Dragon Slaying

The Lakers, Spurs, Blazers, Nuggets, Jazz, Suns and Mavs have all been staples of the Western Conference playoffs the last decade or so. This lack of diversity in the Playoff gene pool has led to some great playoff games, great meltdowns and a great set up for this year. The late 90's proved to be the same kind of scenario in the Eastern Conference with the Knicks, Bulls, Pacers, and Heat. Coming from those series were a number of great Jordan moments, Reggie's theatrics and heroics versus the Knicks, and the Playoffs best announcer, Jeff Van Gundy, clinging to Alonzo Mourning's leg. It seemed that every year a Heat/Knicks matchup was inevitable, because it was. From 1997-2000, they met every year in the Playoffs and played the maximum number of games each series, with the clinching game of the series being decided in the closing moments of the game. Miami only beat the Knicks in one of those four series, the first one in 1997. After that, the Knicks became Miami's dragon; the naturally sworn enemy and inevitable matchup for the Heat, a matchup they could never overcome.

The Heat went through another stretch, although much shorter and less dramatic, when a matchup with the Detroit Pistons seemed destined every year. This may have had more to do with the Pistons versus Shaquille O'Neal (dating back to their upset of the Shaq/Malone/Kobe Lakers), but it was the Heat's dragon to slay if they wanted to win a championship. This year, the west is full of such destined matchups. Mavs/Spurs. Jazz/Nuggets. Suns/Spurs. Jazz/Lakers (potential). Suns/Lakers (potential). Lakers/Spurs (potential). Jazz/Spurs (potential). Its almost a paper/rock/scissors set up. Spurs own the Suns, Lakers own the Jazz, Spurs own the Lakers, Lakers own the Suns, and for the sake of the analogy lets just say the Jazz own the Suns. Each team seems to have a date with destiny, a passage though fire, or any other cliched hero/dating reference. Somebody is going to have to slay their team's figurative dragon.

Who wins in all this melee? We do. The way the first round has gone, we can almost assume that round two will be turned up to 11. I'm still hoping that Kevin Durant walks on water for the next two games of the Lakers/Thunder series, but if not it doesn't mean that the best basketball is behind us. Rather, its yet to come.

TeeMak Reinvents The Postage Stamp

I went to the Jazz/Knicks game the other night and, besides being underwhelmed by the Jazz's nonexistent Blood In The Water instinct, I was completely floored by a player I didn't think I could like less.

Tracy McGrady, you are a being of miraculous ways. There I was, thinking I despised you at the very peak of my despise-ation. And you, with your loafing indifference and half-assed shrugs (I mean, MAN, who shrugs half-assedly? A shrug is, by definition, half-ass!), cleared the clouds away, revealing yet ANOTHER PEAK OF DESPISE-ATION. Plaudits, Tracy.

In any other job, you would be fired. And your severance package would stink because your employer would have just cause. You clearly don't give a crap. You couldn't defend a mime in a fake box. And wouldn't even try. For millions upon millions of dollars. Ask the average American what they would do for just ONE million dollars.

Take a charge every night for 82 nights? Absolutely.
Run myself to exhaustion everyday for a full calendar year? No question.
Live in NYC and play basketball? Wait. YOU are paying ME?

You talented, lazy prince of the coast. Only in the unreality world of the NBA and its ridiculous contracts can you get away with such garbage. No wonder Houston sat on you until they could ship you to somebody who "wanted" you. Frankly, I'm amazed D'Antoni even bothers. He's shown no aversion to sitting purported "studs." (And let's get this out of the way now: you are no longer a stud. You may have been a star. Moronic voters may have been deluded enough to nearly vote you into an all-star position. But you are done. Cooked.)

Would I be so abrasive if you tried? No. I respect guys whose knees have quit but whose hearts refuse to. I respect guys whose grit outweighs their talent. I respect guys whose effort nods to the fact that they're blessed to get to go do for a living what the rest of us carve time out of our pathetic lives to do for FUN.

I hereby take away from your cousin Vince the moniker of The Postage Stamp. Your revolutionary approach to mailing it in has shamed him. Congratulations. I'll even capitalize the "T" in PosTage Stamp for you. Since I know you'd be too lazy to do it yourself.

PS: Thanks for the draft pick.

Two Recommendations

We do album reviews here. Nor movie reviews. Not book reviews. Album reviews. And even those are starting to be hard to come by. But, as Charlie T mentioned, I've been on the clock with The Man lately and thus away from TBC. But it did give me some time to read.

I finished Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball. It's as exhaustive as it looks and sounds. My quick, Twitter-length review is: exhaustive, funny, smart look @ who matters in NBA history by an admitted homer. Ends weak.

But I read it- all 600+ pages of it- in under three months. So that's saying something. If not for the last two chapters' petering out, I'd really recommend it (as long as you take it with a spoonful of I Can Tolerate A Celtic Bias antivirus). Maybe later I'll take a stab at a real review, but suffice it to say, I tore through it. I even used his MJ Is Better Than LeBron Until... argument a day after reading it.

And, speaking of Simmons, I can't recommend highly enough the latest 30for30, Winning Time about Reggie Miller's classic clash with the 90's Knicks. Even my wife was riveted, gasping, laughing out loud. Very very good.

Mavs Hand Knicks Worst MSG Loss Ever

As a Jazz fan, can I just add my $.02 that a 50-point home loss really should count as two?

Knicks/Jazz/Wolves Grab Bag

Some random thoughts on the intertwined Jazz/Knicks seasons. Any true Jazz fan has a vested interest in the Knicks' stockpiling some L's.

8-15
I expected a little more from the Knicks. Which, as a Jazz fan, is to say: I expected a little less.

3rd place in the Atlantic/Titanic division? Yes, only the Celtics are over .500 and the rest of the division = the tragic Nettes, the glory-day-desperate Sixers, and a team that- let's be honest- will never be Canada's Team (but may very well be on their way to becoming Chris Bosh's First Team). Still, even in such a lousy division, third place is overachieving for what my Jazz Draft Expectations have in mind. With the Bobcats, Beat-a-bulls, and Clippers on the docket, this could be bad.

What can we do to turn this around?

Isiah Thomas should be given a second (third? eighth?) chance. Sign Spike Lee to a 10-day that he can film called Spike Going To Work or, alternately, Some Black Men Can't Jump Either. And why not bring back some former Knick to sell tickets? Ewing? Grandmama? I hear Sprewell is looking for work. And little Nate Robinson should be playing major minutes with an eternal green light (just remember, D'Antoni, how prominently green figured into Nate's dunk contest antics last season).

Speaking of Kryptonite...

The T-Wolves Own The Jazz
Kryptowolves have 4 wins this season, two of them against the Jazz, the most recent last night at EnergySolutions Arena, where the Jazz have formerly boasted a decent home court advantage. So much for building on wins against Orlando and The Kobes. Thank goodness Minny won't be a playoff threat. Now we just have to hope the Jazz are. Sheesh, it only makes me hate Mike Love all the more.

Johnny Flynn Has Wolves Fans Asking "Ricky Whobio?"
For one night, at least. I couldn't resist the headline.

Euro Jazz

Who would've guessed that- with a booming record of 3-10- the Knicks would, at this point in the season, only be the league's THIRD worst team? The soon-to-be-Frankless Nettes are, by all indications, shooting for the January cover of Oprah's O magazine. As in O-for-the-season-so-far. And the Timberwolves? Well, nobody really expected much there, now did we, Mr. Rambis...

The combination of the Knicks' encouraging (for a Jazz fan) unimpressiveness and the breakout year of former Euroleaguer Brandon Jennings turns our hopeful eyes to Europe. Who are the top Euro-league prospects not named Ricky Rubio that the Jazz should consider?

Milenko Tepic? His profile here says he's not very athletic but has a "great attitude on and off the court." Oh great. If that interests you, my wife has a friend with a "really sweet spirit" she'd love to set you up with.

Nikola Pekovic? His profile essentially says he's a power player with almost no inside moves and terrible range. Add to that the fact that he's an undersized center who'd undoubtedly move to power forward in the NBA and suddenly I'm not that excited. Oooooh, but look at the notes:
Notes: A solid prospect, and one to keep an eye on

Come on, Europe. What about a Jennings-esque American who bucked Stern's "Can't Play Straight Outta High School" mandate? Is there one out there? Please?

Win/Win or Lose/Lose

The Jazz are in NYC to face the Knicks, which means a win is a double win (a road win AND another loss towards the Knicks' lottery campaign) and a loss is a double loss (a road loss to a very beatable team AND another win against the Knicks' lottery campaign).

In a season where:

- the Jazz appear to be a very well-motivated hockey team (3 winning and solid quarters, lots of fouls. Come on. If there were no fourth quarter, this team would be killing it. Ah, but there IS a fourth quarter. And this team is getting killed.)
- the Jazz got a loss to a Kevin Martin-less team of misfit toys (potentially the tipping point to The Black Converse having to attend the January 29 Jazz/Kings game)
- the Jazz beat the Spurs on the FRONT end of a back-to-back
- the Jazz let Dirk believe his hair had Samsonian qualities
- the weak interior defense has led many Jazz fans to (silently) wonder what Greg Ostertag is up to

it's not too hard to see how a W against this particular Knicks team could be a bona fide must-win. Unless you're shooting for TWO lottery picks...

The Pink Seats Aren't Exactly Beckoning. The Purple Ones? Even Less.

At 0-3, the Kings aren't exactly making us sweat our bet.



Meanwhile, the Knicks are right on schedule. They score FIFTEEN more points per game than Sacramento and still have a worse point differential. Wow. The Jazz could use somebody who blocks shots...UNC's Ed Davis might have that. Only 6 ft 10, though and we might already have a corner on the market of undersized bigs.

Change Of Plans For The Weekend

Here is a friendly little reminder, for all our readers across America, to update your weekend schedules accordingly.

Phoenix

The Suns PR has informed us that Friday the 13th 3-D will not be shown as part of a post All-Star block party downtown out front of Stoudemire's Downtown. Plan accordingly.

Coincidentally 140 points in a single game will also not be seen the rest of the year.

New Orleans

The Chris Wilcox Welcoming Party featuring Master P at the House of Blues has been moved to Nokia Theater at Times Square.
Also, Master P is off the bill and Jay-Z will instead be performing.

An unpacking party at Chandler's has just been confirmed. It is scheduled to start around 5:30. Please wear closed toe shoes.

Park City

Skiing with the Celtic's Big 3 at the Canyons has been postponed indefinitely as part of the West Coast push for Paul Pierce's "Truth Strikes Again" charity. Apparently Garnett couldn't make it...some kind of doctor's appointment.

Recently added to the local calendar is an intimate party at Harry-O's. Details say "for Boozer and his agent only. Drinks are on the house"

*

Baseball has its asterisk. Even though I have my differences with the idea of the asterisk, it is force fed to me and the rest of the world. Apparently if you take certain substances you will be better at sports but if you take other substances you will also be better at sports but subject to banishment if anyone finds out. Right. Sounds perfectly reasonable.

Guns N Roses made some legendary rock. Mixed in with that they made some pretty crappy stuff too. They then faded out, farmed out their band memebers while Axl tried desperately to keep the name alive. He brought in other big names like Dave Navarro and Buckethead to replace Slash. While the talent may have kind of been there the music was definitely not. Anything from The Spaghetti Incident and after should be clearly marked with an asterisk, warning fans of tampering.

In 2001-2002 Isiah Thomas took over the Knicks and proceeded to make them a terrible team. Not just your run of the mill terrible, but epically terrible. They couldn't play defense and only occasionally could play offense. They drafted like they had their head you know where. Subsequently all kinds of records started to fall while teams played the Knicks. They now have a good coach, some direction in their franchise (even if it is about as wishful as my NBA dreams) but they still don't have great talent or anyone who plays defense.

So I decree, from this moment backward and forward, that ALL RECORDS SET AGAINST THE KNICKS IN THE LAST 7 YEARS BE MARKED WITH AN ASTERISK REMINDING FUTURE GENERATIONS THAT THIS TEAM WAS TO THE NBA WHAT P.E.D.s WERE TO MARK MCGWIRE AND SAMMY SOSA.

By the way...
Did anyone see Carmelo almost get a triple double on the Thunder, and set the scoring record or a visiting opponent at the Ford Center?

LeBron's Big Chance

This is it, LeBron.

Here's your chance.

You can, tonight, ensure that you will be:

The Visiting Player Who Scored The Most At Madison Square Garden. (All it takes is 62. What? 62 against the run-and-guns is still hard? Come on. You're THE BRON. This is a D'Antoni team. I don't want to hear excuses. I wanna hear nets ripping, New Yorkers cheering, and Kobe crying into his Like Mike commemorative pillow. Earn that Nike money, Bron Bron, and just do it.)

and

The Knick Who Scored The Most At Madison Square Garden.




Cleveland, you're on the clock...

Congratulations Mr. Bryant

You scored 61 points against the Knicks.

That is like me dunking the ball on a 7 foot hoop.
Or a lion picking off the sick one in a herd of zebras.

Or you scoring 81 on the Raptors.
Or me beating you in a video game and then telling you that you suck at basketball.
Or Lloyd Christmas selling the parakeet to Billy in 4C.


When Jordan dropped 55 he didn't have Wilson "Who" Chandler guarding him all game.
When Jordan dropped 55 the Knicks were tough, physical and defensive minded.
When Jordan dropped 55 he had just come back from playing baseball for two years, on his fifth game back.

Scoring 61 on these Knicks is like scoring 61 against the Reno Bighorns...because thats where most of this current team will be playing out the rest of there careers.

So congratulations Mr. Bryant. You beat a deaf kid in a name that tune contest.
Score 61 on the Celtics Thursday and then we'll talk.