Assault on Timberwolves History

Much has been said about the storied franchise that is the Minnesota Timberwovles. (Googling....nothing....searching...still nothing....Wikipedia....KG something....nothing) Okay, fine. So not much has been said about the long history of the Timberwolves because there isn't much of one. Aside from JR Rider going between the legs, KG giving it his all, and Kevin McHale's sweaters, (it appears all evidence of his terrible wardrobe choices have been eliminated from the internet but I know I've seen him in this sweater on more than one occasion) it's slim pickings.

Flashback to 2+ years ago: Al Jefferson arrives in the Twin Cities as the savior of this franchise. Since then he's been skyrocketing up the franchise's All-Time charts.

Just this past week, he moved up to 7th all time on the rebounding charts. Who did he pass? Doug West and Joe Smith. There's a bit of irony with the current icon in 'Sota passing one of its past, prematurely revered icons. In case you forgot, Doug West was a huge pickup for the T'Wolves, being compared to the likes of Jerry West. As for Joe Smith, well who hasn't he played for and gotten about 1,500 rebounds? Heck, half of his rebounds were probably KG's but since they looked so much alike on the court, they just gave every 5th rebound to Smith.

T-Wolves All Time Rebounds

7. Al Jefferson - 1,582
8. Joe Smith - 1,561
9. Doug West - 1559

Congratulations Al. Look out, Terrell Brandon, you're up next...where ever you are.

Henry Abbott agrees with TBC: CP3 could be the next KG (in a bad way)

TrueHoop contributor and all around smart NBA guru, Henry Abbott:

• The Hornets are in a bind. They have an MVP candidate entering his prime in Chris Paul, a local market hammered by Katrina, an owner many people don't like, some very big bad contracts, and a feeling that they need wins now to increase revenues and convince their franchise player that he is not the next Kevin Garnett (an MVP-caliber player who doesn't get to win titles because of the constraints of his poorly run small market team). (via TrueHoop)
  

910 Conversation - Southwest Division

DALLAS MAVERICKS

Looking back over the last several seasons, not necessarily in any kind of scientific/wikipedia/Google way but in more of a "this is what I remember" way, it seems as if the Mavericks have a formula. The formula is: take Dirk, your franchise player, and bring in one guy to complement him. Just look– Jason Kidd last year, Shawn Marion this year, Jason Terry or Jerry Stackhouse or Josh Howard from years past. These might not seem like big moves in retrospect, but at the time there was quite the buzz going around them.

Now, by the same token, go check Sandra Bullock's IMDB page. There's a very similar philosophy/formula happening. That formula? Bring in some male lead who's getting a lot of attention and do either a romantic comedy or a suspense/thriller. There are some exceptions; Crash, Speed, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. But, think about it it's largely the same formula as the Mavericks have used for Dirk Nowitzki.
And, not surprisingly, the results have been very similar. Huge box office success but never really making anything memorable. Nothing that's gonna stand up to the test of time. So much so that we pretty much know what we're getting from a Sandra Bullock movie before we even see the preview just like we can guarantee what we'll get from a Dirk-led Mavericks team. What we at the Black Converse have decided to do as we semi-follow the Mavericks throughout the year is thus Bullocked: determine which Sandra Bullock movie this season parallels the most.

Cue Will Arnett's wonderful pitchman voice: Sandra Bullock is Dirk Nowitzki in the 2009-2010 Dallas Mavericks Season

HOUSTON ROCKETS

The Rockets are starting to become a team you can't write off before the season. That's all thanks to the man behind the curtain, Houston's own Oz (the movie, not the show), Daryl Morey. This is no revelation. So what we've decided to do is award Mr. Morey with "TBC Smart Points" every time one of his moves pays off. We also reserve the right to take them away every time Tracy McGrady plays a minute this season. Also, if Smarties or Smartfood or Smartcars want to sponsor this portion of the blog, you know where to find us.

MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES

You might have expected us to contrast the Morey Smart Points with Chris Wallace Idiot Points. There are two reasons why that didn't happen: 1) We'd have to follow the Grizzlies too closely, something we cannot and will not commit to doing, and 2) they signed Allen Iverson to a rock bottom, one year rental agreement which was a really smart move in our eyes.

The more we dug into our vast NBA analytical databases, we discovered that any number in the thirties has the potential to play a large part in this Grizzlies season. They signed a thirtysomething Hall Of Famer, they might win thirty games, they could have thirty fans and they have a starting lineup in which each individual is consciencelessly capable of taking thirty shots per game. The theme of this Grizzlies season for us is Thirtysomething. We'll track anything related to thirty- losses, shot attempts, failed trade offers, you name it.

NEW ORLEANS HORNETS

CP3 is the new KG. A great player who is overly committed to a lousy team that would win about 4 games if he ever left. Don't believe us? Just watch this blog and we will be sure to point out all the instances this season that parallel KG's torturous run in the Land O' Lakes.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS

Charles Barkley has famously given Tim Duncan the nickname Groundhog Day. A great nickname by all standards and possibly Sir Charles' finest moment outside his foot race with Dick Bavetta and his golf swing.

Looking at the movie Groundhog Day, we see a lot more similarities with the Spurs as an organization and not just with Timmy. Bill Murray and Gregg Popovich have a similar facial complexion. Manu Ginobili debates every spring whether or not he wants to come off the injured list and actually play, much like Punxsutawney Phil. And every Spurs season seems to play out very similarly to the previous one with only slight deviations. So we wonder this year, how will this season deviate from a typical Spurs season?

Injury Report 4.2

Once again, a rundown of the injuries in the Association.

Allen Iverson (actually retiring instead of coming off the bench) is doubtful.

Joe Dumars (calling Iverson's bluff) is probable.

Any team (wanting Iverson's services) is highly doubtful.

Allen Iverson (joining T-Mak and Vince-mail in some sort of NBA version of The Breakfast Club) will wait until the offseason.

Shaquille O'Neal (signing on to the same movie) is rumored to have interest.

Stan Van Gundy (taking pot shots at every team the Magic play) is cleared for tonight's game.

Stan Van Gundy (getting the Gundy kicked out of him at some point before mid-April) is also cleared for tonight's game.

Stan Van Gundy (causing one of his players to get flagrant two'ed in the last game of the regular season because he can't keep his mouth shut) is highly probable.

James Posey (bringing the Miami/Boston mojo to the Bayou) is seeking another opinion on where his mojo might actually be.

Austin Powers (going back in time with Posey in a hilarious adventure to find both their mojos only to find out that they have the same dad while fighting miniature versions of themselves) is rumored to have interest.

James Posey (the new Robert Horry) is doubtful.

Kevin Garnett (taking the next two weeks off and only sleeping 2 hours a night because he is spending 22 hours a day psyching himself up in the mirror) is taking part in drills.

How do you say "Thrown Under The Bus" in German?

See Dirk talk (on 5ivemag.com).

See Dirk talk candidly.

See Dirk candidly throw several folks under der Autobus.

Throw who?

Say hello to the bottom of the bus or at least the back of Dirk's German slap....

Shawn Bradley, such an easy (and easy to hit) target. Pick on someone your own size, Dirk. Oh. Wait.

But, sure it’s bitter sometimes when a teammate doesn’t invest the necessary time. The best example was Shawn Bradley. He would some times come to training camp and not had a ball in his hands for four months. But what can you do? There is no rule.

Coach Avery Johnson, gone but not forgotten.

... hoped that Coach would let (Jason Kidd) play (Kidd's) way, that we would play quicker and have more fun. But just the opposite happened. Avery pushed his style on Jason. It was tough throwing a guy like him into a system which he didn't really like.

Dwyane Wade, almost complimented

(In the Finals) Dwayne Wade just played out of his mind, hit threes and got every whistle.

Karl Malone, if Dirk doesn't win a championship he PRAYS to be put in the same sentence as you, Stockton, and Barkley.

What Karl Malone did back then - heading to L.A. after all those years in Utah - yeah it was a little questionable. But when you want the championship so bad, then you can’t rule out a move like that.

Whoever Decided To Make Basketball A Team Sport, who totally ruined it for Dirk. Wah wah wah. So, Dirk, if basketball were an individual sport, you think you'd be winning championships over whom? Kobe? Wade? LeBron? Sure, pal. Sure.

I know I’m not in an individual sport. If I were in track and field maybe I would have won something big by now.

The Fair Police, who apparently took some days off. Further wah. Your team, by the way, got a Hall of Famer for Devin Harris. For the record, Kidd has only been in the league one more year than KG.

But the other teams have gotten so strong, also through some unfair trades -- Pau Gasol to Los Angeles and Kevin Garnett to Boston.

Change Of Plans For The Weekend

Here is a friendly little reminder, for all our readers across America, to update your weekend schedules accordingly.

Phoenix

The Suns PR has informed us that Friday the 13th 3-D will not be shown as part of a post All-Star block party downtown out front of Stoudemire's Downtown. Plan accordingly.

Coincidentally 140 points in a single game will also not be seen the rest of the year.

New Orleans

The Chris Wilcox Welcoming Party featuring Master P at the House of Blues has been moved to Nokia Theater at Times Square.
Also, Master P is off the bill and Jay-Z will instead be performing.

An unpacking party at Chandler's has just been confirmed. It is scheduled to start around 5:30. Please wear closed toe shoes.

Park City

Skiing with the Celtic's Big 3 at the Canyons has been postponed indefinitely as part of the West Coast push for Paul Pierce's "Truth Strikes Again" charity. Apparently Garnett couldn't make it...some kind of doctor's appointment.

Recently added to the local calendar is an intimate party at Harry-O's. Details say "for Boozer and his agent only. Drinks are on the house"

Dirkn't We Almost Have It All

I've been a real Dirk Doubter this season. Sure, the numbers were fine. But I wasn't a believer. "The guy is Mailmanally un-clutch." "His stats aren't meaningful." "That mouthguard is disgusting." When he made the All-Star Team, my first thought was that it was a legacy pick rather than a merit pick.

So I watched Dallas/Boston last night and began to believe.

He was a scoring machine. Making circus shots. Hitting tough shots. All against one of the toughest, most notorious defenses in the league and a highly motivated, very physical reigning Defensive Player of the Year in Kevin Garnett.

But Dirk didn't back down. KG got in his face, tried to intimidate, did the (tired, oops did I say that out loud?) KG thing, but Dirk was cool. Unflappable. He refused to be flapped.

They were leading. They were staying tough. Dirk was putting the Mavericks on his shoulders and taking them home.

And then they lost.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 10

Team Name: Kid N Truth or "Champs"
Team Members:Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce

Who else would be paired with either one of these guys? Even though they have been teammates for only a season and a half, they seem like they've been best friends their entire lives. They've even branched out into comedy just like Kid N Play. (If you don't believe me, watch any post-championship interviews with these two. It may be unintentional, but its still comedy)

The burning question is: which one would look the best in the Christopher "Kid" Reid flat top? The Kid? The Truth? And will we get an animated series starring KG and PP? Please?

ANYTHING IS POSSIIIIIIIIIIIBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE