In Just 5 Easy Steps

Hi my name is Charlie T. and I like Andrew Bird. Hi Charlie T.

As I sit here trying to rank the songs on the Dark Was The Night compilation, I came across a track by Andrew Bird. As you all know, since I gave up on any more dates to the Merriweather Post Pavilion, I have been spend my free time with the author of the Noblest Beast thus far in 2009.

Bird is more mysterious of a creature than he should be, especially for Spike W. So folks, I am unveiling my foolproof 5 step plan to get Spike to give AB the time of day. And since verbal persuasion doesn't work I will have to leave that one off the list.

1. Make a mix CD with an Andrew Bird song or two hidden in there
I need to decide whether or not I want to include more than two AB songs. Probably not since I only get roughly 70 minutes on one disc and Spike's attention span is about 1/10th that. The songs will definitely include Fitz & Dizzyspells for the pop leanings and catchy hooks, not to mention the violin during the whistling solo. And I can't decide between Tenuosness or Oh No. They will both be a gametime decision.

2. Give the CD to Spike while having either Thai food or burritos
It never hurts to make sure the other party has a full stomach when persuading them. Thats how Jermaine O'Neal got Larry Legend to give him that ridiculous contract which the Heat are now saddled with. The difference is Spike's stomach won't be full of strip club hot wings and Andrew Bird is not highway robbery.

3. Talk of The Giant Of Illinois; could be referring to the current US president, Air Jordan, Tweedy & Co. or the Bird track on DWTN.
This is the step where I relentlessly mention Bird's collaboration with Wilco durning many of their live shows and how its not a coincidence that the consistently choose him. I will also put a Glenn Kotche song on the afore mentioned mixtapecd to get Spike excited about the reality of Mr. Kotche's solo/collaboration work.

4. Ask about the highlights of the mix CD
You always follow up. There has to be accountability. Not sure how this will make him listen but it will sure as heck make him accountable. Until he becomes calloused to saying "No, I haven't yet" a la Baron Davis to his personal trainer when she asks about his home workout routine.

5. Make references to Jon Brion, whom is named in the liner notes
Spike is a JB lifer. I am hoping this sweet spot, as the last resort, can be the gateway drug.

So this is my plan. I would love for Spike to just go to a show, which was my gateway drug. Now I am all over the Birdman like Gilbert Arenas is all over knee surgeries.