If the playoffs started today...Day Before Edition

If the playoffs started today, it would be Saturday. And we would finally have a break from mock NFL Draft scenarios. Since coaches and teams have been anxiously awaiting my final assessment on the payoffs, now that the seeds are set, I will oblige.
Roll tape.

Eastern Conference

Cleveland Cavaliers
You might want to keep the bench festivities to a minimum, the Pistons tend to take things a little personal.

Boston Celtics
The biggest 2nd seed, 62 win underdog ever.
KG isn't walking through that door...or is he?

Orlando Magic
Van Gundy has a chance to prove Shaq wrong, to prove he isn't a folding chair. Or was that Dwight Howard? Maybe it was Hedo? I cant remember. But at least they are still playing.

Atlanta Hawks
They weren't scared of Big Bad Boston last year but are they afraid of Big Bad Dwyane?

Miami Heat
From Rollins, Ilinois......

Philadelphia 76ers
Savor these last moments when you don't have to feed Elton Brand the ball 40 times a night.

Chicago Bulls
Is this a year early?

Detroit Pistons
Remember the 3rd X-Men movie? Here are some parallels between that and this year's Pistons.
It was called The Last Stand.
No plot line whatsoever.
Just crazy guys doing what they do best, be it coming off screens or getting T's.
Does anything else describe D Troit better?

Western Conference

LA Lakers
Ugh. The Western Conference reminds me of the stock market about 8 months ago. Artificially inflated. Yeah you've got 7 50 win teams, but can any of them win more than 2 games against the Kobe's?

Denver Nuggets
Is Carmelo the new TMak? Has never gotten out of the first round. 4-20 in the first round to be exact, just don't use that number in front of JR, Birdman and Carmelo.

San Antonio Spurs
Is this now Tony's team?

Portland Trailblazers
Next year we are either going to be throwing Roy into every Kobe/LeBron/Wade conversation or he'll be a part of every Iverson/Carter/Webber
Its Allman Brothers or Jonas Brothers...take your pick Brandon.

Houston Rockets
You are advising security to keep TMAk out of the arena right? Right? RIGHT?!?

Dallas Mavericks
Remember when we thought Devin Harris was going to get his team into the playoffs and Kidd wasn't?

New Orleans Hornets
Are they on the way back down already?

Utah Jazz
The Jazz' best line-up (according to 82games.com): Williams/Korver/AK/Millsap/Okur (+26 is 4th best in the league)
The Jazz' best line-up (according to the Jazz fans): Williams/Korver/AK/Millsap/Okur
The Jazz' second best line-up (according to 82games.com): Williams/Brewer/Korver/Millsap/Okur (+23 is 6th best in the league)
The Jazz' best line-up (according to Jerry Sloan): Williams/Miles/Brewer/Boozer/Okur (+1 according to 82 games.com)
I guess you get what you deserve.