atlanta Hawks: Keefe or Dominique They really haven't been either the last couple months. I'd say they are stuck somewhere around Steve Smith or Kevin Willis.
The Charlotte Scrap Heap: Yes they added a couple more to the pile at the trading deadline. They added Ty Thomas in exchange for career scrap-heapers Flip Murray and Acie Law. Also, they are solely in the hands of His Airness. I'm not sure what that means but I thought it was worth a mention.
Washington Bullets: We had to put these to rest after someone took our demands a little to seriously.
Dirk as Sandra Bullock:Mavs on a tear just as Sandra wins her first Oscar. Coincidence? We like to think it isn't.
Morey Smart Points: Last year's overachievers are sinking a little. But he did get rid of T-Maq. He will always have that shining gold star at the top of his report card.
Spurs Typical Season: Its been typical in that we haven't thought about them even one bit since January. Other than that, I think they are getting too old. (Which is they typical response every year) And they got a steal in the draft. (Wait...that always happens too) I guess there is nothing new here.
Trailblazers: The Hold Steady or The Animal Collective: They are in the same boat as the Hawks. Not great but not terrible. Kind of like the new Beach House album.
There you go. Now we are up to speed on the season (save a few story lines). I hope when I wake up from my bracket-filling-induced coma that the Heat are no longer a .500 team. I'll take .515 or even .508. But come on, this .500 business is killing me.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Leave The Best One Behind
It happens to me all the time. I get a new album, find a song or two on it I like and then play them to death. Its really a habit I should break because its ruined so many songs for me. Upon getting the newest Retribution Gospel Choir album, I found that the first song, Hide It Away, was far and away my favorite. And it didn't help that it was the first track, making it all too easy to repeat it without hearing anything else. Then I got worried that I might play it to death. Something had to change.
I got in my car one morning and the album was in the cd player. The first song had just finished but I wasn't paying too much attention to that. I just let the album play. A few songs into it, I found my self really liking the rest of what I was hearing. But I mean really liking it. I had given the cd a few plays clear through, but because I loved the first song so much, it made the rest of the songs seem very ordinary and unexciting. But something great happened that morning when the album got a good listen without being in the shadow of the best song. And turns out, the rest of it is even better than I had thought.
That leads me into my next point. Here at TBC, we've been mostly down on LeBron James. Not because he is a bad basketball player, but mostly because we didn't like being force fed hearty helpings of King James everywhere we looked. We, or maybe just me, felt that the hype was vastly over done for a guy so young and relatively unaccomplished. This season, I am starting to have a change of heart. I have seen quite a few Cavs games, though they are hard to miss, and James has definitely taken his game to another level. Its not only effecting his game, but the rest of his team looks phenomenal. He makes JJ Hickson look like the second coming of Scottie Pippen (which he isn't...Hickson will be out of the league a year after he stops playing with LeBron), he makes Boobie Gibson still look like a 12 year old and he makes Shaq (at least for 5 possessions a game) look like Lew Alcindor out there. Nobody else could do that I am convinced. Kobe would chew those guys out to the point that they wouldn't even show up to practice. Wade (as much as it pains me to say this) would get his 20 and then take the rest of the game off.
So it made me think, if you took the best player off all the teams in the league, like I did with the best song off the RGC album, which team would shine the brightest? I would be that Cleveland would not be the first team to come to mind. Or the second, third or the twentieth. This is not a new revelation. Everyone knows LeBron has been on bad teams his whole career but has managed to make them competitive. But there is something about this particular cast of characters playing with him this season that has upped the degree of difficulty, to which he has responded incredibly. And that is why I now buy into LeBron. And the Cavaliers.
48 point games by Vinsanity won't stop them. The athleticism of the Hawks won't either. Neither will KG's wooden leg. Chauncy and the Gang won't get a shot at them. Nor will Deron and his Merry Men. This year will be the matchup everyone wanted last year, Kobe v LeBron. I will stand by this prediction, even though a two year old could see this coming. The difference is, I'm not one to pencil in the favorites.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Please. No. And, furthermore, never. Ever.
I had to check the calendar- is it really April 1?- and only clicked through because I knew a reputed sports site like ESPN.com wouldn't have any accompanying photos
but (and emphasis on but)
WHAT?
So many thoughts:
- to paraphrase Cindy Lou Who, "why, Greg Oden, why?"
- I guess when you're not ever playing, you kinda get bored.
- what would be worse: seeing Bea Arthur or Greg Oden naked? I'm going with Oden. They're approximately the same age anyway.
- isn't there a Celebrity Orientation class that these first rounders have to take? (Not to be confused with Starving Desperate C-Listers class, where this moronic move would be 101.) Cover such topics as: Careful With That Entourage! and Have Somebody Else Carry The Gun and Don't Text Naked Pictures Of Yourself To Anyone Ever and Just Have A Shred Of Common Sense, Idiot.
- Kevin Durant, anyone? OKC loves their life.
- Somewhere, Sam Bowie is so stoked. His run as the NBA and Portland's big draft gaffe may have, at least temporarily, fallen a spot or two. "Yeah, they picked me over Jordan and I never panned out, but I never sent nude photos and then got them posted online! Holla!"
- Oden apologized publicly, as our stars tend to do (they DO all enroll in Crisis Management 101, it seems). I can't help wonder if he should apologize more for the photos or for playing in 7 games through 2 seasons at several million a pop.
but (and emphasis on but)
WHAT?
So many thoughts:
- to paraphrase Cindy Lou Who, "why, Greg Oden, why?"
- I guess when you're not ever playing, you kinda get bored.
- what would be worse: seeing Bea Arthur or Greg Oden naked? I'm going with Oden. They're approximately the same age anyway.
- isn't there a Celebrity Orientation class that these first rounders have to take? (Not to be confused with Starving Desperate C-Listers class, where this moronic move would be 101.) Cover such topics as: Careful With That Entourage! and Have Somebody Else Carry The Gun and Don't Text Naked Pictures Of Yourself To Anyone Ever and Just Have A Shred Of Common Sense, Idiot.
- Kevin Durant, anyone? OKC loves their life.
- Somewhere, Sam Bowie is so stoked. His run as the NBA and Portland's big draft gaffe may have, at least temporarily, fallen a spot or two. "Yeah, they picked me over Jordan and I never panned out, but I never sent nude photos and then got them posted online! Holla!"
- Oden apologized publicly, as our stars tend to do (they DO all enroll in Crisis Management 101, it seems). I can't help wonder if he should apologize more for the photos or for playing in 7 games through 2 seasons at several million a pop.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Possible Landing Places For Agent Zero
(how ironic is that nickname now, with all the gun toting?)
Now that Gilbert Arenas' basketball future is in question (at very least with the Wiz, er, Bullets), it's never too soon to think ahead. So where could Arenas land? Besides the clink, of course...
...a cameo on the current season of 24 as, what else, a professional basketball player who brings an unauthorized weapon on a White House visit. Is he a loose cannon with a vendetta against the president? Or just a moron? Stay tuned next week (sound of time ticking down).
...the Harlem Globetrotters could use a little edge and a man with Arenas' personality and skills is a rare find.
...NRA conventions have to pay handsomely, don't they?
...YouTube. A self-parody has helped many troubled stars (Pee Wee Herman, for instance, killed when he opened an MTV awards show- right after his "incident"- with the self-deprecating line, "Heard any good jokes lately?") Gilbert needs to hire some of the FunnyOrDie.com folks to help him skewer himself in style.
...The Ernie/Kenny/Chuck show. Imagine somebody crazier than Barkley.
...a Jackie Chan movie. Now that the Chris Tuckers and Owen Wilsons of the world have turned and run, old man Chan needs a new, cross-cultural foil. Who better than a trigger-happy jock?
Any other ideas?
Now that Gilbert Arenas' basketball future is in question (at very least with the Wiz, er, Bullets), it's never too soon to think ahead. So where could Arenas land? Besides the clink, of course...
...a cameo on the current season of 24 as, what else, a professional basketball player who brings an unauthorized weapon on a White House visit. Is he a loose cannon with a vendetta against the president? Or just a moron? Stay tuned next week (sound of time ticking down).
...the Harlem Globetrotters could use a little edge and a man with Arenas' personality and skills is a rare find.
...NRA conventions have to pay handsomely, don't they?
...YouTube. A self-parody has helped many troubled stars (Pee Wee Herman, for instance, killed when he opened an MTV awards show- right after his "incident"- with the self-deprecating line, "Heard any good jokes lately?") Gilbert needs to hire some of the FunnyOrDie.com folks to help him skewer himself in style.
...The Ernie/Kenny/Chuck show. Imagine somebody crazier than Barkley.
...a Jackie Chan movie. Now that the Chris Tuckers and Owen Wilsons of the world have turned and run, old man Chan needs a new, cross-cultural foil. Who better than a trigger-happy jock?
Any other ideas?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Big Z's Loyalty
Dear Cavs,
Before LeBron was even born I was playing for the Cavs. I was on the All-Rookie team, MVP of the Rookie Game and a two-time All Star. And lets not forget that I am the franchise leader in all time games played. I have been nothing but loyal to the Cavs my entire career.
But the straws may have finally broken my back. First, they deny me the chance to play for Lithuania in the Beijing Olympics. Next, they don't pass the memo on to my coach to make sure I get in the game to set the All Time Games Played record at home, in front of my fans.
Now, they are shopping me for "a big man who can stretch the floor with his shooting" and hope that I will get waived by the team they send me to, only to re-sign with the Cavs 30 days later in time for the Playoffs. I hate the thought of being traded from the franchise I have given everything to. Especially to some terrible team like the Wizards or the Warriors. Even more than the thought of being traded, I hate being traded for myself. How better could you describe me than "a big man with range"? I mean come on. If you want to trade someone with an expiring contract how about that out of shape back-up center you brought in during the off-season. Then you can have not one, but two big men with range and his overweight contract off the books as well.
I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but for once I'd like a little thanks.
Big Z
Before LeBron was even born I was playing for the Cavs. I was on the All-Rookie team, MVP of the Rookie Game and a two-time All Star. And lets not forget that I am the franchise leader in all time games played. I have been nothing but loyal to the Cavs my entire career.
But the straws may have finally broken my back. First, they deny me the chance to play for Lithuania in the Beijing Olympics. Next, they don't pass the memo on to my coach to make sure I get in the game to set the All Time Games Played record at home, in front of my fans.
Now, they are shopping me for "a big man who can stretch the floor with his shooting" and hope that I will get waived by the team they send me to, only to re-sign with the Cavs 30 days later in time for the Playoffs. I hate the thought of being traded from the franchise I have given everything to. Especially to some terrible team like the Wizards or the Warriors. Even more than the thought of being traded, I hate being traded for myself. How better could you describe me than "a big man with range"? I mean come on. If you want to trade someone with an expiring contract how about that out of shape back-up center you brought in during the off-season. Then you can have not one, but two big men with range and his overweight contract off the books as well.
I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but for once I'd like a little thanks.
Big Z
Canada's Team/January Edition
THE RAPTORS ARE HOT, handing the Lakers their 11th loss and taking them out of contention to match the legendary Bulls' Best Season Ever mark. So let's take another look into the Toronto Raptors' bid to become Canada's Team, both legally and in the hearts of the Canadian people. Below the Canadian poll results below, you'll also find the Top 10 Heatseeking Markets (meaning, markets in which the popularity of the Raptors increased dramatically overnight).
1. Canadian Olympic Team
2. Toronto Maple Leafs
3. Neil Young (got the #TeamCoCo bump with an appearance on the last episode)
4. Edmonton Oilers
5. Calgary Flames
6. Ottawa Senators
7. Shania A-Twain (Apparently Canadians were proud of her American Idol guest judge appearance and threw their support behind her CCTRA [Cross Canadian Train Racing Association] team.)
8. TORONTO RAPTORS
9. Phoenix Suns (Nash-loyalty is at an all-time high)
10. Lilith Fair Roadie Curling Team (after a decade+ hiatus, Ms. Mclachlan's wildly popular curling team is back in the saddle)
Other notables
17. Vancouver Canucks
26. Toronto Blue Jays (75-87)
55. Speed (the little league hockey team that Keanu Reeves coaches for his Canadian TV reality show)
And by beating the Lakers, the Raptors' popularity swelled in the following markets.
10. Salt Lake City
9. Portland
8. Atlanta
7. Dallas
6. Littleton/Boulder area, CO
5. Orlando
4. Denver
3. Phoenix
2. Cleveland
1. Boston
1. Canadian Olympic Team
2. Toronto Maple Leafs
3. Neil Young (got the #TeamCoCo bump with an appearance on the last episode)
4. Edmonton Oilers
5. Calgary Flames
6. Ottawa Senators
7. Shania A-Twain (Apparently Canadians were proud of her American Idol guest judge appearance and threw their support behind her CCTRA [Cross Canadian Train Racing Association] team.)
8. TORONTO RAPTORS
9. Phoenix Suns (Nash-loyalty is at an all-time high)
10. Lilith Fair Roadie Curling Team (after a decade+ hiatus, Ms. Mclachlan's wildly popular curling team is back in the saddle)
Other notables
17. Vancouver Canucks
26. Toronto Blue Jays (75-87)
55. Speed (the little league hockey team that Keanu Reeves coaches for his Canadian TV reality show)
And by beating the Lakers, the Raptors' popularity swelled in the following markets.
10. Salt Lake City
9. Portland
8. Atlanta
7. Dallas
6. Littleton/Boulder area, CO
5. Orlando
4. Denver
3. Phoenix
2. Cleveland
1. Boston
Mavs Hand Knicks Worst MSG Loss Ever
As a Jazz fan, can I just add my $.02 that a 50-point home loss really should count as two?
Friday, January 22, 2010
More TBC Smart Points
Daryl Morey deserves some credit for stuffing the ballot boxx in the final weeks in an attempt to get Steve Nash into the game instead of the wildly popular corpse that is T-Maq. First, he saved David Stern from complete embarrassment. So he gets 5 TBC Smart Points for saving the Commish. Second, McGrady playing in the All-Star game would only showcase his lack of value. This is very important as Morey tries to hoodwink teams into taking on tee-mak and his absurd contract. Rockets brass gives him 5 TBC Smart Points. And last but not least, the fans win on this one. So thats 5 TBC Smart Points from anyone who likes the NBA. That brings the total up to 15 TBC Smart Points on this single move, which might be a little generous but we make up the rules.
Glory Days Are Back Again
The Sixers wanted the Glory Days back and they are doing their absolute best to get them.
In an effort to not let them "pass you by", they went out and got the throwback jerseys... full time. Then they went and dug up one of the franchise treasures. Now they just needed a magical run through the playoffs and an All-Star.
You can't have the glory back all at once but they sure are doing a good job of acquiring the pieces. Now if they could just figure out that winning thing.
PS: Remember Steve Francis?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Spurned
If we were going to track the workmanlike predictability and consistency of the Spurs (like we said in our ambitious 910 Preview), then last night would be a big red (or in the Jazz's throwback case, green and yellow) anomaly.
Why?
During Pop's tenure, the Jazz had never swept the season series with the Spurs. Never. In fact, November's win at San Antonio was the first Jazz@Spurs win in, what, forever?
But there it was. Compliments of double doubles by D-Will and Boozer. Compliments of a big all-around (especially on offense) game by Kirilenko. And gutsy play by the benchguys- Milsap, even my love/hate whipping boy Ronnie Price. And maybe compliments of some reffing that seemed- even to a Jazz fan- to be out for Timmy's scalp like he were a nazi and the refs were the Basterds. He must've done his trademark Wide Eyed Glare one too many times.
What else was anomalous? (Is that a word? Do I care? Do you get what I'm getting at? OK.)
Duncan denied a milestone. One of the most consistent, come-through players of all time. And he stopped one short of the point milestone.
What I love about Duncan: he didn't care at all about it. He would've been embarrassed by any stoppage of play, any confetti or recognition; even postgame questions would've been an annoyance. He just wanted the W. And that's why he's one of (if not THE) greatest PF in history.
Wow. And to think I'm a Jazz fan.
Why?
During Pop's tenure, the Jazz had never swept the season series with the Spurs. Never. In fact, November's win at San Antonio was the first Jazz@Spurs win in, what, forever?
But there it was. Compliments of double doubles by D-Will and Boozer. Compliments of a big all-around (especially on offense) game by Kirilenko. And gutsy play by the benchguys- Milsap, even my love/hate whipping boy Ronnie Price. And maybe compliments of some reffing that seemed- even to a Jazz fan- to be out for Timmy's scalp like he were a nazi and the refs were the Basterds. He must've done his trademark Wide Eyed Glare one too many times.
What else was anomalous? (Is that a word? Do I care? Do you get what I'm getting at? OK.)
Duncan denied a milestone. One of the most consistent, come-through players of all time. And he stopped one short of the point milestone.
What I love about Duncan: he didn't care at all about it. He would've been embarrassed by any stoppage of play, any confetti or recognition; even postgame questions would've been an annoyance. He just wanted the W. And that's why he's one of (if not THE) greatest PF in history.
Wow. And to think I'm a Jazz fan.
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