Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Ohio,

I have decided to use this platform, The Black Converse, to officially respond to the negative outpouring towards me after my little sit down with Jim Gray last night. (side note: I should have known it was going to turn out the way it did when Jim Gray was the only reported who would agree to sit in the director's chair opposite me. He doesn't exactly have a great track record.) I chose this blog to address you all since Charlie T, a very loyal Heat fan, is one of the few people outside of South Beach who has my back.

Charlie T has also been very kind and wise in helping me put my feelings into words, providing me with perspective and verse. I would like to first address everyone in America who thinks I made a bad decision with a selection from what appears to be a TBC favorite, Wilco.

Oh it's okay for you to say
What you want from me
I believe that's the only
Way for me
To be
Exactly what you want me to be

Just remember, I make my own decisions. You don't get to. You are not LeBron James. (and you're damn right I just referred to myself in the third person)

And now to address Ohio specifically. This is sports. Get over yourselves. Remember Kent State in the 70's, neither do I but it happened only minutes from my home. Kent State was a real tragedy. Allow me to refresh your memory by borrowing from one of your Lake Erie neighbors:

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Nobody dies last night. Nobody was even physically harmed. Again, I'm sorry but se la vie .

And now to my owner Dan Gilbert. I can't wait too see you backpedaling on defense as I come up the floor like a locomotive. I can't wait to chase you down on a fast break and slap the ball through the backboard as you go up for a girlish layup. Just kidding, I know I won't be invited over for barbecue's and pick up games anymore. I'm okay with that.

But if you really feel everything you comic sansed the world last night, take some advice from Frightened Rabbit:

So swim until you can’t see land.
Swim until you can’t see land.
Swim until you can’t see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?

And if you were just reacting passionately because you just lost 100+ million dollars in the net worth of the Cavs, essentially resurrecting the Rockers, then thats fine. You should have taken a step back, put your laptop down and put this Hank Williams song on the stereo and called it a night.

It's hard to know another's lips will kiss you
And hold you just the way I used to do
Oh, heaven only knows how much I miss you
I Can't Help It If I'm Still In Love With You.

And to my new fans in Miami:

Here i am in the place where i'com to let go-Miami
the bass and the sun set low.
Everyday like a Mardi Gras- everbody party all day
no work- all play, ok

So we sip a liitle something, leave the rest to spill.
me and Charlie at the bar running up a high bill
nutin; less than ill when we dress to kill,
and every time the ladies pass they be like "Hi Bron"

Cant wait for Halloween.

Yours for five years,


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