*

Baseball has its asterisk. Even though I have my differences with the idea of the asterisk, it is force fed to me and the rest of the world. Apparently if you take certain substances you will be better at sports but if you take other substances you will also be better at sports but subject to banishment if anyone finds out. Right. Sounds perfectly reasonable.

Guns N Roses made some legendary rock. Mixed in with that they made some pretty crappy stuff too. They then faded out, farmed out their band memebers while Axl tried desperately to keep the name alive. He brought in other big names like Dave Navarro and Buckethead to replace Slash. While the talent may have kind of been there the music was definitely not. Anything from The Spaghetti Incident and after should be clearly marked with an asterisk, warning fans of tampering.

In 2001-2002 Isiah Thomas took over the Knicks and proceeded to make them a terrible team. Not just your run of the mill terrible, but epically terrible. They couldn't play defense and only occasionally could play offense. They drafted like they had their head you know where. Subsequently all kinds of records started to fall while teams played the Knicks. They now have a good coach, some direction in their franchise (even if it is about as wishful as my NBA dreams) but they still don't have great talent or anyone who plays defense.

So I decree, from this moment backward and forward, that ALL RECORDS SET AGAINST THE KNICKS IN THE LAST 7 YEARS BE MARKED WITH AN ASTERISK REMINDING FUTURE GENERATIONS THAT THIS TEAM WAS TO THE NBA WHAT P.E.D.s WERE TO MARK MCGWIRE AND SAMMY SOSA.

By the way...
Did anyone see Carmelo almost get a triple double on the Thunder, and set the scoring record or a visiting opponent at the Ford Center?

Going To The Desert On A H-O-R-S-E With No Name

Herr Stern, in his occasional pursuit of newness, has introduced a H-O-R-S-E competition for All-Star Weekend in Phoenix. Whether or not this is a ploy to get Steve Nash involved is debatable.

What is not debatable is the potential watchability.

But who do we want to watch?

Here are some of my candidates, off the top of my head:

Ray Allen
He may seem like a boring choice and might have a hard time keeping up if it got too acrobatic. But imagine if he started leading. It would be a clinic in fundamentals, which appeals to a boring white guy like myself.

Kobe Bryant
His competitive nature alone would be fun to watch, not to mention an on-again/off-again rivalry with Ray Allen. The guy makes more circus shots than most. And hates to lose.

The Birdman
Clearly one of the more creative players in the league, it seems like Andersen might have access to something that would help his ideas be more, um, psychedelic than some. Sorry, that's a bad joke. The guy has done a ton to come back.

Random D-League Guy
Spice it up with a hungry hotshot from the D-League. But make him wear a Globetrotter uni.

Globetrotter
Speaking of Globetrotters, toss one of them into this. They make a living making crazy shots. And heaven knows they could use the publicity and a revitalized image.

Retired Legend
Bring in an old guy. It'll give the competition a little more of that "Dad Always Wins In The Driveway" dynamic. Sharpshooters and trashtalkers are preferred in the vein of Reggie Miller.

Who else?

Taking A Break From The Merriweather Post Pavilion

Gym Date did not work out so well for the Merriweather Post Pavilion.

First off it showed up in a baggy sweatsuit. Really? Thats how you were going to get my attention? I get the feeling you were trying to hide something from me. Like a little bit of a pudgy stomach.

Then there was the whole, "I'm gonna go sit down over there until your done" routine halfway through. That was where I just about dialed up The Hold Steady to take me hope during a little time with the weights.

Lesson learned from my dates at the Merriweather Post Pavilion? If all you can think about is "I bet the new Andrew Bird is good" or "How much longer until the new M. Ward" or even "April isn't too far away, thats when the Hold Steady live album and DVD comes out" everytime you bring up the Merriweather Post Pavilion on iTunes, then you are probably not going to like it anyway. You're just not that into it.

I thought the undivided attention it would be getting would be enough for it to stick around and maybe start to turn into something. Nope.

LeBron's Big Chance

This is it, LeBron.

Here's your chance.

You can, tonight, ensure that you will be:

The Visiting Player Who Scored The Most At Madison Square Garden. (All it takes is 62. What? 62 against the run-and-guns is still hard? Come on. You're THE BRON. This is a D'Antoni team. I don't want to hear excuses. I wanna hear nets ripping, New Yorkers cheering, and Kobe crying into his Like Mike commemorative pillow. Earn that Nike money, Bron Bron, and just do it.)

and

The Knick Who Scored The Most At Madison Square Garden.




Cleveland, you're on the clock...

The First Quarter

NBA games come down to who wins the most quarters. This year 2009 is playing against itself. Q1 vs Q2 vs Q3 vs Q4 (which deserves a handicap since we can never live with it long enough to definitively judge it by Dec 31)

Q1, though, is shaping up to be pretty wicked.

Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit- s/t :: Underrated. For some reason I'm more likely to grab this than the Drive-By Truckers record from last year.
Bon Iver- Blood Bank EP :: OK. It wasn't as a good as I'd hoped (loved the first two songs, tried to figure out what was missing for me on the last two), but combined with the track from Dark Was The Night, I think there's some momentum going on here. Let's just hope momentum's two usual accomplices, Complacency and Pressure, don't ruin things.
Gary Louris/Mark Olson- Ready For The Flood :: Welcome back, Jayhawks. I can't imagine how this album couldn't be great. The voices together plus some of the best underappreciated writers around equals subtle greatness.
M. Ward- Hold Time :: Probably still recovering from all the love he got for She&Him's Volume One, M. Ward brings it. As a fan of his last few gruff-voiced records and their bluesy/folky/quirky/old timey feels, I have to admit a bit of trepidation when they trot out a list of "special guests." And this one is DROWNING in the special types: Lucinda Williams, Jenny Lewis, Jason Lytle, Neko Case, Peter Broderick, Zooey, Jim James, Adam Selzer...we get it. You have popular friends. Hopefully they know how to fit in.

(Behold, the obligatory Zooey photo.)


Great Lake Swimmers- Lost Channels :: Tony Dekker & Co.'s last record, Ongiara, was easily one of my favorites of its year and has continued to earn and re-earn listens. Listen to "On A Line." The guy writes songs that have a real simple purity to them and sings with that mournful rasp that gets more sure with each record. To say I can't wait for this one is a brutal understatement.
Sarah Sample- Born To Fly EP :: The title of the EP is fitting for its relation to Sarah Sample's trajectory as a writer. Her last album, Never Close Enough, had several winners and showed promise. This organic EP, recorded live in 2 days, delivers. Check out the sad gospel feel of "Mercy Me" and the Grey's Anatomy bound "Used To You."
Animal Collective-Merriweather Post Pavilion :: We've been over this. But, our personal inability to connect aside, this thing is an eruption of hype and has to be on any list. And, in our defense, we haven't given up on it.
Bruce Springsteen- Working On A Dream :: Critics are divided, but he's been relevant long enough that the Boss has earned the right to do what he wants.
Beirut- March of the Zapotec :: Charlie T might be a better authority on this one, but I've known for awhile that this is a project I should lend my ears to.
Andrew Bird- Noble Beast :: Again, I'm behind on this one. But it has two words involved with it that are known to put me over the top: Glenn and Kotche.
Laura Gibson- Beasts of Seasons :: My winter needs Laura Gibson like the Orlando Magic need a point guard. I doubt many Laura Gibson fans would a) ever say that and b) know what it means. Welcome to our blog.
Felice Brothers-Yonder Is The Clock :: Wait. What? The band that released one of my 08 favorites already has one of my potential 09 favorites ready? This is too good to be true. Please tell me that one of them doesn't die or quit between now and April. Oh wait. Is that Q2? Yes. Oh well.

Once Q2 hits, we'll revisit these and see what Q2 had to kick into the mix

Insult And Now Injury

Right or not, the method for picking All-Star Game starters is in stone- it's left up to the voters, who can vote everyday if they want to. I may not agree with how it's done, but it's how it's done and I just roll with it. The game is kind of for the fans anyway.

But the subs? Those are in the hands of the people who should know better- the coaches. Everyone has their opinion about the All-Star snubs, who should be there, who shouldn't. Here's mine:

IT IS CRIMINALLY RIDICULOUS AND OTHERWISE PREPOSTEROUS THAT DERON WILLIAMS HAS BEEN LEFT OUT AGAIN.


(Calming down.)

Phew. OK. Let's talk.

I'm not gonna play the Smalltown Inferiority Complex card. And I'm not digging into the moldy, overdone CP3 v DWill argument. CP3 got voted a starter-fair and square- and is a dominant player. I'll let time show us how their comparison shakes out.

It's CP3's teammate- admittedly the easiest target on the West roster- that's chapping the nethers here. There's no way that David West, this year or any year, is more valuable to his team or any team than Deron Williams is to the Jazz or would be to any other team.

Take the test: you're building a team around a star. Do you take David West or Deron Williams? If you said "West," either you need to take off the beer goggles or I sincerely hope that your home was OK after Katrina. Come on. COME ON. COME. ON. He's a better leader, a more proven playoff warrior, and has the killer instinct. He was SECOND TEAM ALL-NBA LAST YEAR. That means he was one of the 10 best players in the league and one of the 4 best guards. Yes, that was last season. This season he's averaging 17.6 points, 2.70 boards, 10.1 assists, and 1.1 steals per game compared to last seasons 18.8 points, 10.5 assists, 3 boards, and 1.1 steals per game. Those numbers are down, but so incrementally as to not even matter. He's been the rock in the Jazz's injury-riddled season where even the healthy players (Okur, Korver, Brewer) have seen serious inconsistency plague them consistently.

West? Well, he shares a last name with the conference. I guess they thought they needed a forward. I won't go so far as to call him AC Green, but come on. Come. On.

Now the rest of the guys have arguments in their favor. Brandon Roy's Blazers lead the division and deserve a representative. The Lakers have dominated and should have two players. Dirk has been good, I guess. Chauncey Billups automatically improved the Thuggets, but how hard is that to do when the primary cancer is traded? Shaq deserves it. Tony Parker too, though it's hard to definitively say he's a better PG than D-Will (except when he carves up the Jazz).



The bummer is: now that he's injured, D-Will probably won't even get a chance to be an injury replacement. Maybe it's for the best.

Congratulations Mr. Bryant

You scored 61 points against the Knicks.

That is like me dunking the ball on a 7 foot hoop.
Or a lion picking off the sick one in a herd of zebras.

Or you scoring 81 on the Raptors.
Or me beating you in a video game and then telling you that you suck at basketball.
Or Lloyd Christmas selling the parakeet to Billy in 4C.


When Jordan dropped 55 he didn't have Wilson "Who" Chandler guarding him all game.
When Jordan dropped 55 the Knicks were tough, physical and defensive minded.
When Jordan dropped 55 he had just come back from playing baseball for two years, on his fifth game back.

Scoring 61 on these Knicks is like scoring 61 against the Reno Bighorns...because thats where most of this current team will be playing out the rest of there careers.

So congratulations Mr. Bryant. You beat a deaf kid in a name that tune contest.
Score 61 on the Celtics Thursday and then we'll talk.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 9

Team Name: A.I.
Team Members: Allen Iverson and Andre Iguodala

We hope this pairing doesn't suck as bad as the Spielberg movie.

And we also hope it goes over better than their first pairing. At least there won't be a one legged Chris Webber to mess it up. (On a side note isn't the Elton Brand addition going about as well as the Webber addition? Both are past their prime big men who have struggled through injury)

If this tournament ends up being make-it, take-it, and they get the ball first, they've got a good chance. If not, we'll see a couple great alley-oops to Iggy, a few Iverson crossovers (which are in about the same state of disrepair as the Parthenon...just enough beauty to make you wish you had seen it in its prime but does not serve the purpose it was intended for) and Iverson playing defense for the first time in about 4 seasons, albeit for only 3 possessions.

So this is a weak pairing, yeah yeah yeah, but you know Iverson wants in this tournament and who else would be his teammate?

The (Forthcoming) Gym Date

I didn't make any effort for a return appointment after the burrito lunch date with the Animal Collective at the Merriweather Post Pavilion. I frankly just wasn't that into it despite a few highlights that were pretty much the same highlights as the first date.

What do you do when a relationship, after just a couple early and uneventful dates, is stuck in neutral? You don't call her for a week, wait and see what kind of effort she puts forth and then you invite her to The Gym Date. The Gym Date isn't a chance to show off your jump shot which probably isn't that impressive anyway. And its not a chance to show off your guns, which are definitely not that impressive. The Gym Date is all about finding something in her worth hanging on too.

The Gym Date is a secret weapon of dates. It will be productive no matter how bad the date is and here is why.

1. You will get to see her in work out clothes.
Those usually consist of short running shorts and some t-shirt that is too small. And if you don't get the too small tee, you will almost certainly get the tank top.

2. You get to see her in work out clothes.
It is like the boating date, where you get the swimming suit, but isn't interpreted as "He just wants to check out my body."

3. The gym is a character revealer.
Is she a hard worker? Does she know her way around? (meaning has she been there before) Is she competitive? (Not always a bad thing) You get some good undivided attention that doesn't involve her telling you the same stories about her roommate. She will also be wearing little to no make-up which means there are no more secrets.
this part of the Gym Date saved Dear Science by TV On The Radio from being discounted by me. A few tracks in on the indoor running track and I had forgotten why I was ever down on it

4. You aren't committed do to anything afterwards
The gym date usually starts with both arriving on their own and ends with both leaving on their own. This means the price of the date is nothing. And no dinner is involved since nobody wants to reveal that they go home and eat ice cream after working out. It also means it can be the start of friend zone with out anyone knowing.

5. You get to see her in work out clothes
Come on, this is really the only reason for the gym date.

6. 2 for 1
Its a mid-week date that also knocks out a trip to the gym, freeing up an evening.

So its set. The Animal Collective and I will be going on a Gym Date to the Merriweather Post Pavilion. I hope for their sake this trick works. You know after about ten minutes at the gym whether or not its going to go anywhere.

(Stay off the bikes if at any cost...)

Tramps Like Us, Baby, We Were Born To...Slide?

Let's debrief. First of all, the scorecard:

CHARLIE T: 1/6
Blinded By The Light = no
Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) = no
Born To Run = no duh
Girls In Their Summer Clothes = no, but he did play a new song
This Land Is Your Land (Woody Guthrie) or We Shall Overcome (Pete Seeger) = no and no

SPIKE: 2/6
Glory Days = yes
Born In The USA = no, the Boss did not jump to play this
Born To Run = who didn't guess this?
Thunder Road = no
Hungry Heart = no
Rosalie = no

(Pausing to bask in victory. Still pausing. But knowing full well that EVERYONE would've won if the Boss would've played Atlantic City, Devils & Dust, and The River with just an acoustic guitar. The article at the bottom of this scorecard agrees with me.)

Now, in reviewing the performance, let's break it down into points and penalties, meaning what the Boss did well and what was not so hot. Positivity wins the flip and kicks off.



POINTS:
ENERGY. The calling card of a Bruce performance is his manic energy and there was no letdown here. The guy couldn't hold still. Mrs. Woolridge kept asking what his deal was, which is generally a good sign. Not anything unexpected, but he came through. +10 points.
THE SPIT Even though he seemed more hoarse than a guy who's singing for 12 minutes should be, we still got the spitting, breathless delivery that- hand in hand with energy- is in the zoning laws on E-Street. 5 points per foot of spit radius = +15 points.
10th Avenue Freeze Out +15 points for a pleasant surprise.
BORN TO RUN Of course. The only bad thing about it was deciding to play anything after it. It's the barnburner and the song that should've capped his performance. 1 point per year since its release = + 34 points
THAT NEW SONG Credit be to Bruce for not resting on his Greatest Hits. You gotta play like your new songs belong in the same breath as your legendary stuff. Even if they don't. The choir, however, was a gimmick and misstep. So cheesy and unnecessary. Still, +20 points for Striving For Continued Relevance.
GLORY DAYS Like I said before, perfect song for this set. Changing the words, however, was cheesy. I can see how somebody might think it was cool, but then I could also see why I would still want to punch them in the nuts. What is this anyway? Do you really want to be in the same category as "Pre-Game Faith Hill Song That Has Terrible Customized Lyrics"? Sing the dang song, man. -10 points for lyric change, +10 points for Making Spike Win The Guessing Game = no points

PENALTIES:
THE POSE Now, I wouldn't go so far as to call the Boss a poser. Far from it. But that little thing at the start with him and Clarence was lame. What is this? Charlie's Angels. Especially when he used the guitar for its silhouette only to jettison it once the song started... -8 points, 4 for each useless instrument in the posed silhouette.
CLARENCE CLEMONS -10 points. If you aren't jazz, the English Beat or Morphine (or have a note from home), I have a hard time seeing why you'd be saxophoning on MY television.
CLARENCE CLEMONS' JACKET -15 points, one for every pimp who, watching the Super Bowl and seeing CC's jacket, thought, "Man, I gots to get me one of THEM"
THE CROTCH SLIDE Tough to hold this against him when you saw the look of delight on his face. So. No points. (Go to this link. Go. Go. Go.)
THE CHOIR -8 points, one for each time I thought, "What is the point of the choir?"
THE BANTER This one's divisive even for me. I realize that a lot of people probably loved the playfulness. It just seemed too calculated and, well, a little hokey/hammy for me. But I am probably missing the context of one of Bruce's 3-hour revivals. So we'll blame Little Steven and call it even. No points.
THE REFEREE One word sums up my reaction the referee (and his yellow flag)'s appearance: CRINGE. - 15 points.
CHANGING THE WORDS TO GLORY DAYS no points, as discussed above.
NOT ENDING WITH BORN TO RUN -5 points
HAVING SOME ACOUSTIC GUITAR CHICK ONSTAGE WHO'S EVEN MORE DISPENSABLE THAN PATTY SCIALFA Like we need a Poor Man's Patty Scialfa. -12 points, 2 for each useless string.
"I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND?" Bruce, you did not win the Super Bowl. You played at halftime. Did ESPN put you up to this? -5 points

FINAL TALLY
POINTS: +79
PENALTIES: -78
= +1

So it was better than it was bad.






(Interesting article about the performance and its cultural relevance: here)