Wire Tapped Conversation

The following conversation was leaked by an as yet unnamed government operative who happened to be wiretapping either Chris Bosh (suspicion that he is actually an alien?) or Carlos Boozer (just trying to deport for the hell of it). It occurred someplace in South Beach last Saturday night.

BOSH: Hey, Booz.

BOOZ: Hey, Bosh.

BOSH: (awkward silence) Look, yo. I got to clear the air.

BOOZ: Sure. And why are you suddenly talking like you're some urban playground dude?

BOSH: Not sure.

BOOZ: Fine. Continue.

BOSH: OK. So I need to clear the air– when you referred to the Miami Heat as the Big 2, that kind of hurt my feelings. I mean, I make as much money as they do!

BOOZ: Ah, man, Bosh. I'm sorry. I didn't think you would take it THAT way...

BOSH: What do you mean.

BOOZ: I mean, I know and everybody knows that you make as much money as they do. You're undeniable that way.

BOSH: (blushing) Aw, thanks, Booz.

BOOZ: Yeah. What I meant was: they are the Big 2 of SKILLS, of SUPERSTARDOM, of PLAYING BASKETBALL. Not money, Bosh.

BOSH: (relieved) Oh good. I thought maybe you were trying to insinuate that I don't get paid like they do.

BOOZ: Never.

BOSH: Man, I'm glad we talked about this. Now look there's this other thing...

BOOZ: Yeah?

BOSH: I was thinking...

BOOZ: Go on, Boshie.

BOSH: What if, tomorrow, we just sorta let each other go off. Shut up the naysayers who are saying we're soft and overpaid and not producing. Just a gentlemen's agreement. You get your 20-10. I get mine.

BOOZ: Interesting.

BOSH: I just think it's mutually beneficial.

BOOZ: It is. It is. But I'm gonna need at least 15 boards just to shut up Noah.

BOSH: I'll give you 15 boards. You give me 3o points...I'm a scorer. Ight?

BOOZ: Ight.

BOSH: (pauses) What about who wins?

BOOZ: (waits, watches Bosh for a reaction) You know we don't care about the W's. Just the GW's. (laughs maniacally as if he has just dunked on a role player when the game is already out of hand)

BOSH: (laughs)

BOOZ: (laughs more)

BOSH: (tries to laugh more than Boozer, gets tired) Look, we get paid the same for an L or a W. And we both know neither of us is gonna win or lose a game for any team, much less these two.

BOOZ: So...we on? 20-15 for me? 30-10 for you?

BOSH: We on. (shakes hand)

BOTH: (letting go, wringing hands gingerly with overdramatic winces)

BOSH: You know I played more than you in the Olympics, though, right?

BOOZ: Huh?

BOSH: Nothing.

A Message from 1990's Charlie T.

90's Charlie T caught wind of the Gospel of Hustle debate and decided to cast his two cents into the chatter. 90's Charlie T has email, but isnt totally comfortable with it yet as a communication tool. He just likes to IM. The following is a except from his chat with 2010 Charlie T.

chuckt90_33: (9:36 AM) I really like Coach Spo. He talks about defense and adversity and is never satisfied. He probably spends four hours every morning and four more before bed locked in a room with Riles and Zo. Thats the only way to explain his dedication to the message. He is scared to death about what will happen if he strays from the Heat Way, knowing that he will have to answer to both of them.

charlie_T2010: (9:41 AM) Never underestimate the power of Alonzo's scowl or Riley's silence.

chuckt90_33: (9:42 AM) Exactly. One will tear your arms clean off and the other will find you a cozy place at the bottom of Biscayne Bay. I'm glad to see the two of them keeping the Heat Way alive. It seems like everyone is buying in too...except for JaChris Boshburn. I always wondered why Riley put up with Mashburn. The guy just wanted to put up threes from the corner. And when we brawled with the Knicks, he was looking for the back door, like the prep school kid in a bar fight.

charlie_T2010: (9:50 AM) Yeah, Bosh really fits that Mashburn role. Mash was third fiddle to Zo and Hardaway, and without the grittiness of PJ Brown and Keith Askins. We needed Mash at the time because points were at a premium though. Even if he was a bit soft.

chuckt90_33: (9:53 AM) A bit soft?! The guy couldn't crack an egg even if he smashed it against his forehead. He was unbelievable. Just like this Bosh guy. You saw what he said about getting hurt during a scramble for a loose ball. Please. I'd be surprised if he wasn't really hurt, but suspended by Riley for being a pansy.

charlie_T2010: (9:58 AM) So you agree with Spike? I mean I know Bosh is soft, but he does what we need him to. 18 and 10 and then stays out of the way.

chuckt90_33: (10:01 AM) Of course I agree with Spike on this one. Spike once rooted for a guy who wrestled WWF. I rooted for teams who wrestled on the floor. Toughness is part of our basketball fan DNA. What happened to you? Remember when the Heat would roll into MSG? What we saw in Cleveland may have been loud, but it wasn't as fierce as what we saw in New York or Chicago or Indiana. That was true hatred. And The Decision? Riles FAXED in his resignation. Thats what villains and tough guys do. They body slam when they box out and they fax in their resignation. They don't whine about an ankle. They play with one kidney and a cocktail of meds just so they can stay alive! They shred their knee getting back on D, and then rehab even though they are going to retire anyway. Who cares about 18 and 10. My little sister can put up 18 and 10 shooting 20 footers. I'm disappointed in you, future me.

charlie_T2010: (10:09 AM) I

chuckt90_33: (10:09 AM) You need to get back to your roots. You're in love with the fast breaks and the highlights against the Warriors.

charlie_T2010: (10:09 AM) I guess you're right. I am looking past some of the pretty boy stuff going on. But Wade is a tough guy. So is Bron. Udonis. Eddie House will mix it up. James Jones is taking charges. Big Cat is bustin up guys even when he's on the bench in a suit (see vs Ron Artest). I don't even like Bosh that much. So what if he is soft. We are winning.

chuckt90_33: (10:12 AM) We are winning now. But what happens when KG pushes him around in the Playoffs. Or when Bogut mixes it up with him. Or when Noah has his way. He wont be getting his usual then. He'll be getting his swim trunks ready to go chill.

charlie_T2010: (10:14 AM) I see your point. Right now he would be getting the PJ Brown hustle like Pau Gasol got in 08.

chuckt90_33: (10:15 AM) There you go. Stop pretending the regular season matters. For the teams that have a shot, its a chance to get it figured out, and right now Bosh needs to do a lot of that. And for our sake, I hope he does.

charlie_T2010: (10:18 AM) I hope so too. I know they are listening to the doubters because they've done a lot of disproving so far. Turning into a team so quickly, Bron and Wade playing well together, getting it done with a four headed center, making it work with a minimum salary roster.

charlie_T2010: (10:20 AM) I'm glad we had this little chat. I have been too soft on my guys. I'm just excited to have some hope...and some exciting basketball to watch. But you're right. I am not giving it the full Zo effort. I'm standing by the back door when i should be mixing it up.

spike_dub_12 (10:23 AM) And on the fourth day, there was light.

Princess Christina

Soft.

I am not against anyone for being upset about being injured. It's your livelihood. You (ostensibly) love to play. You're competitive and want to be out there. You want to help your team win.

Or want to just chill. Whatever.

But come on.

Picking on a first year ex-Euroleaguer? (Would Xtina Bosh have been so vocal if KG had landed on his ankle? If you say yes, you are LYING. He went after a youngblood.) Calling out somebody who hustled without malice? Sure, let's not be reckless. Sure, let's not be malicious. (This was neither, by the way). But come on. I don't want anybody on my team who wants to institute itty bitty micro-rules or gentlemen's agreements about when hustle is and is not appropriate. Please.

Give me the guy who dives for the ball, who gets on the floor. Not the guy who believes in some pink cotton candy world of "higher law."

Maybe KG should warn his teammates before diving into the bench for a loose ball. Maybe Robert Parish should've warned Kurt Rambis before he clotheslined him.

Bottom line: Chris Bosh got hurt on a nonmalicious hustle play (in which he may have been outhustled) that happens 5-6 times every game and had to whine about it with some stupid rant about...what...a mutual understanding among players about the propriety of hustle?

Somebody get the Heat a muzzle.

And somebody get 1990's Charlie T on the line to remind 2010 Charlie T what it meant to battle on the basketball court.

"What's it like rooting for a total p*$#!?"

I want to start out by saying that every member of the Miami Heat has said something stupid that has made headlines. They are not excused for making dumb comments. They know good and well that there are reporters waiting anxiously for some sound bite or sentence fragement that will garner some attention. They have the full attention of the sports world which means most sports fans hear all of these remarks, or at least the most ridiculous ones. (see also Iverson, Allen "we talkin bout practice?") We then get to have heated, over the top debates about what kind of person they are. In most cases this wouldn't be fair but when you have a signing party at the arena in July and have a tv special, you get more scrutiny.

Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, on to the matter at hand. Two questions about The Heatles; Is Chris Bosh a pansy? and to quote Spike's question to me "What's it like rooting for a total p*$#!?"

Four years ago I was playing pick-up basketball with a bunch of friends from school. It was five on five, full court and indoors. Just a bunch of never-weres getting together and sweating it out. Three games into it, we had finally found balanced teams and it quickly became more competitive. The last game featured a pizza bet, with the losing team paying for the winners to go put any calories back on that we had managed to shed. With this kind of a reward comes more dedicated defense and rebounding, since those are the things that only require the one skill we had any amount of (hustle). Here is where this story becomes relevant.

Towards the end of the game I had the defensive assignment on the opposing point guard. He had hit a couple of long jumpers, and was slower than most, so I was playing up on him. Around the free throw line extended, a teammate of his set a screen on me. I decided to go under it and at the same time he decided that he would try and come off the screen with a drive to the basket. He changed his mind when he saw me go underneath and he pulled back. I stepped out on him as he tried to square up and reset. This resulted in him apparently tripping over himself and going to the ground. He lost the ball, which I picked up and took down to the other end for a basket. Upon my return to the other end of the court I saw everyone standing around him on the ground. The was holding his kneee and cursing about his knee. When I came into view, the curses were then directed at me. I was a no-good-fill-in-the-blank who had pushed him over when I knew he had bad knees. Neither accusation was true, but nobody else saw what had happened and I was now the bad guy.

He tried to get up and walk it off but it was apparent that something more than a sprain had happened. We would later find out that his surgically repaired knee had failed and he tore his ACL. We went from being freinds at school to him ignoring me and blaming me for his injury. I had no response. I was sorry he had gotten hurt, but I hadn't done anything wrong. He was playing basketball, a potentially rough sport, and wasn't wearing his requisit knee brace. He tried to push the blame onto me or get me to cover some of his medical expenses. How do I respond to that? I was as kind as I could afford, but unfortunately I felt no responsibility and all he got was a couple of lunches out of me.

Now this is a round about way to getting at the question at hand. Is Chris Bosh a soft, whining pansy? Well I was in the shoes of Omer Asik, getting blamed for an injury. How did I feel? Was it justified? I understood that he was mad and that he would incur some expenses because of the injury. But I did feel wrongly accused. Could I have taken it a little easier? Of course. It was a pick-up game after all. Was this kid a pansy for blaming me? Never did that cross my mind. I did feel like he took the blame assignment too far. I think the same can be said of Chris Bosh. I am a homer, but I don't think he is truly worried that an ankle sprain will keep him from providing for his family. I think he said it out of frustration, in the same way my friend blamed me. It is a pansy thing to say, but I don't think Chris Bosh is a pansy.

So, what's it like rooting for a total p*$#!? Well, its pretty good when he is part of a team winning 21 out of 22 games. When they are on a 3 game skid, it gets a bit tougher. Its also easy to disregard anything stupid he might say since he is, at best, 3rd on the depth chart and maybe only 6th on my favorites depth chart. (In case you were wondering, my list goes Wade, Haslem, LeBron, House, Magloire, Bosh, Chalmers, etc.) If he was higher up on either depth chart, it might bother me quite a bit more. I do wish he was more of a "go to work and keep your mouth shut" kind of guy. But in the end, I don't really care that much when he says stupid things.

Fortunately, there are plenty of other guys doing stupid things that I get to be all worked up about.

Canada's Team/End of Season Edition

After losing out to another sub-.500 team for the final playoff spot (paging the league: let's make a .500 cutoff.) and on the brink of losing the only real star on such a disappointing team, Canada has spoken and here are the latest rankings in The Campaign To Become Canada's Team:

1: Vancouver Canucks
2: Ottawa Senators
3: Montreal Canadiens
4-thru-1,000,000: Anybody but the so disappointing Raptors and that includes Toronto's least favorite player Vince Carter's Magic*.
1,000,001: Toronto Raptors







* Don't worry. This is the first and last place you will ever see the Magic belong to Vince Carter. It was solely for clarity's sake.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 13

Team Name: Osh Josh B'Osh
Team Members: Josh Smith and Chris Bosh

Now here's a decent team. But- if we're honest- it's mostly just a funny name.

This pairing was conjured up before the mysterious Bosh injury. But maybe the guy above can take Bosh's spot. He looks tough and athletic.

Besides, his outfit sparked an idea. What if teams showed up to play, not in NBA or necessarily athletic attire, but more like themed costumes. Kind of like WWF meets The Warriors. Seeing Josh Smith and Chris Bosh play ball in overalls could be the best thing since the disaster that was letting the All Stars play in their teams' jerseys.