Playoff Musings...Round 2

Only two series have made it to the critical 2nd game, hence we only have two series to muse about today. Some loose ends also need tied up from the first round. Relevant matters first.

The Houston Rockets

Like any team who is playing against the Lakers, they are quickly become my new playoff darling. Their MVP has to be TEEmak's doctor who suggested he needed microfracture (or the guy he hired to pretend to be a doctor) or it has to be the guy the Rockets hired to keep him away from the team. I can only imagine the tactics he might be using. Ex-Lax in his milkshake, intentionally locking TMAQ's keys in his car, setting all his clocks a couple hours ahead, looping black and white footage of his 13 points in 35 seconds while that piano music plays (you know the "Where Amazing Happens" one) I can't wait for the Outside The Lines on this guy.

With the series shifting back to Houston, and real fans coming into play in the series (there was a Lakers fan wearing a purple and yellow Yankees hat at the game...I love that type of fan), I am going to list my 5 most wanted cheers rocking the Toyota Center.

5. "EAT THE HEAD, EAT THE HEAD" This happens anytime Yao checks in or out of the game. (For those who don't get it, here)

4. "RELEASE TRACY clap....clap...clap clap clap, RELEASE TRACY clap....clap...clap clap clap"

3. "SECOND ROUND" (with the same clapping)

2. "BREAK HIS NECK" (again the clapping) This is done anytime Artest's man gets the ball.

1. I can't actually write this one here (for our younger readers) but it has to do with Vujacic and female anatomy.

LA Lakers

Which was more poorly executed from a script, Odom walking to the game tonight to "get back to his roots when he was a kid waling around New York looking for a pick up game" or Kobe's wife meeting him in the tunnel after the game with a kiss?

Question for Lamar: Was Craig Sager and the camera crew an important part of making the whole flashback thing more authentic?

Note for Kobe: You only get to shake your head and say "You can't guard me" to Battier AFTER you have made 3 or more shots in a row. Its a rule that dates back to NBA JAM.

Orlando Magic

Barkley said it best, "Orlando was happy with getting a split." And thats exactly how championship contender think...right?

We have added a new degree of slapping. It is somewhere between the bitch-slap and the how-dare-you slap...its the Rafer.
Used in a sentence, "I made Joey look like a total loser last night while he was tried to get that waitress' number at Chili's. So on the way to the car I got Rafered."

Boston Celtics

Big Baby is your starting power forward, Jackie Moon is playing significant minutes and your team MVP, Pierce, played all of 16 minutes, 6 of which were during garbage time, and you still won by almost 20. Who else is happy to not be seeing the Bulls for 7 more games?

Dare I say Perk > Dwight? If we are talking bang for your buck, yes. If we are talking over-hyped, poorly staged dunk contests...push.

Playoff Musings pt. iv:

Wait.

Can you have a "Where Will Amazing Happen This Year" commercial that shows last year's Houston Rockets? I know you have stars to peddle, Mr. Stern, but the Rockets may have won that battle, but they lost the war. I'm not saying a team necessarily has to win the series (the LeBron commercial is the good example), but they should probably have escaped the first round.

That was amazing when the Rockets lost to the Jazz in the first round. Again.

That was amazing when Yao Ming hit that shot over Okur that extended the Rockets' season.

Dream Team-Up Pt.3 OR Yao Yi Mao Wii

Pairing #3

Team Name:The Chairmen
Team Members:Yao Ming and Yi Jianlian

Forced by The Peoples Republic to team up in this competition, tricked into thinking they would be posting up a couple of folding chairs, left for dead on the court against ravenous Eastern Conference All-Star snubs.

Don't get us wrong, there is talent, but one thing stands unchallenged: If The Chairmen play any- and I mean ANY- two pieces of furniture, they will go undefeated.

Secretary Desk and Armoire? Good luck.

IKEA shelves and four-post bed? Not a chance.

I'll tell you what: they could go up against a five piece living room set and Yao/Yi would still dismantle them like cheap Scandanavian particle board.

That aside, this is the one team that might put up a fight against Shaq/Howard. Yao shoots about 90% from the field and from the foul line. While they would get torn apart by a faster team of guards, they have a chance to make the second round if the NBA marketing genii decide to put the Chairmen up against the Supermen.

In the end they had better soak in the starting line-up announcements at the game on Sunday because that will be the most action you see all weekend in Phoenix, unless the Chinese judges are handing out scores.