The Next Dylan Revisited

Nobody will ever have a life that mirrors Bob Dylan with his influence, longevity, relevance and success. Likewise, nobody will have the cannon of apocryphal tales that surround the persona that is Bob Dylan. This is a series of articles that compare different prominent pop culture figures that, at some point in their career, have paralled Dylan. The original Next Dylan ramble can be found here.

Early on in his career, Dylan was the folk music darling. He was connected to the past legends including a relationship with the aged Woody Guthrie. He had a very successful debut into the recording industry and his fans lived and died by his every word and saw him as a messiah who had come to deliver them. He may not have been pinned as a phenom from an early age, but he definitely burst onto the scene relatively young and had immediate success. Whether he had sold his soul or was given his gifts, he was undoubtedly talented beyond measure.

I wasn't around in July of 1965 when Dylan plugged in at the Newport Folk Festival, a stones throw from New York City, and went electric. But I know it has gone down in folklore as being an alientating and momentus event. I'm not sure if Pete Seeger really had an axe and was considering cutting the microphone cable and if he really thought that Dylan was disgracing folk music by going electric. But I do know that people booed Dylan, that he was called a traitor, that his artistic decisions were questioned. Everyone had a comment and a critique about his decision and for years, it would be the moment that defined his career.

There’s no way, with hindsight, I would’ve ever called up Larry, called up Magic, and said 'Hey look, let’s get together and play on one team.' - Michael Jordan

Fast forward to July of 2010. A similar parallel develops just outside of New York City at the Greenwich Boys and Girls Club. A young, talented superstar alienated his fan base and set off a chain reaction of responses and accusations that paralleled those of Dylan going electric. The lore behind his decision is more defined by the media coverage than first hand accounts, but it has still managed to find a way into our pop culture cannon.

Dylan went electric and LeBron made a decision. Dylan went on to release Highway 61 Revisited that has one of the best songs ever written and was the ultimate response to the backlash following his treason. LeBron has gone on to have a fantastic post season and has gone a long way to quiet his critics. And we are about to find out if he has a "Like A Rolling Stone" waiting for us in the Finals.

The Fourth Heatle

A few weeks ago, LeBron polarized the world by telling a reporter that the team refers to themselves internally as "The Heatles" only because of the massive amounts of attention they get when they are on the road. The world then went crazy saying that the Heat will never be comparable to the Beatles becasue the Heat will never have the success of the Beatles.

My take: Yeah, yeah, whatever. The Beatles are the greatest thing ever. I get it. I don't think LeBron was going there, but even if he was it is still the best nickname that has been suggested. I like how it sounds and I'm rolling with it.
Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, its time to delve into a Heatle topic that is much more fun. The Fourth Heatle. Many suggestions have been floated around based on free agency or trade speculation. The idea has even been around since before the Heatle moniker was around. Being that this blog is a mix of sports and music, I feel more than qualified to break down the field.

Note, becoming the fourth Heatle is more than just being a memeber of the Heat. You have to have a Yellow Submarine every now and then...and be memorable even with the big shadow cast by the other Heatles.

Dwight Howard. Odds 20 to 1.

Deron Williams. Spike isn't going to like the thought of this, but he hates the name Heatles so he probably won't make it this far. He might be the biggest catch for any team post-lockout. One might argue Dwight Howard, but Williams has done much more with much less. And he is a proven leader on the floor. If he leaves Utah, he's probably going somewhere to spite the Jazz like to the Lakers rather than to run the show in South Beach. Odds 14 to 1

Chris Paul. This is a difficult one to predict. Stern will never trade him and subsequently sink the Hornets. And it would be cruel for him to leave the team just before they move to Seattle, sending Sonics fans a shell of a team. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who wants to be a fourth wheel anyway. Odds 12 to 1

Ricky Rubio. The mop top. The point guard with some flare. Won't be an option until 2012-2013. He might be too late to the Fourth Heatle Party. I'm not sure that he will even pan out as a pro anymore. Odds 12 to 1

Devin Harris. LeBron has covertly lobbied for this, but does he add the backbeat they need? Is he even better at thsi point than anyone they've got? Odds 12 to 1

Mario Chalmers. Even if LeBron has taken 'Rio under his wing, I'm not sure he will be known for much more than a NCAA Title winning three pointer. Plus he's got the Pete Best thing going. Odds 10 to 1

Greg Oden. This was floated out as a possibility since the Heat need a big man and Oden needs a change of scenery. I'm not so sure his legs can hold up to the legendary, though now less frequent, Heat practices. Insert joke here about his alleged talents on South Beach. Odds 6 to 1

Nene. Another big man scenario. This one probably hinges more on what happens in Denver in the next couple months. The Nuggs could be on the verge of a total implosion and Nene's future will simply be collateral damage. Odds 6 to 1

Mike Miller. Many are anoiting him the fourth Heatle since his 32 point outburst vs the Raptors. Thats all fine and good, but we forget that Ringo, most commonly recognized as the fourth Beatle, was not a founding member. Pete Best was. The question with Miller might be better formed as "Is he the Pete Best of the Heatles?" Odds 5 to 1

Kevin Love. LeBron has already been lobbying for him. You've got to think he is leaving Minnesota, so why not trade the Twin Cities for South Beach? Odds 4 to 1

Steve Nash. Here is where it gets interesting. Could he be Jason Kidd for the Heat? We all know Nash is a better shooter than Kidd, Chalmers or any other PG the Heat could pick up. Imagine Nash getting wide open threes a half dozen times a game. Also he is great with the high pick and roll, which has become the Heat's bread and butter. Imagine him running it with LeBron while Wade cuts backdoor, Mike Miller/James Jones stands in the weakside corner with Bosh at the free throw line extended. Pick your poisen on that one. And he has the hair for it. Only problem with this one is how he gets there. Trade? Not happening. Buyout? Not with 22 mil left on the books. That leaves free agency in the summer of 2012. Odds 3 to 1 (a guy can hope, right?)

Agreed to Terms

Just moments after The Decision, I received this text message from Spike - "mild hate and pure envy". I am only assuming it was a reference to me about LeBron taking his talents to South Beach and my beloved Heat, though he could have been referring to this fascinating project. (we'll get to that in the next couple days) I needed a little more time to sort through my feelings about the Heat's off-season transactions. I've been through a lot in 15+ years as a Heat fan; a kidney transplant, a Championship, a 25 win season, taking a chance on a kid from Marquette, learning to tolerate Shaq, all of sport-dom discounting the 2006 title because the Heat were somehow the only team in history to get a bogus call or two, a 16 win season, the New York Knicks (4 straight playoff eliminations, 3 in the first round even as the higher seed), Jermaine O'Heal, the Mike Beasley Experience, Clarence Weatherspoon, PJ Brown and Charlie Ward, Allan Houston, both Van Gundy's (one around Zo's leg) and Riles. I'm not saying I have been a tortured fan (though somewhere in the spring of 2003 I was beginning to wonder) but there have been some highs and lows to say the least.

Let me first address my feeling about the backlash of doubt and negativity.

Spike's sentiments could be easily applied to the majority of America's feelings about the Decision, but the problem is nobody will admit to it. The NBA has needed a bad guy since Kobe started winning again, so it seems that everyone is doing their best to make LeBron the league's foil. Had he gone to Chicago would there have been this backlash? New York? New Jersey? the reasoning for deciding on anyone of those destinations is about as reasonable as going to Miami to play with Wade and Bosh.(side note: everyone is saying Bosh is the lucky one in this off-season, raising his stock far beyond its worth. I say its Joakim Noah. He was labeled numerous times as an "elite big man". Sorry but that term is reserved for big men who average more than 10 and 10, and don't wear clown suits to the draft.) Anyway, its been astonishing to see how quickly everyone has forgotten what an incredible athlete LeBron James is. He is the two time reigning MVP. The country has been awing over his abilities on the basketball court for 9+ years. He was on the cover of Sports Illustrated at the age of 16 AND actually lived up to the hype. I have been very critical of LeBron over the years, but I have never doubted his basketball playing abilities. If the league needs a supervillian that bad, then thats fine. But I think that stigma is going to fade rather quickly once tip-off rolls around. We'll see more #6 Heat jersey's pop up around the country in the first week of November than we saw Chris Broussard in the first week of July.

So take Spike's words to heart and if they don't seem to do the trick, try this little line from the mid 90's: The past is gone but something might be found to take it's place -- Hey jealousy

Now to address my feelings.

I've never been good at being the front runner. I cringed as people made title and win predictions. I wanted the numbers from one to seven to go right back into LeBron's mouth. I tried to down play the potential of this team. I did everything I could to take things back to the Shaq vs Zo days, when someone else was the clear #1 and my guy(s) was/were the underdog. I also didn't want to be like all the Lakers/Cowboys/Yankees fans that I've hated my who life. I didn't want to be the guy who was the fan of the superteam, the highlight reel darlings, the team force fed to the public. I didn't want to have to explain to everyone who knows little about me that I have been a Heat fan my whole, post-2nd grade, life. I didn't want to be seen as the band wagoner. But over the course of the weekend following the LeBronal Conclave, the text messages started pouring in. Family and friends, acquaintances, people I hadn't heard from in years, high school friends that I was certain didn't have my number, and even people at the grocery store began congratulating me. My fears began to dissolve with every text message and I began to embrace the future. Then Beasley was shipped off. And Udonis came back. And Shaq was told "No Thanks". And Fisher went back to the Mamba. And Mike Miller came. And suddenly it was looking more and more like a team full of guys I could root for, guys I knew, guys I didn't have to brainwash myself into liking. I'm still not going to make a single prediction about wins or titles. But I will say that I am going to have the time of my life following this team, even if they are going to be front and center on ESPN and ABC for the next half decade.

Now to end with a collection of Heat related thoughts.

I never doubted Riley's power of persuasion and motivation. I mean he got Shaq, GP, 'Toine AND White Chocolate to play some semblance of basketball together...and get in shape. But I had myself talked into Amare and Joe Johnson several times. I was going to be okay with Gay and Boozer. I was hoping for Bosh and filler. I never would have really imagined this would happen.

I still don't know what to make of the "celebration" other than it was nice to see Wade back in the #3 and being flanked by #1 and #6 that didn't include the names Dorell or Mario.

I have always liked Dan LeBatard and I'm glad to being seeing more and more of him.

This < This

I don't think LeBron left any unpaid debts in northeast Ohio.

Zo played better than Shaq in the '06 Finals, period.

Dear Ohio,

I have decided to use this platform, The Black Converse, to officially respond to the negative outpouring towards me after my little sit down with Jim Gray last night. (side note: I should have known it was going to turn out the way it did when Jim Gray was the only reported who would agree to sit in the director's chair opposite me. He doesn't exactly have a great track record.) I chose this blog to address you all since Charlie T, a very loyal Heat fan, is one of the few people outside of South Beach who has my back.

Charlie T has also been very kind and wise in helping me put my feelings into words, providing me with perspective and verse. I would like to first address everyone in America who thinks I made a bad decision with a selection from what appears to be a TBC favorite, Wilco.

Oh it's okay for you to say
What you want from me
I believe that's the only
Way for me
To be
Exactly what you want me to be

Just remember, I make my own decisions. You don't get to. You are not LeBron James. (and you're damn right I just referred to myself in the third person)

And now to address Ohio specifically. This is sports. Get over yourselves. Remember Kent State in the 70's, neither do I but it happened only minutes from my home. Kent State was a real tragedy. Allow me to refresh your memory by borrowing from one of your Lake Erie neighbors:

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Nobody dies last night. Nobody was even physically harmed. Again, I'm sorry but se la vie .

And now to my owner Dan Gilbert. I can't wait too see you backpedaling on defense as I come up the floor like a locomotive. I can't wait to chase you down on a fast break and slap the ball through the backboard as you go up for a girlish layup. Just kidding, I know I won't be invited over for barbecue's and pick up games anymore. I'm okay with that.

But if you really feel everything you comic sansed the world last night, take some advice from Frightened Rabbit:

So swim until you can’t see land.
Swim until you can’t see land.
Swim until you can’t see land
Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?



And if you were just reacting passionately because you just lost 100+ million dollars in the net worth of the Cavs, essentially resurrecting the Rockers, then thats fine. You should have taken a step back, put your laptop down and put this Hank Williams song on the stereo and called it a night.

It's hard to know another's lips will kiss you
And hold you just the way I used to do
Oh, heaven only knows how much I miss you
I Can't Help It If I'm Still In Love With You.

And to my new fans in Miami:

Here i am in the place where i'com to let go-Miami
the bass and the sun set low.
Everyday like a Mardi Gras- everbody party all day
no work- all play, ok

So we sip a liitle something, leave the rest to spill.
me and Charlie at the bar running up a high bill
nutin; less than ill when we dress to kill,
and every time the ladies pass they be like "Hi Bron"

Cant wait for Halloween.

Yours for five years,

Bron

Lebron & the Heat Check

As sour grapes as possible and as a fan who (if you don't root for LA or MIA or BOS or maybe OKC and ORL) thinks the NBA just got less engaging, it's my job to make Charlie T's uber-happy life a little more miserable. So, I thought I'd revisit some of Charlie's anti-Lebron rants from TBC posts past. After all, Charlie T was more of a LeHater than I was from the start. Needless to say, that ended last night around 7:04 MST.

I was actually surprised by Charlie T's turnaround. I thought I would dig up dirt and throw it in his ecstatic face. But the results were mixed and Charlie was actually turning towards LeBron long before I'd anticipated. So here it is, in reverse chronological order, with Charlie T's posts in italics:

A NONCOMPREHENSIVE LOOK AT CHARLIE T'S LEBRON-RELATED POSTS

JAN 17, 2009
A big sarcastic jab that I can't really cut/paste without making this cross over into the 1,000,000 wordcount range. One highlight of Charlie T's translations of TV announcer fawning:

"Watch LeBron here as he takes over in the fourth quarter with a steal and a thunderous slam"
Translation: LeBron just ripped the ball out of Delonte West's hand, took a hesitation dribble just past half court and took 4 steps before dunking on the camera crew. For those who haven't seen professional basketball in a while, the rules have been changed to allow two extra steps if you take a hesitation dribble. Whatever that is.

FEB 10, 2009
Wah, wah, Cleveland.

That said, (Coach Brown) congratulations on sticking up for LeBron and Co. Your team has been so picked on. And it's nice to hear a little harmony with the sad tunes our dear martyr, St. BronBron of Our Lady Of Cleveland, has been singing lately.

FEB 12, 2009
We paired NBA players together in a fictional 2-on-2 tournament, one of many overambitious TBC Concept Series. They were usually paired for reasons of similarity or intertwining stories (Nash/Nowitzki, CP3/D-Will). Note how Charlie T emphasizes the utter fiction of this pairing.

Team Name: Unstoppable
Team Members: LeBron James and Dwayne[sic] Wade

Let's be realistic. This is the only way you will ever see these two play together in the NBA. You know full well that neither will take the paycut necessary to play on the same NBA team together. It just won't happen. That said, for this tournament, they have a lot going for them. (Pushing aside the obvious fact that they are two of the four legitimate MVP candidates this season,) They have some size (James) and both are super quick. Quicker than you might ever imagine. Trying to stop either of them in the lane is futile. Also, like all 2-on-2, this tournament will be Call Your Own Fouls. So, LeBron will be calling fouls on every play, assuring a lot of easy points for his team (because, come on, has there ever been a play in which LeBron wasn't fouled?)...

Feb 27, 2009
An open letter to LeBron. And not a nice one. I believe he calls LeBron "pathetic." Luckily South Beach is known for blurry memories. I do have to give it to Charlie T for skewering both Kobe and LeBron in the same post. I'll miss that. Oh, and Charlie T's soothsaying was only half right about Shaq. He came, but delivered no title.

Dear LeBron,

I know you spent a lot of time with Kobe over the summer. And I know you think he is soooo cool. But this is really a new low in emulation. You had ZERO ASSISTS last night against the Houston Rockets. I can excuse the Kobe-esque 33% shooting, the Black Mamba-ish one-on-five with everyone standing around watching you, even the post-dunk scowl. But for Mr. I'm Gonna Average A Triple Double For My Career? This was inexcusable. Even Ben "I Broke My Leg and Didn't Know It" Wallace had more assists and rebounds than you in half the time.

Keep this up and you'll never escape the curse of being the next Kobe Bryant. Except that Shaq won't be coming to give you a title.

Sincerely,
Charlie T. Hustle Jr.

P.S. One rebound was pretty pathetic too. Correction, Really pathetic.

March 20, 2009
The turning begins.

It's no secret that there is a lack of butt kissing for LeBron here at TBC as opposed to the rest of the televisioned world. But I'm finding it harder and harder to find the holes in anything he does lately. In March, thus far, he is averaging 30 pts. 9 assists 9 rebounds nearly 2 steals and shooting 48%. Plus his team has only lost to Boston this month. So keep playing hard in the regular season, boys. I'm sure you'll give me plenty of chances in the playoffs to be critical.

Nov 13, 2009
The soothsaying, crystal balling Charlie T emerges. Was he precognitive or just really hopeful?

Now that we have established that Miami has retired the number 23, let's bring Mr. James back into the picture and add this theory to the long list of "Where will LeBron go in 2010" theories.

LeBron won't be able to have #23 when he goes to Miami next season. If he can't have it then nobody can. Nobody.

Jan 26, 2010
More saying of sooth.

LeBron becomes a little tougher to pin down (we all know the lack of income tax in Florida has got to be alluring) but there isn't as much mystery around it as there once was.

Feb 9, 2010
The Official Pro-LBJ post.

Here at TBC, we've been mostly down on LeBron James . Not because he is a bad basketball player, but mostly because we didn't like being force fed hearty helpings of King James everywhere we looked. We, or maybe just me, felt that the hype was vastly over done for a guy so young and relatively unaccomplished. This season, I'm starting to have a change of heart. I have seen quite a few Cavs games and James has definitely taken his game to another level. It's not only affecting his game, but the rest of his team looks phenomenal. He makes JJ Hickson look like the second coming of Scottie Pippen (which he isn't...Hickson will be out of the league a year after he stops playing with LeBron) and he makes Shaq (at least for 5 possessions a game) look like Lew Alcindor out there. Nobody else could do that I am convinced. Kobe would chew those guys out to the point that they wouldn't even show up to practice. Wade (as much as it pains me to say this) would get his 20 and then take the rest of the game off. ... And that is why I now buy into LeBron. And the Cavaliers.

March 2, 2010
Charlie posts his theories on why LBJ changed his uni #. Truly soothsaying, this one. People in NYC wish he were just a little more accurate.

Theory 3: He is going to play for the Miami Heat next year and the number 23 is retired there (Michael Jordan). Likelihood: 15% (he could have whatever number he wanted upon changing teams)
Theory 7: Number 6 is LeBron's Team USA number and he wants to recreate Team USA in New York with Wade and Bosh. This is the first step. Likelihood: 45% (Bosh and Wade could just change their numbers upon switching teams)

May 10, 2010
Charlie types a post about how players' value/legacies/perception hinge on how their playoff performances shake out. He put LeBron in a category of players who have "done very little to help themselves" in the 2010 playoffs. I'm not sure if Charlie is saying that LeBron's best has to be better or that the sinking ship could use a more valiant effort by its doomed captain. This was just 2 months ago.

(LeBron) is doing exactly what everybody knows he is capable of, except he has to do it every moment of every game. How does this not (improve) our view of him and shouldn't it be more about his teammates? Yes, they are to blame for their disappearing act but consider this: if a home-schooled child never learns to read, is it his fault or his parents'? LeBron is the parent in this case and his teammates are the illiterate children. Any sign of trouble and LeBron immediately takes over. He can't sit back idly while his teammates struggle through words like "rebound", "defense" or "make an open shot." Of course, we enjoy watching him dominate and I can only imagine Mo Williams does too. He has just become too accustomed to it happening. Same for Side-Show Bob, Grand Theft West, Sheldon Williams's brother-in-law and ABC's in-studio analyst for the 2010-2011 season Mike Brown.

And finally, in the midst of the playoffs and after a post that quickly mocked LeBron's elbow, Charlie T tired of hyperbolic and sycophantic journalists and announcers. We all did. Sarcastically and fed up, he posted this:

LeBron James is the greatest athlete in the history of the game. Wherever LeBron goes will turn that franchise around. You have to say something nice about Early Exit LeBron but both those comments are way off base. Great Athlete? Yes. Franchise Player? Yes. Beyond that? Let's leave it open for debate.

Well, the debate has started. We all know how Dan Gilbert feels. And in Comic Sans no less.

"Its More Engaging When You Don't Know"

The National's Matt Berninger tried to describe the lyrics to "Bloodbuzz Ohio" in a veiled string of words and then ended it with, "Its more engaging when you don't know." That really sums up my draw to The National and more specifically, his lyrics. The same can be said about most of my favorite things, I like not knowing exactly what the intent is. I like having the space to fill in the blanks.

Nothing kills a movie for me like seeing 5 different trailers, each one getting increasingly more revelatory about the plot and showing "all the good parts". You could get me to see just about anything, or at least be excited about seeing it, by not showing me much more than the name of the film and some shots of each actor in the movie. Beyond that, you're giving me too much information and my interest wanes. Again, its more interesting to watch it unfold.

The same goes for sports. If I have a game on the DVR and I mistakenly catch the score before I've seen the whole game, I won't even bother. Its not that I don't want to watch the game, but it takes away my main motivation for watching; answering the question of who is going to win. The NBA Playoffs this year have been surprisingly entertaining. Sure there have been plenty of no-shows and series sweeps, but that is going to happen and even some of those series were entertaining (Phoenix/San Antonio).

I've enjoyed the suspense of the games, but I haven't enjoyed the hyperbole surrounding the cast of characters involved. THis goes back to the need to not know. Every announcer, writer, analyst and goofy-dressed reporter has used up their lifetime allotment of exaggeration in this playoffs alone. Rajon Rondo is the best point guard in the game. Rondo made the greatest play in Celtics' history. No he isn't and no he didn't. But does he have at least 3 exciting plays a game? Yes. Can't we just leave his place in history undefined until he strings together a couple seasons, yes I said SEASONS, full of the play we've seen from him recently? LeBron James is the greatest athlete in the history of the game. Wherever LeBron goes will turn that franchise around. You have to say something nice about Early Exit LeBron but both those comments are way off base. Great Athlete? Yes. Franchise Player? Yes. Beyond that? Lets leave it open for debate. Don't just sling hyperbole for the sake of needing to say something. The list goes on and on. Pau Gasol, best bigman in the game. Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah, best young tandem to team up with. Knicks, best opportunity to become a legend.

Say anything like this, and I'm immediately disengaged. I'd rather wonder how good someone can become and how good they are than see them ranked "all-time". I'd rather hear the questions than the answers, and don't think I'm alone.

Write or Be Written

Long has the adage floated around that those who win the war write the history books. I wonder if that saying exists in Great Britain. Or in Japan. Or anywhere that has very publicly lost a war. My guess is there isn't a phrase for that in German and that it only works in American English where we have a sparkling record in battle...or at least completely unwilling to admit defeat. Therein lies the point. No matter what happens, we write the history. We decide what we will remember.

The NBA is no different than American History. Players decide how their legacy will be written. At no other time during the NBA season are there more words being poured into the history books. Just ask First Round Tracy how important the playoffs are to NBA History. This year has been no exception to the rule. There are players who are actively writing and re-writing their legacy on the court. On the other side of the coin, there are players who are passively letting their history be edited like a bunch of college freshman who just realized anyone can edit a wikipedia page. Its not win or go home, its write or be written.

The Writers
This is not a comprehensive list, but rather a small selection of players who have done more for reshaping our memory of them than anyone else.

Steve Nash
We already knew he was tough and that he made his teammates better. But we weren't sure he could carry his team. We didn't know if he was wired with a "get on my back and I'll make sure we walk away with a win" chip. Turns out he is. I thought he was crazy wen he re-signed with Phoenix for four more years. I thought Amare would be an idiot to hitch his wagon to a 36 year old white guy who will have to guard the quickest players in the league. I was certain there were a number of better opportunities for Nash where he could push hard for two years for a title and have a better supporting cast. Turns out I was wrong. No matter how the Lakers series turns out, I will never again say that Nash didn't deserve those two MVPs.

Grant Hill
Take note all you twilight-of-your-career-stars who still think they need 20 shots a game and enough touches to get into a rhythm even though they no longer have the physical ability to require even a single team, let alone a double team. Grant Hill has effectively gone from aged, former star to defensive stopper and effective role player on a winning team. Just ask Jerryd Bayless how efective he has been.



Deron Williams
He has played in the the second round or later in nearly everyone of his NBA seasons, yet judging by the kind things being said about him, you would think this was his first trip to the playoffs. The only thing he has done differently this year is break Chris Paul's knee. Its working.

The Being Written
This is not a comprehensive list, but rather a small selection of players who have done very little to help themselves.

Shaq
Remember Oliver Miller? I do, but only because Shaq is a glaring, constant reminder. He obviously didn't take any notes from Grant Hill during his 18 months in Phoenix.

LeBron James
He is doing exactly what everybody knows he is capable of, except he has to do it every moment of every game. How does this not help our view of him and shouldn't it be more about his teammates? Yes they are to blame for their disappearing act but consider this: if a home-schooled child never learns to read, is it his fault or his parents? LeBron is the parent in this case and his teammates are the illiterate children. Any sign of trouble and LeBron immediately takes over. He can't sit back idly while his teammates struggle through words like "rebound", "defense" or "make an open shot". Of course we enjoy watching him dominate and I can only image Mo Williams does too. He has just become to accustomed to it happening. Same for Side-Show Bob, Grand Theft West, Sheldon Williams's brother-in-law and ABC's in-studio analyst for the 2010-2011 season Mike Brown.

Andrei Kirilenko
A couple years ago, AK "threatened" to walk away from the NBA. Then someone must have told him how many Rubles equals one million Dollars. He had a mini-renaissance for about 3/4 of the season before returning to Siberia.

Joe Johnson
He must really be looking forward to that max contract with the Nets. He will then really see what its like when fans don't show up. He wil have to drop the "e" from Joe in order to fit in, but thats a small price to pay for the max contract badge of honor.

Things I Wish I Had Remembered Before Last Wednesday or Broken Brackets

Ohio, St Mary's, UNI, Cornell, and Washington made everyone completely unproductive over the weekend and completely leveled everyone's bracket. Sure, I wish I would have pick at least one of those teams. Who wouldn't (because NOBDOY did unless your name is Jay Bilas). But if I had to fill out a bracket again, knowing what I know now, I would do things a little differently. However, the changes I would make don't include any of those teams. It involves this grainy little YouTube clip:



Why did I not pick Jordan Crawford and his Xavier teammates to do more than beat the Golden Gophers before bowing out? How did I forget the most talked about basketball player of last summer? And most importantly, how did I not pick out some kind of anti-LeBron storyline to root for during the tournament? I know I've done something of a 180 on LeBron this season, but that doesn't mean he isn't still fun to root against. Jordan Crawford was that storyline and not only did I miss it, I air-balled it.

Its 5:37

23 to 6 might be a more appropriate way to say it since thats whats happening in LeBronland right now. He has confirmed that he will be changing his number from 23 to 6 for next season, apparently to honor Michael Jordan.

Someone might need to get LeBron a set of Basketball History tapes that date back before the he was born because 6 is just as important of a number for two reasons; Bill Russell and Julius Erving. But not too wax too nostalgic for a couple of legends, I'll take the time to speculate what this switch might mean.

Theory 1: He is going to channel Dr. J and grow out a 'fro and participate in the dunk contest. Likelihood: 3%

Theory 2: He wants to win as many titles as Russell and thinks that having the number will help him. Likelihood: 5%

Theory 3: He is going to play for the Miami Heat next year and the number 23 is retired there (Michael Jordan). Likelihood: 15% (he could have whatever number he wanted upon changing teams)

Follow-Up Theory A: He is going to play for the Chicago Bulls (MJ), Atlanta Hawks (Lou Hudson), Boston Celtics (Frank Ramsey), Houston Rockets (Calvin Murphy), or New Jersey Nets (John Williamson). All have the number 23 retired. Likelihood: 25% (again, he could have whatever number he wanted upon changing teams)

Theory 4: He is sending a message that he will hot be playing for the following teams that have the number 6 retired; Boston (Russell), Orlando (their fans), Philly (Dr. J), Phoenix (Walter Davis), Sacramento (their fans). Likelihood: 10% (again, he could have whatever number he wanted upon changing teams...and we already know he won't be playing for any of those teams)

Theory 5: LeBron secretly wants to be Kobe (though nobody can figure out why) and has decided that he is staying in Cleveland and wants to give his career a re-start a la Kobe Bryant when he went from 8 to 24. Likelihood: 50%

Theory 6: Back to the Kobe Envy Theory from above, he saw that Kobe changing his number made Kobe's jersey the highest selling jersey. LeBron wants to have the highest selling jersey so he is switching his number. Likelihood: 60%

Theory 7: Number 6 is LeBron's Team USA number and he wants to recreate Team USA in New York with Wade and Bosh. This is the first step. Likelihood: 45% (Bosh and Wade could just change their numbers upon switching teams)

Theory 8: LeBron is tired of Shaq getting all the media attention with his thumb surgery. Likelihood: 80% (LeBron is an attention hog, this story puts him on the front page and gets people talking about him)

Theory 9: He actually wants to honor Air Jordan. Likelihood: 65% (never take anything at face value)

Theory 10: Nobody really knows, not even LeBron himself. Likelihood: 95%

Mr. Big Z Goes To Washington

We figured since Big Z has been so gracious to us all season we should give him another opportunity to voice his thoughts to our readers, even though he is no longer with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Big Z, the floor is yours.

"I thought after this commercial that I was finally one of the guys and could start participating in the timeout photo shoots and the all-night poker parties at 'Bron's house. I also thought that being one of the guys meant I was going to get to finish out my contract with the only team I've ever known.



I guess I was wrong. But now I'm not sure what to do. My agent thinks I love Cleveland, my new team has no problem with me sightseeing all day, I'm still getting paid and The Commish is trying to keep me from being able to sign back with the Cavs (assuming I get released). I'm starting to think that this new gig isn't so bad. Why would I want to go back to the Mistake By The Lake? To Witness greatness? I know what thats all about. I'm witnessing greatness everyday as I make my way through the Smithsonian. I witness greatness on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Cleveland broke my heart when they sent me away...I'm not going to let them do it again.

Boston, Orlando...If you're listening...I am ready and willing to come teach you the handshake. Just let me finish the Air and Space Museum.

Z

P.S. You can only be Superman as long as you can fit into the tights. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.

P.P.S. I know a lot of you have been getting some good laughs off my bald head being likened unto a Bullet, but just because I'm in Washington doesn't mean the Bullets are back."

Well there you have it....Big Z in his own words.

All-Star Weekend 2010 Roundup

Remember when there were 108,000+ people were watching basketball on the same tv in the same room?

Remember when Gerald Wallace actually cared during All-Star Weekend?

Remember when Deron Williams exacted his revenge on the Nuggets and kept Carmelo from winning the MVP?

Remember when Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Dwight Howard had a dunk contest?

Official TBC Results from that contest: 1.Wade 2. LeBron (could have won but had a couple too many layups) 3. Howard (though he might have had the dunk of the game)

Leave The Best One Behind

It happens to me all the time. I get a new album, find a song or two on it I like and then play them to death. Its really a habit I should break because its ruined so many songs for me. Upon getting the newest Retribution Gospel Choir album, I found that the first song, Hide It Away, was far and away my favorite. And it didn't help that it was the first track, making it all too easy to repeat it without hearing anything else. Then I got worried that I might play it to death. Something had to change.

I got in my car one morning and the album was in the cd player. The first song had just finished but I wasn't paying too much attention to that. I just let the album play. A few songs into it, I found my self really liking the rest of what I was hearing. But I mean really liking it. I had given the cd a few plays clear through, but because I loved the first song so much, it made the rest of the songs seem very ordinary and unexciting. But something great happened that morning when the album got a good listen without being in the shadow of the best song. And turns out, the rest of it is even better than I had thought.

That leads me into my next point. Here at TBC, we've been mostly down on LeBron James. Not because he is a bad basketball player, but mostly because we didn't like being force fed hearty helpings of King James everywhere we looked. We, or maybe just me, felt that the hype was vastly over done for a guy so young and relatively unaccomplished. This season, I am starting to have a change of heart. I have seen quite a few Cavs games, though they are hard to miss, and James has definitely taken his game to another level. Its not only effecting his game, but the rest of his team looks phenomenal. He makes JJ Hickson look like the second coming of Scottie Pippen (which he isn't...Hickson will be out of the league a year after he stops playing with LeBron), he makes Boobie Gibson still look like a 12 year old and he makes Shaq (at least for 5 possessions a game) look like Lew Alcindor out there. Nobody else could do that I am convinced. Kobe would chew those guys out to the point that they wouldn't even show up to practice. Wade (as much as it pains me to say this) would get his 20 and then take the rest of the game off.

So it made me think, if you took the best player off all the teams in the league, like I did with the best song off the RGC album, which team would shine the brightest? I would be that Cleveland would not be the first team to come to mind. Or the second, third or the twentieth. This is not a new revelation. Everyone knows LeBron has been on bad teams his whole career but has managed to make them competitive. But there is something about this particular cast of characters playing with him this season that has upped the degree of difficulty, to which he has responded incredibly. And that is why I now buy into LeBron. And the Cavaliers.

48 point games by Vinsanity won't stop them. The athleticism of the Hawks won't either. Neither will KG's wooden leg. Chauncy and the Gang won't get a shot at them. Nor will Deron and his Merry Men. This year will be the matchup everyone wanted last year, Kobe v LeBron. I will stand by this prediction, even though a two year old could see this coming. The difference is, I'm not one to pencil in the favorites.

Simple Math and Exploding Heads

We all know the classic math problem "If train A leaves Chicago traveling 100MPH and train B leaves New York traveling 150MPH and the distance between the two cites is 600 miles how far from New York will it be when the two trains meet?" Not many of us could rattle off the answer but somewhere along the line we have used the first part of it as a joke, which was probably unsuccessful unless you wear your pants somewhere between your bellybutton and your nipples.

Now I would like to alter a couple things. Train A isn't leaving Chicago, its leaving Cleveland. Train B isn't leaving New York but rather its leaving Mississippi. On those trains are the futures of LeBron and Brett Favre. And once again, this summer, they will be battling for Bottom Line Dominance*.

This is where heads are going to explode. Those heads being in Ohio, Minnesota, New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Florida, Toronto (assuming Chris Bosh and the Raptors can crack the crack the top 5 in Canadian popularity) and especially in Bristol, CT. Nobody is going to know what to do with themselves as both parties speculate about their future. It will be a battle fought in the sky with multiple helicopters, on the ground (I wonder if Rachel Nicholes will be the first person to broadcast live from two locations, simultaneously) and in the sea (at least I hope...there aren't enough news boats out there). I predict that we see the inception of LeBronCenter and FavreCenter as a result of the ensuing spotlight battle during the forthcoming summer.

We can pretty much pencil in Favre as the QB for the VIkings next year. LeBron becomes a little tougher to pin down (we all know the lack of income tax in Florida has got to be alluring) but there isn't as much mystery around it as there once was. And we can all rest assured that there will be no lack of coverage as these two trains approach their destinations.

*Bottom Line Dominance (or BLD) is attained when a news story dominates ESPN's Bottom Line sports ticker. Examples include Tiger, Brett Favre and his retirements, and the upcoming NBA free agent class.

GAINES!!!

D Will goes down.

LeBron goes off.

Boozer fouls out.

Candance Parker's brother misses.

Korver hits from behind the glass.

Candance Parker's brother misses again.

Z misses one too.

And then:

Korver is covered.

Memo is too.

Ronnie Price (who has a well-documented love for shooting when the clock winds down) too.

Gaines hits the first 3-pointer of his NBA career.

GAINES HITS IT!

Incredible game.

The NBA. Where 10-Day Contracts Happen.

A League of Their Own

The Nettes are rewriting the history books with every game this year. First, they were to the first team to make jump from the WNBA to the NBA. Then they tied (and should break) the record for most consecutive losses to start the season. Now they are in search of a new coach and could really be trendsetters there too. To help out the record setting Nettes, we have prepared a list of the top coaching candidates who are more than qualified to lead the Real Housewives into battle on the hardwood for the rest of this season.

10. His/her ability to relate to both genders on the team cannot be overlooked

















9. Couldn't hurt to stack the deck a little more for the 2010 bonanza
(obviously its the person on the right)



















8. Lawrence Frank was bad, but she has one of the greatest videos of all time
(also, cannot be overlooked that she is sleeping with management)




















7. Has the WNBA pedigree and looking to break into the Association in a leading role


















6. Whose name would look the best next to other "hot girl names"?



















5. Probably the closest to the job on this list













4. Seeing this after every win would put people in the seats for sure...on second thought we would never get to see it
















3. The best college coaches always go pro at some point



















2. This is our favorite...only so we can watch our TNT doubleheaders in peace

















1. Ladies and Gentlemen, the new coach of the New Jersey Nettes....Jimmy Dugan

Fueling The Fire

Apparently LeBron James thinks Michael Jordan is the basketball equivalent to Jackie Robinson.

I've got a different theory on the whole thing. It is widely known that the Miami Heat don't have much of a franchise history. To their defense, there is more of a history than some of the other teams that joined the league with them. That aside, the numbers hanging in the rafters are 23, 13, 33, and 10. Jordan, Marino, Mourning and Hardaway. The latter two make sense, the other two? Not hardly. Now that we have established that Miami has retired the number 23, lets bring Mr. James back into the picture and add this theory to the long list of "Where will LeBron go in 2010" theories.

LeBron won't be able to have #23 when he goes to Miami next season. If he can't have it then nobody can. Nobody.

The Real Story of LeBron James This Summer

We have all seen The Skulls and wondered if they really do all the weird initiations that the movie portrays. The nation was obsessed with The DaVinci Code and its tales of secret societies. And lets not forget about NBA referees and all the "coincidences" around Playoff games. Bottom line is, we all believe in conspiracies and secret societies, we're just not sure to what extent they exist. The Black Converse has been granted this exclusive tell-all about the biggest conspiracy you never knew.

One the King Of Pop (and the King of Media) passed away, it was time for the Media Moguls (this is the name for the secret society that these rich people belong to) to pick an heir. They didn't want to build someone from scratch and have to turn him into an anime character like last time. Plus, it was becoming harder and harder to make the front page meaning the antics had to get more and more ridiculous So they needed a fresh start, but they also needed someone who was already on his way. It was the perfect storm.

So they invited LeBron James to their secret meeting in Idaho. He had just come off an MVP season. He was making every reporter stand at attention anytime he put on a Yankees hat or even opened his mouth. He was on his way to finishing up in a mid-major media market on his way to the biggest one in the world. It was almost too perfect.

Some were still skeptical. He was too young. He was a child phenom. Would he have the same problems as his predecessor? Would he try and take matters into his own hands? But this wasn't a one horse race. There was another down in Mississippi with all the right moves. They would need to put them to the test.

So it was on. A battle for media buzz. The King Of Akron versus the King Of The Unretirement.

One continued to set deadlines for an announcement while the other turned a piece of seaweed into Loch Ness Monster. While the debating went on for weeks as to who was more ready to be the Heir, there was no debate as to how easy it was for them to grab the headlines with something so meaningless.

As of our print deadline, the decision had not been made. The Media Moguls were still locked inside their all-inclusive resort with no smoke rising out of the chimney yet. I suspect they will make an announcement soon, but not before they've ridden both these horses to the death, and then beat them with a stick.

What The World Needs Now (midsummer edition)

(the title of which is a conscious nod to Cracker's Teen Angst, not Dionne Warwick's midlife tripe. This may or may not become a new series of, basically, gripes)

is....

:: more athletes milking the suspense of where will they go/will they show up.

:: more Feel Good Stories getting castrated before our very eyes. The PGA could learn a thing or two from ol' David Stern. Lesson The First: When your sport is on the verge of its Feel Good Story of the Year and it's coinciding with People Actually Caring About Non-Tiger Golf, you make things happen by any means necessary. Crease an envelope's corner. Taint the officials. Rig some moments. Magnetize a ball. Get Tonya Harding on the phone and have her tee off on Cink's knees. I don't care. Make a call and make it happen. And, as for you, Stewart Cink? Nice green ensemble.


:: more music blogs claiming a unique angle to music, but all lauding (then dismissing, then re-championing, then ironically liking, then...you get the idea) the same records in synchronicity. And then we wonder where the backlash comes from? COME ON. You folks are the reason I won't be able to objectively approach the latest albums from Animal Collective, Passion Pit, or Grizzly Bear until LeBron is a Knick/Net.

Album Box Score :: Dan Auerbach/Keep It Hid

Keep It Hid is guitarist and front man of the Black Keys' first "solo" album. It has more of some things that the Black Keys don't offer too much of in their efforts; variety. It also features Dan as the master of all trades in the title of the album but we find out that the White Keys (who plays on this album with him) are a bit more prominent than we are led to believe. Black Keys drummer Pat Carney is nowhere to be found and to be honest, it might have helped.

Since he is engrained in Akron, Ohio almost as deeply as King James, we had to bring LeBron into this. LeBron-ness means the songs are fit for a king but not necessarily the King of the Hardwood.

Enjoy.

[Total score: 898]

Pre Finals Preparations, MVPuppets Edition

I have loved the Most Valuable Puppet commercials. Some of the moments in those commercials are among my favorite Playoff moments. Here are a few:

Lil Dex to LeBron: You've got over 20 triple doubles, can I have one?

LeBron to Kobe (after answering the phone call from Mrs. Lewis): She said...YOU AIN'T GOT NO DEFENSE.

Kobe to LeBron (while he is parading around throwing chalk in the air): Why do we live together?

Lil Dex to Kobe: Kobe, Why you shave your 'fro? Are you more aerodynamic now?

Kobe to LeBron (on the phone long distance to each other right after Game 6, LeBron is in Orlando and Kobe in the apartment): Mrs. Lewis said you can share a room with Lil Dex until you get your own place.

My only hope now is that we don't get bombarded with Puppet commercials featuring only Kobe. The success was in the Puppet Roommate Chemistry. (If only Dwight Howard had signed with Nike) Turkoglu would be an awesome new roommate for Puppet Kobe. It might turn out a little like this show (though Kobe would have to grow out his 'fro again). They could cut to scenes of LeBron having dinner with Mrs. Lewis and Lil Dex, LeBron not being able to sleep at night because Hedo and Kobe and playing one-on-one. This could be really great.