Knicks/Jazz/Wolves Grab Bag

Some random thoughts on the intertwined Jazz/Knicks seasons. Any true Jazz fan has a vested interest in the Knicks' stockpiling some L's.

8-15
I expected a little more from the Knicks. Which, as a Jazz fan, is to say: I expected a little less.

3rd place in the Atlantic/Titanic division? Yes, only the Celtics are over .500 and the rest of the division = the tragic Nettes, the glory-day-desperate Sixers, and a team that- let's be honest- will never be Canada's Team (but may very well be on their way to becoming Chris Bosh's First Team). Still, even in such a lousy division, third place is overachieving for what my Jazz Draft Expectations have in mind. With the Bobcats, Beat-a-bulls, and Clippers on the docket, this could be bad.

What can we do to turn this around?

Isiah Thomas should be given a second (third? eighth?) chance. Sign Spike Lee to a 10-day that he can film called Spike Going To Work or, alternately, Some Black Men Can't Jump Either. And why not bring back some former Knick to sell tickets? Ewing? Grandmama? I hear Sprewell is looking for work. And little Nate Robinson should be playing major minutes with an eternal green light (just remember, D'Antoni, how prominently green figured into Nate's dunk contest antics last season).

Speaking of Kryptonite...

The T-Wolves Own The Jazz
Kryptowolves have 4 wins this season, two of them against the Jazz, the most recent last night at EnergySolutions Arena, where the Jazz have formerly boasted a decent home court advantage. So much for building on wins against Orlando and The Kobes. Thank goodness Minny won't be a playoff threat. Now we just have to hope the Jazz are. Sheesh, it only makes me hate Mike Love all the more.

Johnny Flynn Has Wolves Fans Asking "Ricky Whobio?"
For one night, at least. I couldn't resist the headline.

Canada's Team/December Edition

Let's take another look into the Toronto Raptors' bid to become Canada's Team, both legally and in the hearts of the Canadian people. Of note this month: the rise of the Toronto Marlies and the regional popularity of Trevor Ariza's elbows. The current Top 10- based on a totally thorough and completely fake poll taken in Toronto- are as follows:


1. Toronto Marlies (Maple Leafs/Leaves farm team)
2. Toronto Maple Leafs (currently 11-14-7 and down a spot)
3. whatever team signs Trevor Ariza 'cause that kid has hockey moves to spare
4. Minor Midget Jr Canadians (supposedly best junior team in the world)
5. Canadian National Team (apparently ALL of them)
6. Edmonton Oilers
7. Canadian Bacon (Mike Meyers and Kevin Bacon's undefeated Fantasy Football team)
8. Calgary Flames
9. Ottawa Senators
10. Phoenix Suns (Nash-loyalty is at an all-time high)

Other notables
13. Toronto Raptors (11-15, a substantial climb from last poll
14. Vancouver Canucks
17. Skater Boiz (an Avril Lavigne-inspired, Hot Topic-sponsored glee club out of Saskatchewan)
26. Toronto Blue Jays (75-87)
47. Alanis Morrisette's road crew softball team, The Jagged Little Steals (steady)

NBA Jam

Anyone who played NBA Jam in the 90s knew what it was like when Tim Hardaway or Reggie Miller (or Al Gore or P-Funk or Ad Rock, if you knew the codes). Same goes for anyone who's ever loved a team with a streak shooter. When they're on, life is good. When they're off, you deal with it. And keep praying for fire.

So goes this blog. Today, we're in for about 5 posts. But that's after 2 weeks of radio silence. Still, you gotta give it to Charlie T: the man is on fire.

The Clippers Stink, Blake Griffin

Many have tried to speculate as to what will finally make the Clippers not stink. Even more have tried to go and play for/coach the other team in the Staples Center with the only thing changing being that they end up leaving town reeking of Clippers. Often times, the player thinks they can come in become the Febreze the Clippers desperately need. Ask Elton Brand how that went. Ask Danny Manning. Try Shaun Livingston and his ACLs. Ask Bill Fitch. Ask anyone. The list goes on. (Darius MIles, Pooh Richardson, Zach Randolph, Olowakandi)

Needless to say, maybe have made guesses at the solution for the Clipps. So we decided to turn this fun guessing game into a game of Hangman. Over the course of the year there will be theories presented, ideas tested and letters guessed. Eventually this will reveal the secret as to how to get rid of that famous Clippers Stink.

The first guess is the much ballyhooed Blake Griffin. Everyone penciled the Clipps in for the playoffs and wouldn't you know, down with an injury. We are going to guess two letters for this one because of the overwhelming confidence. B and G. His initials.

Free Jazz

In tribute to Ornette Coleman (who played on an album of Joe Henry's, whose new record will likely crack my End Of Year Top 10), here's some free Jazz- i.e. random, non-associated thoughts about the Jazz.

I hate to say it, but BOOZER IS A MONSTER. I have long derided his ability to have the least impressive 20pt/10reb games in the history of basketball, sneaking in bunches of points during inconsequential minutes, making little impact on the game. But, after a shaky start to the season and- if we're being honest here- a completely douchey offseason, he's coming through in a big way. Of course, you'd have to be stupid not to see the "Contract Year" and "Trade-ability" in his eyes, not to mention "Shove It, Fanbase" and "Do You Remember What I Did To Cleveland?". But, after so much open hostility on my part and a large part of Jazz fans, it had to be said: BOOZER IS A MONSTER.

MILSAP? The question mark is the operative part. This season, after Portland basically weaseled the Jazz into throwing money at Milsap (and look at the karma you get, Blazers, for your conniving ways), we knew it'd be a tough go. Especially with fewer minutes and the insecurity of knowing that you have to- in some ways- defer to The All Star/Olympian On His Way Out. I'm not saying this is a Steve Young/Joe Montana situation, but you've gotta feel for Milsap. I still love his energy and hustle, undauntedness and athleticism, not to mention fearless ability to get points/boards WHEN IT MATTERS. But, again we're being honest here, he's been pretty quiet this year. Last year, as an understudy thrust onto the main stage, he proved himself. So we stopped paying him understudy money, only to continue giving him understudy minutes. Can't blame the guy for being a little lost.

BEST HOCKEY TEAM IN THE NBA. That wretched 4th quarter in L.A. proved it. 3 great periods. And an historically hideous one. Watching the ORL and (second) LA games, it felt to me- even in W's- that their play became more tenative. Haters blame Sloan, but I don't see that. I see a team tightening up. And, mostly, it feels like D-Will sometimes hits the brakes (fatigue? coaching? nerves?). It sort of feels like the old adage about "not playing to win, rather playing NOT to lose" which is an epic recipe for losing.

WES MATTHEWS. The Jazz aren't the best draft team in the league, but- like all-time leader John Stockton- they've gotten some steals. Wes Matthews is the latest.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES. "Kobe was hurt." "Short-handed." "Blah blah blah." The media has no shortage of AP Stylebook-approved excuses for bigtime teams losing to the Jazz. But a W is a W. Orlando was up 18 and couldn't hold on. The Lakers got a clunker from an injured Kobe. Guess what, league? Coming from a team that's had more than its fair share of injuries over the past few years (Boozer, Williams, Okur, Kirilenko, Korver, CJ Miles and on and on), let me just quote Justin Timberlake (who was borrowing from about 18 gazillion other pop culture aphorisms): WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

B-RUSS. I'm torn. I was never a big Bryon Russell fan in the first place (my brother would have me shot with rocksalt for saying so), but this whole publicity thing has me divided. Part of me likes that he's calling out Jordan (not that Jordan is listening to the little buzzing mosquito). And part of me is really sad at how desperate and smalltime it all sounds. My least favorite Beach Boy Mike Love called out the Stones (among others) during his Rock n Roll Hall of Fame speech. And the Stones didn't so much as bat a bloodshot eye. I'm not sure if Jordan is Mike Love in this situation (the speech part? yes. the talent/legend part? no.), but it seems like it fits somehow. And, by the way, is Mike Love really Kevin Love's uncle? Please say no.

Bango the Buck, Et tu Bogut?

Just when Bango thought he was back on top with all the Jennings hype finally wearing off, Andrew Bogut had to go out and do this.

Bango's career is starting to resemble that of one Julius Caesar. Once on top of the world, then a tragic fall from grace ended by a "friendly" knife in the back. It would be one thing if the fans came up with this on their own but when a player subsidizes a coup d'etat like this, well that's just cold.

Then again, the guy bankrolling this operation might not be playing with a full deck.



After a little research, I don't think you have much to worry about Bango.

Assault on Timberwolves History, part 2

Nothing but taillights for Terrell Brandon. A little like Springsteen's character in Highway Patrolman, minus the brothers angle. Here we are again, looking at Al Jefferson's ascent of the Timberwolves All-Time records.

T-Wolves All Time Points

8. Tom Gugliotta 4,201
9. Pooh Richardson 3,698
10. Anthony Peeler 3,622
11. Al Jefferson - 3,254
12. Terrell Brandon - 3,157

Meanwhile, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the Wolves can run production on those Tom Gugliota bobbleheads. Jefferson could pass Googs when one of his (Googs') former teams, the Warriors, comes to town in April. Jefferson has 363 points through 22 games, an average of 16.5 per game, which is well under his normal clip of 20+ per game. What better way to celebrate the long, storied history of the Minnesota Timberwolves and the great career of Tom Gugliotta than by having Googs himself in house, on Bobblehead Night, against a former team of his, while Al Jefferson eclipses him on the All Time Scoring list?

Assault on Timberwolves History

Much has been said about the storied franchise that is the Minnesota Timberwovles. (Googling....nothing....searching...still nothing....Wikipedia....KG something....nothing) Okay, fine. So not much has been said about the long history of the Timberwolves because there isn't much of one. Aside from JR Rider going between the legs, KG giving it his all, and Kevin McHale's sweaters, (it appears all evidence of his terrible wardrobe choices have been eliminated from the internet but I know I've seen him in this sweater on more than one occasion) it's slim pickings.

Flashback to 2+ years ago: Al Jefferson arrives in the Twin Cities as the savior of this franchise. Since then he's been skyrocketing up the franchise's All-Time charts.

Just this past week, he moved up to 7th all time on the rebounding charts. Who did he pass? Doug West and Joe Smith. There's a bit of irony with the current icon in 'Sota passing one of its past, prematurely revered icons. In case you forgot, Doug West was a huge pickup for the T'Wolves, being compared to the likes of Jerry West. As for Joe Smith, well who hasn't he played for and gotten about 1,500 rebounds? Heck, half of his rebounds were probably KG's but since they looked so much alike on the court, they just gave every 5th rebound to Smith.

T-Wolves All Time Rebounds

7. Al Jefferson - 1,582
8. Joe Smith - 1,561
9. Doug West - 1559

Congratulations Al. Look out, Terrell Brandon, you're up next...where ever you are.

76ers - Glory Days

To start the season, we really loved the Sixers going back to their old logo and uniforms. In fact, we loved it so much that we were going to sift through the Sixers history and bring back more of the Glory Days. Then Andre Iguodala got on board doing his own artistic Glory Days impressions. The Sixers haven't stopped. They are fully embracing the Glory Days theme.

Glory Days is obviously a reference to one of the Boss' better songs. Some would argue that Springsteen is a prophet of sorts. You be the judge.

"My old man worked 20 years on the line
and they let him go
Now everywhere he goes out looking for work
they just tell him that he's too old"

Outdone By The Truth

Sometimes fiction and farce and fantasy is trumped by fact.

Case in point, yesterday Charlie T speculated with varying degrees of seriousness about who would be the Nettes' next coach. He tossed around some guys-with-girls'-names, some androgynous types, a bona fide, and some real deal women's coaches.

And then the Nettes gave the job to:

KIKI.

First, I'm bummed we didn't stick him on our initial list of candidates. Second, wow, thank you, New Jersey, for validating this little blog of ours. Third, was there no one named Roxy or Krystal or Fantasia or Cinnamon available?