Public Displays of Fan-spression

One of the best parts about summer is seeing fellow sports fans out and about with a chance to show off their summer bodies and their loyalty to their favorite teams. Sports jerseys are a funny thing. I loved them in Jr. High, but gave up on them going into high school when I realized I was the only one who knew who Russell #6 was for Boston.
In the era of wild free agency, purchasing a jersey is like playing roulette. You are better off with anything that only sports the team logo, which is why baseball caps are so popular. As much as I like seeing jerseys, I like trying to figure out the story behind why it was being worn. Here are a few from the summer thus far.

#34 Milwaukee Bucks Ray Allen
Way to stick with it, but of course you had to because you bought the $200 dollar authentic jersey. And its purple. I would guessing you think He Got Game is the best movie of this year. Just count your lucky stars they were out of Big Dog Robinson jerseys when you made your purchase.

#9 USA Michael Jordan
A pretty good choice but only the second best jordan jersey in my opinion. The best is the one with Chicago written in cursive letters, also known as the one from THE Dunk Contest.

#32 Phoenix Suns Shaquille O'Neal
I thought Steve Kerr would be the last one to stop wearing his Shaq Suns jersey. Side note: Another authentic error.

#8 Black Lakers Kobe Bryant
Not really sure what to think here. It made me mad at first, then I realized he probably spent close to $200 on it, then spent another $30 on black Dickies shorts to match. Good call on the white socks though.
I am not the loser on this one.

Playoff Musings...Part V

This installment (number five) of our playoff-lon observations comes weighted with a lot of expectation. Episode V of Star Wars was The Empire Strikes Back. 5 is also that Lenny Kravitz album you bought and couldn't trade in at the used CD store a few years back because they already had 12 copies. 5 is also the jersey number of the incredibly intense guy in a suit on the Celtics bench dropping F-bombs and bruising ribs with chest bumps. And 5 is the number of games in a series that Detroit didn't see this year. I bet they're having more fun in Cancun than they would've had in Cleveland anyway. You can only walk through the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame so many times.

That said, here are a few observations after all the series have played 4 games.

The Hornets scored as many points against the Nuggets as Jordan scored against the Celtics in his legendary game at the Garden. Do you believe that if His Airness had played the Hornets last night, 1 on 5, that the game would've gone into overtime? I don't either. He is a closer.

Speaking of closer, it's a term that went from a novel cross-sport reference to completely overused in about 10 minutes. Should I thank Jalen Rose for dubbing a "closer" on every team even if they don't have that kind of guy? Or should the blame be placed squarely on the Blazers for forcing Brandon Roy into that role even though he is probably only a really, really good set up man?

I can't get enough of the black and white "Where amazing happens" commercials. I wonder if it wouldn't be so hard to make a new one for each game. Here are my candidates for top 5 commercials from this years playoffs so far.

- Boozer's dunk. Even though you'll have to wait until next year to play it. But then you won't be able to play it when he's high-fiving the Detroit Pontiacs during tank-a-palooza 2010; the John Wall sweepstakes.

-Williams' game winner. It was the deciding play and gave Jazz fans some sort of condolences when this off season gets messy. And it will get messy.

-Wade's banked-in 3-pointer. That would have helped me sit through him hobbling around in Game 4. Can we get a cortizone shot please, or some of that magic soccer spray?

-Allen's game winner. For two reasons. 1) It was over Joakim Noah. And 2) I think he was crying when he saw it go in. The black and white super slow-motion would help me confirm as well as put Joakim in about 600 YouTube parody videos.

-Tracy McGrady walking out of the tunnel in the Rose Garden during game 5, in the 4th quarter with the Rockets up 5. The crowd would be going crazy because they know he just lost the series for Houston. Its the anti-Willis.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 12

Team Name: We Got Game
Team Members: Ray Allen and Denzel Washington

(Cue the Public Enemy, who will perform during every matchup WGG plays.)

Ray Ray was going to team up with Michael Redd to make a team of guys who would be jackin' up three-pointers the whole time (not to mention the Milwaukee connection). This would have been incredible because, of course, the tournament would feature games to 11 by one's and two's. This makes a three-point specialist twice as valuable. So what does that say about TWO three-point specialists? Are they four times as valuable? Or is it exponential?

Then Redd went ahead and blew out his knee. And because Glenn "Big Dog" Robinson is retired, there was nobody left that made sense to pair up with Allen besides dear ol' dad.

Plus, anything we can do to keep Flava Flav off of reality shows and performing music is good.

Going To The Desert On A H-O-R-S-E With No Name

Herr Stern, in his occasional pursuit of newness, has introduced a H-O-R-S-E competition for All-Star Weekend in Phoenix. Whether or not this is a ploy to get Steve Nash involved is debatable.

What is not debatable is the potential watchability.

But who do we want to watch?

Here are some of my candidates, off the top of my head:

Ray Allen
He may seem like a boring choice and might have a hard time keeping up if it got too acrobatic. But imagine if he started leading. It would be a clinic in fundamentals, which appeals to a boring white guy like myself.

Kobe Bryant
His competitive nature alone would be fun to watch, not to mention an on-again/off-again rivalry with Ray Allen. The guy makes more circus shots than most. And hates to lose.

The Birdman
Clearly one of the more creative players in the league, it seems like Andersen might have access to something that would help his ideas be more, um, psychedelic than some. Sorry, that's a bad joke. The guy has done a ton to come back.

Random D-League Guy
Spice it up with a hungry hotshot from the D-League. But make him wear a Globetrotter uni.

Globetrotter
Speaking of Globetrotters, toss one of them into this. They make a living making crazy shots. And heaven knows they could use the publicity and a revitalized image.

Retired Legend
Bring in an old guy. It'll give the competition a little more of that "Dad Always Wins In The Driveway" dynamic. Sharpshooters and trashtalkers are preferred in the vein of Reggie Miller.

Who else?

More Headlines Than A Scowling Old Man

Mehmet Has the Last Word

We can finally put to rest the great debate of who was the best big man of the 2001 NBA Draft. Mehmet Okur got the best of Tyson Chandler again in their head to head match up.

Okur's line 20 and 7 60% FG 100% 3FG

Chandler's line 7 and 4 60% FG 0% 3FG

And Memo did that in THREE less minutes than TC6
Put down your pen Mr. Sports Writer as Memo had the last word
Let Memo be Memo and TC6 be TC6

Everything Must Go! 7 Day Sale at The Matrix

Day one of the West Coast Shawn Marion Clearance Sale started off on the right foot for the struggling retailer giant.

Marion's line 25 and 13 56% FG 2 steals in 41 minutes

Now that is how you move merchandise folks

Celtics Decide To Kick W Out Of Office Early

After setting the record for best 30 game start, the Celtics have decided to try their hand at setting the worst 30 game record. Boston just wants it all. And maybe there is a little of KG missing his time in Minnesota and trying to make it feel a little more like home in Beantown. Oh how the New Year makes us nostalgic.

On a brighter note, Ray Allen's shooting touch from the first three rounds of last year's Playoffs seems to be returning

Ray's line 4-13 FG 1-4 3FG 13 PTS

Trillion Man March Updates

Brian Scalabrine missed his opportunity at back to back Club Trillion performances by committing a foul. Good Try Anyway Brian!

Jarron Collins put up a nice 4 trillion last night.