Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Playoff Musings...Round 2

Only two series have made it to the critical 2nd game, hence we only have two series to muse about today. Some loose ends also need tied up from the first round. Relevant matters first.

The Houston Rockets

Like any team who is playing against the Lakers, they are quickly become my new playoff darling. Their MVP has to be TEEmak's doctor who suggested he needed microfracture (or the guy he hired to pretend to be a doctor) or it has to be the guy the Rockets hired to keep him away from the team. I can only imagine the tactics he might be using. Ex-Lax in his milkshake, intentionally locking TMAQ's keys in his car, setting all his clocks a couple hours ahead, looping black and white footage of his 13 points in 35 seconds while that piano music plays (you know the "Where Amazing Happens" one) I can't wait for the Outside The Lines on this guy.

With the series shifting back to Houston, and real fans coming into play in the series (there was a Lakers fan wearing a purple and yellow Yankees hat at the game...I love that type of fan), I am going to list my 5 most wanted cheers rocking the Toyota Center.

5. "EAT THE HEAD, EAT THE HEAD" This happens anytime Yao checks in or out of the game. (For those who don't get it, here)

4. "RELEASE TRACY clap....clap...clap clap clap, RELEASE TRACY clap....clap...clap clap clap"

3. "SECOND ROUND" (with the same clapping)

2. "BREAK HIS NECK" (again the clapping) This is done anytime Artest's man gets the ball.

1. I can't actually write this one here (for our younger readers) but it has to do with Vujacic and female anatomy.

LA Lakers

Which was more poorly executed from a script, Odom walking to the game tonight to "get back to his roots when he was a kid waling around New York looking for a pick up game" or Kobe's wife meeting him in the tunnel after the game with a kiss?

Question for Lamar: Was Craig Sager and the camera crew an important part of making the whole flashback thing more authentic?

Note for Kobe: You only get to shake your head and say "You can't guard me" to Battier AFTER you have made 3 or more shots in a row. Its a rule that dates back to NBA JAM.

Orlando Magic

Barkley said it best, "Orlando was happy with getting a split." And thats exactly how championship contender think...right?

We have added a new degree of slapping. It is somewhere between the bitch-slap and the how-dare-you slap...its the Rafer.
Used in a sentence, "I made Joey look like a total loser last night while he was tried to get that waitress' number at Chili's. So on the way to the car I got Rafered."

Boston Celtics

Big Baby is your starting power forward, Jackie Moon is playing significant minutes and your team MVP, Pierce, played all of 16 minutes, 6 of which were during garbage time, and you still won by almost 20. Who else is happy to not be seeing the Bulls for 7 more games?

Dare I say Perk > Dwight? If we are talking bang for your buck, yes. If we are talking over-hyped, poorly staged dunk contests...push.

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