The Tables Have Turned

The worst thing about playing a team you are guaranteed to beat is the outside chance you won't beat them. Welcome to the psyche to everyone who has to play the Nettes in the last couple weeks of the season. Seeing the Nettes on the schedule right now is worse than seeing the orange-hot Milwaukee Bucks, the streaking Phoenix Suns, The Jackson Five, or even the Promise Making Chicago Bulls. You never want to lose to the worst team. Ever.


As a Heat fan I went through it a week ago as D-Wade and Co went to the Meadowlands and I am staring down the barrel of another potential disaster the last game of the season in Miami.

Here is why it sucks. Lets say you are the Phoenix Suns who are a game out of second place in the Western Conference. One of your rivals, the Mavs, are playing a tough Grizzlies team on the road and the other rival, the Jazz are playing a tricky Warriors team at home. You've got the Nettes on the schedule. One of the 3 worst teams OF ALL TIME but who are playing like a playoff team now. Winners of 3 out of 4 including one over the Spurs. So the Suns are thinking they are moving up to at least the 3rd seed and possibly the 2nd. You have penciled in a win because you don't think you'll be the team to lose to them. You won't be one of the 10 wins they have all season....right?

So while one Lopez tries to get braggin rights over the other, I'll be biting my nails hoping that the Nettes can pick up a win or two against someone else so it doesn't have to happen to my guys.

The Clippers Stink, Futility

Anyone who has ever followed a team on the fringes of mediocrity knows that you always look ahead on the schedule and try to predict wins. You see games against Minnesota, New York, Sacramento, Indiana, New Jersey and Washington and pencil in wins in an attempt to predict a rise in the standings for your team. You hope your team can feed off of futility and not be one of the 20 wins for the other team.

This brings us to our next look at how the Clippers might get rid of the stink and the losing ways. Two nights ago the took the court against the lowly Nettes. The 3-40 New Jersey Nettes. The first line of the AP article on the game starts "The crowd was on its feet and clapping. The players were standing near midcourt, happily waiting for the final buzzer to sound." Too bad the game was in East Rutherford. It wasn't the Clippers feeding off the bottom. It was the Nettes taking advantage of the losing ways of the Clippers. It appears it wouldn't matter if the Clippers played the Nettes every night.. They still might only be a .500 team having split the season series with the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

The letters guessed on this edition of Clipper's Stink Hangman were N-E-T-T-E-S. (or just N-E-T-S for those hardcore rule hounds). Below is an updated Hangman board, red letters showing the newly guessed letters. Looks like we might be inching a little closer to the answer.

A Nettes-fueled idea

Looking at the Nettes hapless (and, to the record-holding loser Sixers, wonderfully encouraging) season got me thinking:

What if the NBA borrowed an idea from Euro soccer?

Relegate the worst two teams. Move them down.

It curbs tanking. It provides incentive for both players and front offices to a) play like a team, and b) make moves that make a difference. It makes free agency more interesting (fewer players would stick with lousy teams in "pleasant" markets). Charlie T and I have talked a bit about using the D-League as incentive- bringing one team up from the D-League and bringing one team down from the NBA (it would certainly keep things interesting). BUT... looking at the Nettes and their femininely named roster, it gave me another idea:

Relegate the worst team to the WNBA.

No, this is not a Tyler Perry movie. And, no, I'm not using this as a way to air out some latent sexism that, really, I don't have. This is real incentive. Going back to the Billie Jean King/Bobby Riggs "Battle of The Sexes" tennis match, this has appeal to everyone. Women want to see women kick men's butts. Many men don't think women can compete with us, that it's cute that they even try (the catalyst for the crappy "you're so beautiful when you're angry" line) It's a concept at the heart of the Road Rules/Real World challenges and any other cookout/family reunion/game night that has used Boys Vs Girls to split up teams.

The Nettes would fit right in.

Nettes v Jazz

Some storylines going into tonight's Jazz @ Nettes game:

The Road
The Jazz have to ask themselves: "Will this be more like Willie Nelson's road or Cormac McCarthy's road?" A pretty lousy road team lately, the Jazz will find out which way- Willie or Cormac- this trip's gonna go tonight. Atlanta/Charlotte*/Miami/Orlando. The teams only get tougher after the turnpike.

2 going on 3
The Jazz boosted the Kryptowolves from two to four W's. The Nettes are understandably rooting for a bump (some psychologists would say all women are, deep down, wishing for a bump) from the Jazz. And let's just say the Jazz should take all precautions to keep from making Jersey the babymama of another little L.

Lack of Estrogen
The Jazz are notably lacking in feminine (or even androgynous) names- Ronnie being as close as it gets. Some of the names could be morphed a bit, if that will help motivate the Nettes to get their claws out: Carla Boozer, Andrea Kirilenko, Geri Sloan (dare you to try that to his face)...



* A quick thank you to the Bobcats for adding to the Knicks' L column last night. A fruitcake is in the mail.

Outdone By The Truth

Sometimes fiction and farce and fantasy is trumped by fact.

Case in point, yesterday Charlie T speculated with varying degrees of seriousness about who would be the Nettes' next coach. He tossed around some guys-with-girls'-names, some androgynous types, a bona fide, and some real deal women's coaches.

And then the Nettes gave the job to:

KIKI.

First, I'm bummed we didn't stick him on our initial list of candidates. Second, wow, thank you, New Jersey, for validating this little blog of ours. Third, was there no one named Roxy or Krystal or Fantasia or Cinnamon available?

A League of Their Own

The Nettes are rewriting the history books with every game this year. First, they were to the first team to make jump from the WNBA to the NBA. Then they tied (and should break) the record for most consecutive losses to start the season. Now they are in search of a new coach and could really be trendsetters there too. To help out the record setting Nettes, we have prepared a list of the top coaching candidates who are more than qualified to lead the Real Housewives into battle on the hardwood for the rest of this season.

10. His/her ability to relate to both genders on the team cannot be overlooked

















9. Couldn't hurt to stack the deck a little more for the 2010 bonanza
(obviously its the person on the right)



















8. Lawrence Frank was bad, but she has one of the greatest videos of all time
(also, cannot be overlooked that she is sleeping with management)




















7. Has the WNBA pedigree and looking to break into the Association in a leading role


















6. Whose name would look the best next to other "hot girl names"?



















5. Probably the closest to the job on this list













4. Seeing this after every win would put people in the seats for sure...on second thought we would never get to see it
















3. The best college coaches always go pro at some point



















2. This is our favorite...only so we can watch our TNT doubleheaders in peace

















1. Ladies and Gentlemen, the new coach of the New Jersey Nettes....Jimmy Dugan

C-C-Courtney and Nettes

Quoted from the AP: "New Jersey guard Courtney Lee is available to play against the Denver Nuggets after missing the last seven games because of a groin injury."

Riiiiight...

Euro Jazz

Who would've guessed that- with a booming record of 3-10- the Knicks would, at this point in the season, only be the league's THIRD worst team? The soon-to-be-Frankless Nettes are, by all indications, shooting for the January cover of Oprah's O magazine. As in O-for-the-season-so-far. And the Timberwolves? Well, nobody really expected much there, now did we, Mr. Rambis...

The combination of the Knicks' encouraging (for a Jazz fan) unimpressiveness and the breakout year of former Euroleaguer Brandon Jennings turns our hopeful eyes to Europe. Who are the top Euro-league prospects not named Ricky Rubio that the Jazz should consider?

Milenko Tepic? His profile here says he's not very athletic but has a "great attitude on and off the court." Oh great. If that interests you, my wife has a friend with a "really sweet spirit" she'd love to set you up with.

Nikola Pekovic? His profile essentially says he's a power player with almost no inside moves and terrible range. Add to that the fact that he's an undersized center who'd undoubtedly move to power forward in the NBA and suddenly I'm not that excited. Oooooh, but look at the notes:
Notes: A solid prospect, and one to keep an eye on

Come on, Europe. What about a Jennings-esque American who bucked Stern's "Can't Play Straight Outta High School" mandate? Is there one out there? Please?

The Real, Real Housewives of New Jersey

Courtney, Brook, Yi, Bobby, Chris, Rafer, and Devin. No, they aren't the model slated for the 2010 SI Swimsuit issue, they are the nucleus of the New Jersey Nettes, the first team to make the jump from the WNBA to the NBA.

At the onset of the season, we knew the Nets would be bad and just wanted to make fun of the fact that most of them have first names that attractive models would have. We never realized they would be this bad. Not only are they named like girls, but they are playing like them. It hasn't been easy starting out 0-12. Tensions are high in the locker room from losing games, but there are now problems outside the locker room credit cards are maxed out from all that post-loss, self esteem restoring, binge shopping.

Needless to say, life has been tough as a New Jersey Housewife trying to make a living on the hardwood. But we never thought the ladies would lose their composure and start acting like this:


This video was taken of the team at a restaurant in Milwaukee after losing to the suddenly resurgent Bucks.

We can only what will happen on Madison Avenue after a loss to the 1-10 Knicks on Saturday.

Right now I give the Nettes a 9 on their performance thus far, as in Title IX.

910 Conversation: Atlantic Division

BOSTON CELTICS

There are plenty of storylines this year with Boston. How is KG? Really, how is he? How healthy are the old-timers? Do the Big Three have on more Big One in them? How will the offseason's soap opera affect Rondo? Have they done enough to keep pace with the movers and shakers of the East? If so, do they have what it takes to beat L.A.? Mainstream media will pay plenty of attention to those questions and more, so we’re simply going to focus on one number: 10.

Rasheed Wallace, that shrinking violet, reportedly predicted 72 wins for this year’s Celtics. For a team that nearly everybody (both of us included, southern California media excluded) likes to follow, we’re keeping it simple. We’re gonna countdown those 10 losses.

NEW JERSEY NETTES

Confession: I used to be a NJ fan. I have a blue and red 1994 hat. Drazen Petrovic is one of my all-time favorite players. I loved Mookie Blaylock, Keith Van Horn, Jason Kidd. I even sort of held on during the VC phase. But, like Snoop Dogg’s marriage, it fizzled. Maybe that doesn't make me a true fan (but what are the governing rules of allegiance for picking your second or third team? I mean, I'll always be a Jazz fan first. After that, it's been the Dominique era Hawks, the Drazen era Nets, etc. I think you're allowed some whims and crushes for anything after your main team.)

Looking over the roster, there are certainly players with potential: Harris, Lopez, Simmons, Lee…I even liked Douglas-Roberts at Memphis. But, zzzzzz.

What really struck us was the concentration of girls’ names on this roster:

Courtney

Brook

Bobbi

Chris

Devin

Is this a basketball team or a spirit squad? So, we’re dubbing them the Nettes (or Real Housewives of New Jersey) and keeping tabs on how this A Team Of Their Own fares with the rigors of being a WNBA team in the NBA. Also, we’re hoping they can lure Stacey Augmon and Dominique Wilkins out of retirement.

NEW YORK KNICKS

As a Utah fan, I have one and only one reason to care about the Knicks this year:

Utah owns the Knicks’ 2010 first round pick.

Please let them suck in epic ways. Please give the New York Post all sorts of “Not In The Knick Of Time” and other crappy headline puns on blowing it. All season, we’ll keep track of how Utah’s draft chances look and who the top prospects are.

PHILADELPHIA 76ers

As well-documented Springsteen fans, we’ll call this season Glory Days. We’ll check in with current and former Sixers to see how they view this season in contrast with past seasons (both players AND the franchise).

TORONTO RAPTORS

A team on the brink of losing its superstar in the gag-inducing hype of 2010 free agency tries to assemble a cast that’ll keep him there. But we’re after the story that’s really concerning the Raptors’ front office:

HOW CAN THE RAPTORS BECOME CANADA’S TEAM?

We’ll watch the power rankings of polled Canucks and their team preferences, as the Raptors fluctuate up and down. Will they end the season at the top? Or will they have Canadians asking, “NB, eh?” Stay tuned. Especially you, Chris Bosh.