Thursday, March 12, 2009

When Can I Trust Kobe?

ESPN's Streak For Cash has taken hold of us here at The Black Converse. If you haven't done it don't start unless you are prepared to become addicted.

Sometimes the propositions seem obvious, but sometimes the sure bets are anything but that. Exhibit 1: Kobe Bryant. Both Spike and myself have put our streak on the shoulders of Mr. Bryant only to be completely and utterly let down. I have been the victim thrice, Spike twice and in discussing yesterday's choices this conversation came up.

If you can't trust Kobe on a Streak For Cash pick, when can you trust him? And more importantly, when would you want to trust him? (the latter is probably how most real sports fans feel due to Kobe's loathsome persona)

Spike: I root for Kobe in precious few moments:
- the Olympics
- maybe against LeBron
- just to piss you off against the Heat
- if he is the only chance a loved one has of living
- against isiah thomas

Charlie T.: Those are understandable moments. I root for Kobe when:
- He has 40+ at halftime and I want to see if he will gun the whole second half
- he is playing the Nuggets, Rockets, Cavs, Knicks, Mavs, Magic, and any other team that is above the Heat in the standings
- He is on the Olympic team

Spike: - I'm playing my nephew in NBA 2003 and he's the Spurs and I'm the Lakers
- I've invented a time machine and i'm back in his early years and he airballs those shots at the Delta Center. I want him to make maybe one of them, just so he'll take it a little less shoulderchipped on the future Jazz.
- his wife makes her next threat to leave him (in a poorly veiled effort to get more bling) and he lets the digger go
- the next generation of hip hop superduper hoop studs comes along and want to upend the old guard. I want him to stomp them down like the little ponies they are.
- when he tries to remake the car-jumping clip in 5 years when his legs lose their spring. i hope he still makes it. or just jumps over a mini cooper.
- when China takes over and the only way they will let the U.S. maintain some degree of sovreignty is if Kobe/Kurt Rambis can defeat Yao/Yi

Charlie T.: - when he is rapping with Tyra Banks...because I want him to rap better than her so she becomes the butt of the jokes and gets her due.
- ANYTIME the countries safety/sovereignity is on the line. (for some reason he is someone you feel like you can lean on with all your weight and he'll deliver) (unless it is the NBA Finals...then you don't want anything resting on him)

Spike: - when they play the first game in space and Sasha Vujacic is about to get the first in-space dunk. I will root for him to SWAT HIS OWN TEAM so the Russians can't win.

Charlie T.: - ANYTIME there is an opportunity to bitchslap Vujacic.
- when he has the chance to make Luke Walton cry during a timeout.

Spike: - when he's diving for a loose ball out of bounds and can nail Ashton Kutcher in the manparts if he'll just lift his knee THIS much...
- when the outcome of whatever he's doing will cause outrage within Mark Cuban.

As you can see, we don't hate Kobe. We root for him. We want him to do well...sometimes.

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