A Tale of Two Trades

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. It was the end of a life-long saga, it was the end of a week-long surprise. We had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going to heaven, we were all going directly the other way. In short, it was Carmelo and Deron, it was Axl and Thom.

It’s the best of times in Manhattan. It’s the best of times in the house of Melo and LaLa. Oddly enough, it’s also the best of times in Denver. Denver can move on. They have played a tiresome role throughout this saga. I would like to liken them unto the studio engineer who got stuck working on “Chinese Democracy” with Axl Rose. A thankless job in more ways than one. But that’s not where the similarities end between Carmelo to the Knicks and “Chinese Democracy”. Just like Axl’s final opus, we knew it was coming for so long that, when it finally happened, we didn’t even care. Collectively, as sports fans, we were more relieved that it was over. You can see this relief on the faces of Nuggets fans as well as the players. I don’t think the fans will remember this trade beyond the end of the season, much in the same way we don’t remember that “Chinese Democracy” finally came out.

Across the river, something different was happening. New Jersey somehow landed a guy who was candidate numero uno for the NBA’s version of a franchise tag. This was about as unexpected as Radiohead dropping a new album just days after announcing it (and then releasing it a day earlier than that). The world seemed to stop and jaws dropped when Williams got traded. Likewise when ‘King of Limbs” hit. It consumed everyone with ears to hear and twitters to tweet. But that’s not where the similarities end between Deron to the Nets and “King of Limbs”. Nobody knew what to make of either happening. We figured “King of Limbs” was a big deal, but opinions were across the board. It was too much to digest without fair warning. Same with Deron to the Nets. It had to be a good thing. He’s the best PG in the league going to the richest owner in the league and eventually to Brooklyn. But it didn’t seem to instantly energize the Nets. Or their fanbase. But it should be a big deal. I think ultimately both “King of Limbs” and Deron as a Net will matter and we will figure out how to understand them. It’s going to take longer than a week or two, heck, it might even take a couple years.

When we can finally wrap our heads around Deron the Net and “King of Limbs”, we will realize that Deron as a Net is to Carmelo as a Knick, just like “King of Limbs” is to “Chinese Democracy”. One will have a lasting impact, and the other will become a catch phrase for players refusing to sign extension and instead wanting to be traded. That’s an incredibly long phrase that desperately needs some help.
I can’t wait for next season when Dwight Howard starts pulling a Melo. Wake me when that’s over too.

CaraMelo Count: 2

41 pts 6 rebs 3 assists 52% FG 18-19 FTs

ATTN: Carmelo

You keep this up and we'll need your billing address to give to our dentist.

- TBC

Caramelo Count: 1

As deeply as it pains me as a Jazz fan to say it (only one game into the season too), The Melo balled last night*. The dunk (above) on Milsap alone (minus the post-dunk preening and self-affirmation) is enough to make me eat my first Caramello** of the season. Paul Milsap is one of my favorite players, a real hustler with game, but- hey- throw an outlet pass like that and you'll get what you deserve. You win this time, mellow Cara.



PS: The incessant blitz by the Thugget/Caramelo/ESPN camp about The Melo's MVP candidacy is nauseating. No one ever marketed their way to an MVP. Play like one, then think about getting one.



* Not surprisingly, Deron Williams turned in a near equal line but went under the announcers' Gush Radar.
MELO: 30 pts, 50% shooting, 1-2 3pt, 7-10 FT, +/- of -7, 8 reb, 5 ast, 1 stl, 2 TO, 1 blk
DWILL: 28 pts, 60% shooting, 2-3 3pt, 8-8 FT, +/- of +4, 3 reb, 13 ast, 1 stl, 5 TO

** Two "L"s. Who knew?

Playoff Musings, Conference Finals

THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE THE PLAYOFFS
Yes, you probably already knew all this. But it's news to me.

THERE IS ACTUALLY A SCENARIO IN WHICH I'LL ROOT FOR CARMELO ANTHONY. WHO KNEW?
The one and only scenario, not involving the Olympics or terrorists and potential harm to my loved ones, is when Carmelo is playing against Kobe. With the exception of TeeMak, who doesn't make the cut simply because we only count players who have played in the second round, these are probably my two least favorite players in the NBA. Maybe ever. But let me go the record here: GO 'MELO. KICK THE CRAP OUT OF THAT SCOWLING, PREENING MAMBA. Happy?

ORLANDO IS ALMOST AS LEGIT AS BARKLEY SAYS AND- IN THE WORDS OF THEIR OWN COACH- CERTAINLY TOO LEGIT TO QUIT.
I doubted the Magic. I like Howard, but he's a FT liability in the crunch. I like Lewis, but his smooth shot (and it is smooooooth) is more than a little overpaid (not sure anybody in Orlando feels that way after last night). They lost their all-star caliber PG. The bench seemed shallow. Stan Van seems a little uneven to me. So I wasn't really onboard.
They may only win Game 1, but I have to say that that's a real team. They kept digging in, especially Turkoglu who looked like a sloppier, white Magic Johnson last night, right down to the big smile after timeouts. You'll see the Cavs do some stomping in Game 2, but it won't be because the Magic aren't legit. The Cavs just might, when they're angry, be legitter.

KENNY SMITH MIGHT NOT BE THE SMOOTH OPERATOR PERSONALITY THAT HE SEEMS TO BE CULTIVATING
Did anyone else see in the postgame when he got visually bugged because he didn't get his printouts in time? Chill, baby. You're flanked by talkers galore. Your job is secure. Don't blow all the Mellow Dude Equity you've built up. It was like seeing Jack Johnson put on combat boots, a leather duster, and start spitting bullets all across the North Shore.

Musings des Playoffés, Conference Finalés

Boston ran out of gas somewhere in the second half of Game 6 and now we have my 4 least favorite playoff teams still in it; LA, Denver, Orlando and Cleveland. Now the great mental debate is to figure out which of those teams is the lesser of the evils. I can't go with LA and even less after the Spike Lee mockumentary. Denver was winning my heart over a little with some Billups, being paired up against the Lakers, and Carmelo losing his cornrows and baby fat, but they are still the Nuggets. Orlando has the worst jerseys still in play. And Cleveland has all the hype and the overflowing bandwagon. I don't really know how to keep interest in these playoffs now. And to top it off, there are now TWO Kobe/LeBron commercials after the Nike Muppets showed up. We all know what that means. The Conference Finals are a formality.

All these things stacked against me left me looking for something to grab on to. Then it hit me, if a McCafé can make work that much better, then maybe it will make these playoffs better. So lets look at last nights game through McCafé-eyes and see if it helps.

Before the game we had the Draft Lotteré. Highlights there included the Larry Bird Face (as seen here), Stern giving the stiff arm during the pre-lottery interview, a Chris Webber we-just-got-screwed-but-I-shouldn't-have-expected-different laugh and the best was the hand shakes between the the final three.

First of all we no longer have Kobe or Nene, but Kobé and Nené. The latter was solid for three quarters and turned into a lost fourth grader in the last quarter. The former had the opposite type of game thanks to the officiating manage-a-trois.

We had a little Chauncé making some big shots. But it was only a little. Perhaps one of the most perplexing story lines of the playoffs is how the terrible Lakers PGs don't get killed every night. Sure they let Williams have some good games, but he wasn't as dominant as he should have been. Lil' Chris Rock could only torch them every other game. And shouldn't Chauncé have had 30-15?

Next we had Uglé. Formerly known as Ugly and before that he was known as Pau Gasol. He somehow had more offensive rebounds than the big, crazy Brazilian Nené. As long as the smaller Uglé is pushing around the beast of Nené, we are in for a lot more post-tip-in primal screams.

Carmelo Anthoné. Gosh he played good last night. But even with that and some McCafé I still can't do the Anthoné.

Can anyone explain to me how, when Odomé and Birdmané were spooning on the floor and Odomé was the big spoon, it could have been considered a jump ball? That was the beginning of the hosé job and a sign of things to come.