The Next Dylan Revisited

because my Pepsi told me so. (And all along we were pushing for the guy who did the crotchslide at halftime...)

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 8

Team Name: Wallaces and Gromit
Team Members: RaSheed Wallace and Gerald Wallace

Maybe you thought we would put Ben back with 'Sheed to remake the good ol' days in Detroit. We would have, but Ben is no longer fun to watch play. There is no logical reason why these two would be put together other than Rasheed is a big man and Gerald is a high flying perimeter type guy. And they share the same surname. Thats really it. As you can see some of the pairings are a little less obvious and unlikely.

But why the Gromit? Why not just the Wallace's? Or Meet the Wallace's? Is it just to play off of the popular British claymation duo? (Which is probably the most dreamy of all the dream team-ups)


The Gromit is not a dog. It is the spot of hair on the back of 'Sheed's head. (see below)


Aside from all of the oddities of this pairing, we think they would play really well together. Gerald, when he isn't hurt, flies around inside and RaSheed would rather shoot 30 foot three pointers. Its the perfect inverse pairing.

All He Kept Talking About Was...Glory Days

Just for the sake of argument, here are my Super Boss Halftime picks. I figure the E-Street Band wants to kick out the jams a bit, so...3 songs? With 2 alternates. I would love it if he had the cajones to play all new tracks, but I'm guessing they hired him for his back catalog.

1. Glory Days Upbeat, singalong, well known, NOT on Born To Run, and he played it on Letterman's last NBC show. I think it's jocky enough.

2. Born In The USA Unlike Charlie T, I think Springsteen jumps at the chance to play this song. It's the official, national TV chance for him to have his "This is a song Charles Manson/Ronald Reagan stole from The Beatles/me, we're stealing it back." I suppose he could do No Surrender, but that would just make John Kerry sad.

3. Born To Run His live album from the early 2000s ends with this and, in the brief window of time he has, what's gonna top it?

ALTERNATES:
Thunder Road, if he dares to double up on Born To Run's album cuts.
Hungry Heart, could be a good, more midtempo breather as they gear up to bring down the house with their 3rd song.
Rosalie, a darkhorse, which is cheating a bit since Charlie T already liked it.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 7

Team Name: L.A. Gear
Team Members: Baron Davis and Elton Brand

These supposed best friends (though some would argue that they both love certain immortalized former presidents more than anything else) will finally have the chance to play together. And there is nothing David Faulk can do to prevent it. I think.

The most intriguing part about this pairing, assuming neither one of them tears a ligament or strains a muscle warming up or driving to the event, is that they will both be wearing L.A. Lights. The intrigue follows rumors that they will be filming a commercial for L.A. Gear, who is making a comeback into the athletic apparel market, during player introductions. My guess is that the lights will be turned out and they will run around on the court while their sneaker lights flash. Okay so that isn't much intrigue. But since L.A. Gear is footing the bill and paying them large sums of money as a sneaker sponsor it really shows where their heart is.

Elton and Baron better hope they an stay healthy enough to collect the paycheck for the commercial. L.A. Lights don't do much if you are on the trainer's table.

Say Hello, Waive Goodbye

3-Time All-Star Waived by the 5th Worst Team In The League.

He made it pretty clear, years ago, that he didn't want to play for the Grizzlies. Even when, years later, he was on their roster, they made sure he got what he wanted.

Makes me think about a few things:

- Do playoff contenders even bother looking at the waiver wire when it involves teams that are going nowhere? I mean, if the guy can't crack the lineup for a cellar dweller, wouldn't it usually be a red flag? I would assume there are money reasons and "let's spend time developing (young player with potential)."

- How do these guys like Francis and Marbury- at the top of the world at various points of their career- reconcile their self-image with their fate? Chuck Klosterman and Bill Simmons talked a bit about this in their recent podcast. For the record, I agree with both of them.

- Does Francis' entourage still call him Stevie Franchise? To his face? Amongst themselves? On long e-mail chains?

- How actively does a guy like Francis look to find a new NBA home? Does he cash in his chips? Or does he still want a ring? In the few Francis games I've seen in the past few years, it hasn't seemed like he had the eye of the tiger.

Meet Me In The Mourning. Or At Least The Middle

We can forgive Charlie T for being a bit of a homer. The face of his favorite franchise just hung it up like Junior Brown. Well, no one hangs it up like Junior Brown. But, then again, nobody was quite like Alonzo Mourning.

You can call this post a non-aggressive attempt to sway this blog to a more objective place. And I say that, fully admitting that there will always be a place for homer-ism here. We like to hear Bill Simmons talk about the Sox, Celts, and Pats. We like that Cameron Crowe worked Xavier McDaniel into Singles. Those things are endearing.

So let's meet in the middle, Charlie T.

WHO WAS ZO? THESE ARE THE FACTS.

- Certainly one of the best defensive centers ever after Bill Russell. He was a two-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year. While he played in the league, ballots practically arrived to voters with his name already punched. That's how often he was on the All Defensive Team.

- Speaking of punches, Zo was a fighter. Sure, he mixed it up on the court and had his share of scuffles, but I'm talking about another kind of fight. And that's the fight to come back after a kidney transplant and get an NBA championship. Committing to play D in the NBA is already a sign of heart, but he reached new levels of Unquestionability. Maybe we should call it, in honor of Zo, "having kidney," i.e. "that kid showed a lot of kidney laying out for that loose ball..." Maybe that's inappropriate.

- He was highly decorated. Gold medalist, First and Second Team All-NBA (during a period of particularly good centers), NBA All Star, All Rookie Team,

- He will always be connected to Shaquille O'Neal. They were drafted 1-2 and had a semi-documented rivalry that- come on, Charlie T- O'Neal owned. In the end, it was the Shaq/Wade combo that got Zo his ring. And, Charlie T, don't undersell the impact of Bennett Salvatore and/or Ring Wraith Posey.


- He couldn't get along with Grandmama. His inability to coexist with Larry Johnson got him shipped out of Charlotte, where he led the team in scoring, rebounding, and blocked shots. Now, tell me, if a team is willing to trade Player A (their scoring, rebounding, and blocked shot leader) to keep Player B happy, what does that say about Player A? Further, such was the animosity between LJ and Zo, that Zo went after Knick Grandmama in the famous Van Gundy Grabs Leg Brawl and brilliantly got himself suspended for the 5th and Deciding Game. That's showing some serious kidney, there.

- He complained his way out of his jersey. Literally. The Nets held onto him through his kidney troubles, only to be badtalked once he got back in the game. He vented to the media, which is the classiest way out if you ask, say, Starbury.

- Once Unhappy Zo was traded, he refused to report to his new team, the Raptors. "Pulling A Rony Seikaly" isn't a compliment.

- Despite these character assassinations, the guy is very, very charitable. He has a foundation that does amazing things and helped found Athletes For Hope. Something must've been in the water when he and Dikembe were at Georgetown because both of these guys do a lot of good.

- He was in a Hootie & The Blowfish video. I guess that could've gone in the charities' bullet. Emphasis on bullet.

- He would be the Heat's first retired number. Except they already retired numbers for Michael Jordan and Dan Marino. No joke.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 6

Team Name: D. Oderant
Team Members: Greg Oden and Kevin Durant

Since nobody cares about Chris Paul's arm pits, the creative advertising department at Right Guard came up with the perfect mash-up of NBA talent that everyone has dreamed of playing together since 2007. Right Guard has managed to do what Paul Allen's money couldn't; put Durant and Oden on the floor together and on the same team.

Obviously this team will be good. Size inside and length on the perimeter. Oden doesn't need shots while Durant never met one that was outside his range. The only problem with this team up is how sick we'll all be of them reading cue cards about "odor-blocking technology" during the commercial breaks.

TiVo this match-up. It is sure to have as much potential as this dynamic duo. And will without a doubt out do this one

Alonzo Mourning Is Not Walking Through That Door

Neither is Tim Hardaway.

Some days the Heat could really use one or both of those guys. The team has a 14 year-old and a rookie splitting time at point guard. A three-headed monster at center that would make any of the center combos on Jordan's Bulls teams look like the Dream Team. Yet here Miami stands at the midway point, within reach of home court in the playoffs.

And they owe it all to the guy who isn't walking through the door. At Zo's retirement press conference, Riley called him "the tap root" of the culture that they wanted to set up with the organization. This team is everything that Mourning was: Resilient. Tough. Able to compensate for lack of size by being aggressive. Hard Working. And most importantly, Winning.

Mourning turned a team that was nothing into a perennial Eastern Conference power. Sure, Riley has had something to do with it, and now the addition of Dwayne Wade. But they are clearly not riding the legacy of Rony Seikaly or Grant Long, Harold Minor or Glen Rice. It was Mourning as Shaq's back-up who put them over the top in their title run, not Bennett Salvatore.

Mourning also had some bad timing. The most ironic being tearing his patella tendon and quadriceps on the anniversary of his kidney transplant. Everyone thought that December 19th would be the end of his career. Who would have guessed it would be 4 years after getting a new kidney?

The addition of Zo to this year's Heat would no doubt make the rag-tag group the toughest out in the playoffs this year. Instead, they will carry on without him, knowing that the future is getting brighter every step of the way.

And we all know LeBron and the rest of his 2010 buddies want to put on the same jersey that Zo wore.

Put Your Make Up On, Fix Your Hair Up Pretty

Meet me tonight in Tampa

Some people know, but not many care that Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen will be playing during the worlds largest bathroom break this Sunday. I for one will save my bathroom break for after the opening kickoff in the second half. That is when they start replaying the commercials or at least playing the ones that weren't good enough for the first half.

But what will The Boss be playing?

Reflexes say he will play Born In The USA. I am going to go out on a limb and say we don't get that one.

Here are my top five most likely songs. (if anyone cares, I completely picked Tom Petty's set list last year)

1. Blinded By The Light - Greetings From Ashbury Park, NJ

2. Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) - The Wild, The Innocent & The E Street Shuffle

3. Born To Run - Born To Run

4. If he plays a newer song it will most likely be Girls In Their Summer Clothes

5. I can see him playing a cover also. This Land Is Your Land (Woody Guthrie) or We Shall Overcome (Pete Seeger) since this is fresh on the heels of the Inauguration.

He will probably get three songs and they might even be shorter versions, but it will probably be the best show on the field that day.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 5

BFF

Dirk: Hey! hows it goin
Steve: good man u
Dirk: good u hear about the 2 on 2
Steve: u mean the all * thing
Dirk: yeah
Steve: yeah shaq told me
Dirk: oh

(twenty minutes pass)

Dirk: u wanna do it

(two hours pass)

Dirk: did u get my txt
Steve: oh yeah srry
Dirk: its cool

(ten minutes pass)

Steve: u c valkyrie? prty good.
Dirk: not yet guys went last nite

(next day...Dirk shoots 2-19 that night)

Dirk: hey! how was ur game
Steve: good we won
Dirk: cool
Dirk: u dcide about the 2 on 2
Steve: oh yeah srry
Dirk: its cool

(thirty minutes pass)

Steve: my fntsy soccer team is struggling
Dirk: srry man

(next day)

Dirk: i saw valkyrie
Steve: cool
Dirk: yeah tom is guten
Steve: gluten?
Dirk: good
Steve: oh
Dirk: so the 2 on 2
Steve:
Dirk: what was that got an empty msg

(4 hours later)

Dirk: hey the 2 on 2 thing
Steve: oh yeah
Dirk: wanna do it
Steve: sure shaqs doin it
Dirk: cool i turned r thing in