The Best Versus The Favorite

Walk around Los Angeles over the weekend and you would find an inordinate amount of Kobe Bryant jerseys. Its obvious many of the people are wearing them in support of the Lakers playing in the Finals but what isn't so obvious is why they chose to wear Bryant's jersey over many other more likable Laker's jerseys. Magic, Worthy, Divac, West, Baylor, Van Exel, AC Green, Karl Malone, Mark Madsen, Irwin M Fletcher or even Kurt Rambis. I'd even settle for someone slicking their hair back with Riley Grease of donning some of Jack's amber tinted sunglasses. So why does the majority chose a Kobe jersey over anyone else? Its because he is the best. The debate about whether or not he is the best player in the league is still open, but he is clearly the best player on the Lakers even though he is the least likable. Pau-bacca gives him a run for his money at times, but those are few and far between.

Come with me for a moment as we shift away from the hardwood and put on the headphones. The reason I'd like to explore the topic of best vs favorite isn't another ridiculous Kobe Bryant debate. It has to do with music. Specifically Josh Ritter.

The best song on the newest Josh Ritter album, So Runs The World Away, is undoubtedly The Curse. The lyrics show an acute attention to detail and are constantly folding back on themselves making the song deep and rich. The waltz piano places the story in a time where people who fell in love had a penchant for dancing. The story is unique, unforgettable and timeless. Everything about the song elevates it above the other songs on the album. Yet its not my favorite song, and maybe not even top 3 on that album. (Lantern, Change of Time and Folk Bloodbath are its fiercest competition) So why don't I like the best song on the album? Its nothing personal nor is it a personality trait where I have the undying need to always dislike the best. The Curse just doesn't connect with me like the other aforementioned songs. I can clearly see why it is the best song, but that isn't enough for me. Just like knowing who the best player is doesn't make me join his leagues of fans.

I'm not comparing The Curse to Kobe Bryant. I would never do that to anyone or anything since Kobe has no equal when it comes to loathsomeness. But its an easy, relatable example and I had to tie this back into the NBA Finals somehow. We are a music/sports blog after all and have failed to mention even once that the Lakers and Celtics are playing for all the marbles.

The thing about wearing the best player's jersey or even rooting for the best player, is that often it is the easiest. Its the easiest jersey to find, you know more about that player than any other, you are force fed their highlight reels. This is not always the case with the best songs, unless you stick to top 40 radio. This is also not the case with The Curse. Nobody is making it any easier or harder to like it. It comes down to my own personal choice and preference. It comes down to me choosing my favorites instead of making the best a part of them, and not confusing them.

Clearly this is an issue throughout sports and music. Just look at all the people on the Rajon Rondo bandwagon now. Not that he hasn't had some great moments in the playoffs but are we really forgetting about Deron Williams, Chris Paul, Derrick Rose, Russell Westbrook, Tony Parker, Steve Nash and Derek Fisher that quickly? (one of those is a joke...I'll let you decide) There is no way any of those guys no show in game 1 the way Rondo did. I do think Rondo was one of the funnest games in the NBA and i prefer watching him over a lot of those other guards, but in no way do I think he is the absolute best.

I'm going to start using the word favorite a little bit more and the word best a lot less, and I hope you do too.

Leave The Best One Behind

It happens to me all the time. I get a new album, find a song or two on it I like and then play them to death. Its really a habit I should break because its ruined so many songs for me. Upon getting the newest Retribution Gospel Choir album, I found that the first song, Hide It Away, was far and away my favorite. And it didn't help that it was the first track, making it all too easy to repeat it without hearing anything else. Then I got worried that I might play it to death. Something had to change.

I got in my car one morning and the album was in the cd player. The first song had just finished but I wasn't paying too much attention to that. I just let the album play. A few songs into it, I found my self really liking the rest of what I was hearing. But I mean really liking it. I had given the cd a few plays clear through, but because I loved the first song so much, it made the rest of the songs seem very ordinary and unexciting. But something great happened that morning when the album got a good listen without being in the shadow of the best song. And turns out, the rest of it is even better than I had thought.

That leads me into my next point. Here at TBC, we've been mostly down on LeBron James. Not because he is a bad basketball player, but mostly because we didn't like being force fed hearty helpings of King James everywhere we looked. We, or maybe just me, felt that the hype was vastly over done for a guy so young and relatively unaccomplished. This season, I am starting to have a change of heart. I have seen quite a few Cavs games, though they are hard to miss, and James has definitely taken his game to another level. Its not only effecting his game, but the rest of his team looks phenomenal. He makes JJ Hickson look like the second coming of Scottie Pippen (which he isn't...Hickson will be out of the league a year after he stops playing with LeBron), he makes Boobie Gibson still look like a 12 year old and he makes Shaq (at least for 5 possessions a game) look like Lew Alcindor out there. Nobody else could do that I am convinced. Kobe would chew those guys out to the point that they wouldn't even show up to practice. Wade (as much as it pains me to say this) would get his 20 and then take the rest of the game off.

So it made me think, if you took the best player off all the teams in the league, like I did with the best song off the RGC album, which team would shine the brightest? I would be that Cleveland would not be the first team to come to mind. Or the second, third or the twentieth. This is not a new revelation. Everyone knows LeBron has been on bad teams his whole career but has managed to make them competitive. But there is something about this particular cast of characters playing with him this season that has upped the degree of difficulty, to which he has responded incredibly. And that is why I now buy into LeBron. And the Cavaliers.

48 point games by Vinsanity won't stop them. The athleticism of the Hawks won't either. Neither will KG's wooden leg. Chauncy and the Gang won't get a shot at them. Nor will Deron and his Merry Men. This year will be the matchup everyone wanted last year, Kobe v LeBron. I will stand by this prediction, even though a two year old could see this coming. The difference is, I'm not one to pencil in the favorites.

Big Baby: An Incomplete History of Self-Selected Nicknames

The Celtics quest for 72 is long since over, so let's shift our attention to random Celtic facts. For instance, Big Baby says he's done with that moniker and wants to move on to Uno Uno.

First of all, Uno Uno? Does Glen Davis have latino roots that I've missed? Uno Uno is deadeningly uncreative- it came from a sycophantic journalist, after all.

So let's look at some of the history of people trying to choose their own nicknames, an exercise in futility if ever there were one.

Kobe Bryant//The Black Mamba//only caught on in mockery...the amount of thought he had put into the "strikes with precision and deadliness" aspect is embarrassing.

Radio Shack//The Shack//Do the marketing genii behind this campaign really think they're gonna change public perception? Is Radio Shack beloved enough to anybody to ever get a nickname or even an abbreviation? "Oh yeah, man! I get all my AC adapters at The Shack!" No. Never gonna happen. It reminds me of a girl I knew in college who, while we were on a roadtrip and stopping for lunch, suggested going to "Carl's J." Carl's J? Really? You're gonna abbreviate the "unior" off of that? We started abbreviating every restaurant we saw after that: Taco B, J in the Box, Burger K, El P Loco. You get the idea.

The cast of Jersey Shore//(multiple)//all I want to say is: please let that whole shore just wash into the ocean. Please. If it can happen in hundreds of disaster movies, it has to be somewhat plausible. Please.

Laura Schlesinger//Dr. Laura//not even a doctor, yet this one somehow stuck.

Michael Jackson//The King Of Pop//at least he had a case, once upon a long ago time.

George Costanza//T-Bone//we all know how that went. He eventually became the way-less-awesome Koko.

Prince//unpronounceable symbol//the Purple One gets a pass because it was mostly a ploy to free himself from a record company's grip (imagine if an athlete changed his name just to get out of his contract)...it became "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince" when, really, the dude should've just come up with a new word for how to pronounce the symbol...he eventually went back to Prince

Shaq//The Big Aristotle, The Shaqtus, more//the difference with Shaq is that he recognizes the impermanence of a self-selected nickname and embraces it. He doesn't expect (or want, for that matter) any of the names to stick. It's impressionistic and disposable and he loves it.

The Bilas Bias takes on the Stephen Jackson trade

The Black Converse reached out to college hoops know-it-all and former Dookie Jay Bilas for his take on The Trade That S-Jax Forced. Here's what Bilas said:

"Now there's no denying the athleticism and wild cardology of a player like Stephen Jackson. He gives any team on any given night the chance to compete with his competitivenessation, intangibles, and streaky shooting. Just ask the Spurs and Pacers.

But Jackson wanted out. So what do the Warriors, who would really give any NCAA team a run for their money this year, get in this deal?

Vladimir Radmanovic- the former Laker/Clipper/Sonic (R.I.P) brings some bona fide beardability and a certain out-of-this-world quality. Phil Jackson called him "my favorite martian" and he was right: it's not hard to see real martianicity in Vlad's game. On the flipside, he's been proven to be a liability when it comes to truthiness, snowboardabilities, defense, and shot selection.

Raja Bell- Don Nelson has to be ecstatic with getting Raja, who's had the perfect combination of experience with old codger coaches (Jerry Sloan, Larry Brown) and loosey goosey run-and-gun coaches (D'Antoni). His upside is in his time-tested ability to knock down the following:
-three-pointers
-vegetarian meals
-Kobe Bryant


Thanks, The Black Converse, for giving me the opportunity to put that Duke education in practice with some of these, um, letters and periods and stuff."

Public Displays of Fan-spression

One of the best parts about summer is seeing fellow sports fans out and about with a chance to show off their summer bodies and their loyalty to their favorite teams. Sports jerseys are a funny thing. I loved them in Jr. High, but gave up on them going into high school when I realized I was the only one who knew who Russell #6 was for Boston.
In the era of wild free agency, purchasing a jersey is like playing roulette. You are better off with anything that only sports the team logo, which is why baseball caps are so popular. As much as I like seeing jerseys, I like trying to figure out the story behind why it was being worn. Here are a few from the summer thus far.

#34 Milwaukee Bucks Ray Allen
Way to stick with it, but of course you had to because you bought the $200 dollar authentic jersey. And its purple. I would guessing you think He Got Game is the best movie of this year. Just count your lucky stars they were out of Big Dog Robinson jerseys when you made your purchase.

#9 USA Michael Jordan
A pretty good choice but only the second best jordan jersey in my opinion. The best is the one with Chicago written in cursive letters, also known as the one from THE Dunk Contest.

#32 Phoenix Suns Shaquille O'Neal
I thought Steve Kerr would be the last one to stop wearing his Shaq Suns jersey. Side note: Another authentic error.

#8 Black Lakers Kobe Bryant
Not really sure what to think here. It made me mad at first, then I realized he probably spent close to $200 on it, then spent another $30 on black Dickies shorts to match. Good call on the white socks though.
I am not the loser on this one.

NBA Finals Wrap Up

Okay so this is about a week and a half late. Who really cares besides the 90,000 fans in the Rose Bowl? And don't we need a little NBA to keep us going until the Draft? I mostly want to reiterate a few things that Spike brought up and ramble about a few other things that were a bit overlooked amongst all the "First Without Shaq" hype.

1. Phil Jackson. Great Coach. He is an opportunist but I will finally admit that he has earned the right to be such. And as long as he doesn't get too Brett Favre on us every offseason (oh wait...that has already happened EVERY YEAR for the last who knows how many) he can wear all ten rings around any time he chooses. We'll let time tell us if he will have to consult the great Bill Russell on where to wear the 11th.

2. Kobe Bryant. The Best Front Runner. He got his, first without Shaq. First with Gasol. Thats how I am referring to it. The most dominant Euro big man since Sabonis. A two time All Star, Rookie of the Year, Silver Medalist. The guy is good. Good enough to carry LA to the Playoffs without Kobe, but if I recall, there was a year before they got Pau when Kobe couldn't shoulder the load. Let us also remember this. If KG isn't injured, Kobe is watching the Celtics parade up and down the Back Bay for the second straight year. And if the Cavs would have pulled the trigger on Shaq in February, LeBron and Lil Dez would be hitting the late night circuit as we speak. (Side note: The Cavs are now in talks to acquire Shaq. Let me be the first to say that this is about 6 months too late. Shaq played his best ball of the last 3 years to finish out the 08-09 season and he most likely will not be doing an encore for 82 more games. They should have bought high. Find me a Cavs fan who, given the choice, would take Wally and Ben Wallace's broken leg instead of The Shaq Attack.) He is still the only NBA player immortalized here.

3. Best NBA Players of All Time (Top 10) Jordan, Russell, Wilt, Bird, Magic, Oscar, Kareem, Julius, Shaquille, Duncan.

4. Orlando Magic. Lets say you are in charge of PR for an NBA franchise. And said franchise has a dark spot on its not so storied history involving missed free throws in a clutch moment of an NBA Finals game. Would you invite that player back as part of a pre game celebration before the first game on your home court? And a follow up, would you expect it to not make a mental impact on the current team? Well guess what...

The Finals were great. Two overtime games and another that hung in the balance as time wound down. I could have easily been Orlando in 5 as it was LA in 5.

So I guess we should just hit the gym and start counting down.

Finals, pt. Over

No one's gonna start MVP chants for me; that much is assured. Which oughta keep some of the pressure off me as I try to step up and give my team the W, unlike- say- Dwight Howard at the charity stripe in crunchtime and the brilliant citizens of Orlando.

No one's gonna call me Mr. Clutch either, though. I'm not nailing gamewinners here. I still think the Rambis parallel from the last post is probably the best, most accurate description. I'm just trying to make some hustle plays while the stars catch their breath.

Enough about me. The Finals are over. And two things are written in stone:

1. Kobe has four rings, one without Shaq.

2. Phil Jackson has more championships than the legendary Red Auerbach.

I'm not stating anything groundbreaking, that hasn't been spit out, regurgitated, analyzed, thesaurused, re-analyzed, counter-analyzed, plagiarized, cleverly reworded, and re-regurgitated a billion times by the story-starved media (the best and maybe most honest article of which- at least that I read- is here). They're just the stark, unavoidable facts.

This is the part where- to give context- I have to confess to my anti-Lakerhood. Even though, I grew up a fan (after the Jazz) of Magic, Worthy, Byron Scott, Kareem, Cooper, Rambis, Mychal Thompson, etc. But, if I could do it over again, you know who I'd like? The Celtics. They had less flash, more soul, more Bird. But how do you tell that to a 4th grader in Utah who wants to see no look passes and is too hoop-immature to grasp exactly what makes Bird ridiculously once-in-a-lifetime? Thank goodness for ESPN Classic where, even if I can't change the outcome, I can revise MY history.

Is it jealousy? Maybe. But I think it's just that the post-Magic Laker teams have not been all that likable. Kobe. Van Exel. Vlade. Vujacitch. Rick Fox. Elden Campbell. The only one close to winning Miss Congeniality in that list is Sasha. And the only thing that makes him more likely than the other guys is the fact that he's a bitch.

Still, to complicate matters, I inexplicably rooted for the Lake Show when Gary Payton and Karl Malone joined. Shaq, despite the fact that I was rooting for him, would've called me a frontrunner. But I wanted The Mailman to get the monkey (and media) off his back. And he came within a fluke knee injury (I mean. Come on. That guy was a picture of pure health for his whole career, played through injuries all the time...what are the chances?) of getting one.

Speaking of monkeys, let's get back to the present. Kobe got the Can't Win Without Shaq monkey off his back. Plain and simple. I wished he wouldn't. But he did. I rooted against him in every situation except those outlined by Charlie T. But he's officially in the One Of The Bests (note the plural, please, no singular) conversation, no matter how many times I pinch myself.

Same with The Zenmeister. Folks can point to the luck of the draw, the talent closet he was choosing from, but the guy wins. The difference here is that Phil has entered the The Best conversation. I wanted that conversation to always end up at Red, I'll admit that. But there is nothing but room for debate. And Phil isn't done. Can the Lakers do it again? Does it matter? Will Phil somehow end up coaching LeBron? I wouldn't say it's impossible.

Because if we've learned anything from the last couple years it's

ANYTHING IS POSSIBBBBUUUULLLLLL!

Pre Finals Preparations, 300 edition

Cast

Sparta: The Orlando Magic
They have the new and different way of playing (heavy on 3pt shooting) much like the unique Phalanx Formation of the Greeks.

King Leonidas: Stan Van Gundy (not because of stature, but because of yelling power)
Queen Gorgo: Dwight Howard (always concerned with his team getting the proper support from the nation)
Dilios: Hedo Turkoglu (it couldn't hurt his to have an eye patch and I see him telling the story of these Finals someday to a small village in Turkey)
Ephialtes: This role is still open for casting. It could be Rafer if he decides to betray the Magic with some erratic play, it could be Jameer if his injury/recovery proves to disrupt the Magic rotation or it could be Otis Smith, the Magic GM, who gave away Trevor Ariza to the Lakers for nothing (assuming Ariza becomes a crucial part to stopping the 3pt barrage). It could also be Tiger Woods who has Magic season tickets but LOVES the Lakers.

Persia: The Los Angeles Lakers

Xerxes: Who else but Kobe Bryant (there is none other more vain and arrogant than he)

The rest of Persia is anyone else on the Lakers, in Laker Nation, jumping on the Kobe Top Ten Players of All Time Bandwagon, anyone that despises Orlando for any reason (that includes you, basketball purists). There are a lot more of them than Magic Fans.

So, Stan Van Gundy, seeing that its going to be a difficult series, climbs to the top of Mount Lee (behind the Hollywood Sign) to once again pay his dues to the 3pt gods and ask for 6 more games of effectiveness. The 3pt gods consist of Steve Kerr, Reggie Miller, Craig Hodges, Mario Elie, Glen Rice, Mark Price, Dale Ellis, Tim Legler and the Magic's own Dennis Scott. These guys sit around all day and watch highlights of themselves shooting 3pt shots and arguing who is better. So SVG offers up all he has, some gray sport coats and black mock turtle necks in exchange for 45%+ shooting. The council debates and says yes, but as SVG heads back down into the Hollywood hills, Phil Jackson steps out with the entire squad of Laker Girls, handing one off to each council member and laughs creepily as some lightning crashes behind him.

So to battle they go at the Staples. SVG confident in his game plan that has worked for 3 straight series (arguably the toughest road of anyone to the Finals) They give LA a tough game but fall in the end of Game 1. Xerxes barely breaks a sweat though because for some inexplicable reason Derek Fisher has returned to 2001 form, Ariza is lights out and as a team they make 10 of 12 3's.

Orlando takes the second game in another tight one, but it only angers Xerxes who vows to send his elites to Orlando to dispose of them. Orlando prevails against the first wave, winning game 3, but is so beaten down that the series goes back to LA with the Lakers leading 3-2. Again Xerxes is still sitting on his throne, accepting all the praise. At this point it is becoming obvious that the 3pt gods are not with Orlando as they are shooting 22%.

The only thing keeping them in is Dwight going for 40 and 20 a night while 6 Lakers hang all over him. Going back to LA he knows he has to lobby for aid. He makes his case to the league by showing highlights of his embarrassing stunts in the dunk contests, his efforts in the Olympics, and taking a pass by Shaq between his legs during the All Star game. The league debates and decided that if he will sell himself out to Nike, so they can finally have a replacement roommate for Puppet Kobe, that they will turn the tide.

Dwight and the Spartans are confident with two games let to play that it will be a Magic victory. And in game 6 it is. But Xerxes is still yet to exert himself. In game 7 he comes down from his throne and wipes everyone out; Lakers, Magic, fans, Jack, Los Angeleans, Mickey Mouse...everyone. He relishes the bloodshed and his happiness grows with each kill. And once the game is over and he has his 4th trophy he yells out "I told you I could do it on my own...I told you I didn't need andy help...Hey Shaq, How this taste?" But only then does he realize that he has destroyed everyone, that there is nobody left to worship him after his victory. Filled with sadness, Xerxes turns and faces west, and slowly walks out to into the ocean until he has disappeared.

Pre Finals Preparations, Injury Report

With player's health playing into much of the chatter going into the big opener, we thought we would give you the straight story on the important injuries.

Dwight Howard (respect) is recovering and should be at full strength by tip off.

Jameer Nelson (shoulder) doesn't matter. Two words: Fisher and Farmar.

Kobe Bryant (ego) is completely healthy.

Magic Johnson (stroking Kobe's ego) is day to day as long as he doesn't actually believe what he says.

Mo Williams (eye) hurts a lot more now.

Danny Ferry (anxiety) is seeking a specialist in New York.

Nick Anderson (memory) is haunting him a little more than usual.

Stan Van Gundy (Laryngitis) is cleared to yell again.

Phil Jackson (frankensteinitis) just took a lightning bolt to the head. Should be good to whistle for a couple more games now.

Rafer Alston (ego + playing time) is looking over his shoulder.

LA and Orlando (fans) are sure there is something going on at the arena but not quite clear on what. Better go find out.

Pre Finals Preparations, MVPuppets Edition

I have loved the Most Valuable Puppet commercials. Some of the moments in those commercials are among my favorite Playoff moments. Here are a few:

Lil Dex to LeBron: You've got over 20 triple doubles, can I have one?

LeBron to Kobe (after answering the phone call from Mrs. Lewis): She said...YOU AIN'T GOT NO DEFENSE.

Kobe to LeBron (while he is parading around throwing chalk in the air): Why do we live together?

Lil Dex to Kobe: Kobe, Why you shave your 'fro? Are you more aerodynamic now?

Kobe to LeBron (on the phone long distance to each other right after Game 6, LeBron is in Orlando and Kobe in the apartment): Mrs. Lewis said you can share a room with Lil Dex until you get your own place.

My only hope now is that we don't get bombarded with Puppet commercials featuring only Kobe. The success was in the Puppet Roommate Chemistry. (If only Dwight Howard had signed with Nike) Turkoglu would be an awesome new roommate for Puppet Kobe. It might turn out a little like this show (though Kobe would have to grow out his 'fro again). They could cut to scenes of LeBron having dinner with Mrs. Lewis and Lil Dex, LeBron not being able to sleep at night because Hedo and Kobe and playing one-on-one. This could be really great.

Playoff Musings, Breakfast at Sulimay's Edition

The internet is a bottomless mine of creative and interesting things. Here is the latest thing I've found that I wish I would have though of first (via Stereogum). This is a group of candid old folks somewhere near Philadelphia who are given new music and whole-heartedly critique it. They share the same feelings on Animal Collective as yours truly, some love for universal blog darling Bon Iver, mixed opinions on hip-hop and a generally honest assessment of the music. Although the reviews are only based on 30 second clips, it still worth wasting a half hour or so seeing these old people cut through the hype/crap and call it as it is.

In the same vein of the aforementioned breakfast troupe, I am going to try and cut through some of the lingering hype of this years playoffs.

First of all, I think Dwight Howard is right. I wouldn't have said it at the first of the post season because the only previous hype he had gotten was over some ridiculous Dunk Contest theater. But as we stand today, I agree whole heartedly. (WARNING: He could drop a big turd sandwich the rest of the series and I would immediately do a 180 and give him the two word review for Spinal Tap's album Shark Sandwich.)

Second, we have briefly mentioned on here before the over use of the word CLOSER in the playoffs this year. It makes for a nice surface deep cross-over term from baseball, but what is a closer? In baseball its the guy you bring in when you are ahead in the 8th or 9th inning. So, your closer is your best front runner, your best pitcher for 3 to 6 outs when you are ahead. So if we cross over without changing the meaning, Kobe is the best front runner in the game. I am no expert on Kobe Bryant, but I think many people would agree that he is the best at playing from ahead. Last nights blow out is a perfect of example of him being terrible at playing from behind, which would only solidify him as a front runner. But here is the question; isn't everyone better playing with the lead as opposed to playing from behind or in close games? (On a side note, Kobe had a non-awkward moment last night, just to see what it was like.)

This brings me to my next point. Stats. In baseball we track hitting with runners in scoring position (on second or third base), so shouldn't we track players performance in close moments of games? It could be broken down to certain scenarios; down 20+, down 15-20, down 9-15, down 4-8, down 3 to up 3, up 4-8, up 9-15, up 15 to 20 and up 20+. To me that would be most telling of a players value on the court. Do they still play as hard, make correct decisions or take good shots as they are falling behind? I think you would find, if these stats existed, that coaches could coach better, by playing guys in the right situations. JR Smith is a good example. Great when its not a close game. Paul Pierce is great at making comebacks. Chauncey Billups on the other hand seems to play better in tight games. Now these are only gut feelings. Some stats would really tell the tale.

Back to Billups. He has to love playing the Lakers going clear back to the '04 Finals, when him and the New Bad Boys dismantled the Laker Dynasty. How many Nuggets games do you thing Joe Dumars has watched this post season? Do you thinks its more than Iverson has watched? I for one have watched almost all of them. And I have never been more impressed with the guy who used to sport the zig-zag shaved in part in his eraser head flattop. He seems to always make the right decisions, has just as big of a killer instinct as the Black Snake, and has a believable smile.

And a few random observations.

When was the last time Jeff Van Gundy Slept?
He has reached the Emperor Palpatine level of bags under his eyes.

Is it just me or does Phil Jackson look like Frankenstein on the sidelines in his extra large chair and lack of rotation in his neck?

Playoff Musings, Masterpiece Theater Edition

Sometimes it seems like plot lines for movies just get recycled over and over. So much so at times that the movie can't even hold our interest until the end because it becomes so predictable. Add a little bit of bad acting and you probably don't even finish watching it. That is usually the NBA Playoffs in a nutshell. The same tired story of the powerhouses free-throwing their way through the playoffs with little exception of unsuspected drama or conflict. And when there is conflict, it usually only makes things worse, i.e. the Phoenix Suspensions.

This year, beyond the Kobe Vs. LeBron bologna (the guys have only played head to head 11 times in 6 years, and both players have scored over 30 in the same game TWICE, so I don't know how they are even thinking bout comparing them to Bird and Magic when they played each other 36 times and 17 of them were in the Finals not to mention the 1979 NCAA Championship) there is quite the intriguing Conference Finals going on. And not only does the drama of each game hold you until the final buzzer, the cast of characters is as diverse as it is unsuspected.

Who would have thought Ariza would steal two inbounds passes in almost identical fashion to ice close games in the closing seconds? Who would have thought Turkoglu would be knocking down serial killer 3 pointers in Cleveland with LeBron on his jock? Who would have thought that Orlando could have been going home up 2-0 and Denver as well? The average margin of victory so far; 4.6 points (and thats after some end of game fouling that gave the Lakers a 6 point win which should have only been 2 or 3).

So not only is this playoff theater unsuspected, but it is surprisingly good. I'll put the conspiracy theories aside and just enjoy the fact that we have a competitive playoffs because it just doesn't happen that often.

Speaking of surprisingly good, this guy surprised the heck out of me. You might recognize him from this. (I always thought the BS Report intro sound bites were some impersonation of George W)

I have one final question; how come nobody is ever able to get Jordan to weigh in on comparisons to his career, the current landscape of players in the league or even the Playoffs?

Playoff Musings, Conference Finals

THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE THE PLAYOFFS
Yes, you probably already knew all this. But it's news to me.

THERE IS ACTUALLY A SCENARIO IN WHICH I'LL ROOT FOR CARMELO ANTHONY. WHO KNEW?
The one and only scenario, not involving the Olympics or terrorists and potential harm to my loved ones, is when Carmelo is playing against Kobe. With the exception of TeeMak, who doesn't make the cut simply because we only count players who have played in the second round, these are probably my two least favorite players in the NBA. Maybe ever. But let me go the record here: GO 'MELO. KICK THE CRAP OUT OF THAT SCOWLING, PREENING MAMBA. Happy?

ORLANDO IS ALMOST AS LEGIT AS BARKLEY SAYS AND- IN THE WORDS OF THEIR OWN COACH- CERTAINLY TOO LEGIT TO QUIT.
I doubted the Magic. I like Howard, but he's a FT liability in the crunch. I like Lewis, but his smooth shot (and it is smooooooth) is more than a little overpaid (not sure anybody in Orlando feels that way after last night). They lost their all-star caliber PG. The bench seemed shallow. Stan Van seems a little uneven to me. So I wasn't really onboard.
They may only win Game 1, but I have to say that that's a real team. They kept digging in, especially Turkoglu who looked like a sloppier, white Magic Johnson last night, right down to the big smile after timeouts. You'll see the Cavs do some stomping in Game 2, but it won't be because the Magic aren't legit. The Cavs just might, when they're angry, be legitter.

KENNY SMITH MIGHT NOT BE THE SMOOTH OPERATOR PERSONALITY THAT HE SEEMS TO BE CULTIVATING
Did anyone else see in the postgame when he got visually bugged because he didn't get his printouts in time? Chill, baby. You're flanked by talkers galore. Your job is secure. Don't blow all the Mellow Dude Equity you've built up. It was like seeing Jack Johnson put on combat boots, a leather duster, and start spitting bullets all across the North Shore.

Musings des Playoffés, Conference Finalés

Boston ran out of gas somewhere in the second half of Game 6 and now we have my 4 least favorite playoff teams still in it; LA, Denver, Orlando and Cleveland. Now the great mental debate is to figure out which of those teams is the lesser of the evils. I can't go with LA and even less after the Spike Lee mockumentary. Denver was winning my heart over a little with some Billups, being paired up against the Lakers, and Carmelo losing his cornrows and baby fat, but they are still the Nuggets. Orlando has the worst jerseys still in play. And Cleveland has all the hype and the overflowing bandwagon. I don't really know how to keep interest in these playoffs now. And to top it off, there are now TWO Kobe/LeBron commercials after the Nike Muppets showed up. We all know what that means. The Conference Finals are a formality.

All these things stacked against me left me looking for something to grab on to. Then it hit me, if a McCafé can make work that much better, then maybe it will make these playoffs better. So lets look at last nights game through McCafé-eyes and see if it helps.

Before the game we had the Draft Lotteré. Highlights there included the Larry Bird Face (as seen here), Stern giving the stiff arm during the pre-lottery interview, a Chris Webber we-just-got-screwed-but-I-shouldn't-have-expected-different laugh and the best was the hand shakes between the the final three.

First of all we no longer have Kobe or Nene, but Kobé and Nené. The latter was solid for three quarters and turned into a lost fourth grader in the last quarter. The former had the opposite type of game thanks to the officiating manage-a-trois.

We had a little Chauncé making some big shots. But it was only a little. Perhaps one of the most perplexing story lines of the playoffs is how the terrible Lakers PGs don't get killed every night. Sure they let Williams have some good games, but he wasn't as dominant as he should have been. Lil' Chris Rock could only torch them every other game. And shouldn't Chauncé have had 30-15?

Next we had Uglé. Formerly known as Ugly and before that he was known as Pau Gasol. He somehow had more offensive rebounds than the big, crazy Brazilian Nené. As long as the smaller Uglé is pushing around the beast of Nené, we are in for a lot more post-tip-in primal screams.

Carmelo Anthoné. Gosh he played good last night. But even with that and some McCafé I still can't do the Anthoné.

Can anyone explain to me how, when Odomé and Birdmané were spooning on the floor and Odomé was the big spoon, it could have been considered a jump ball? That was the beginning of the hosé job and a sign of things to come.

Shame On Me: Vol I or Let's See How Far We've Come

Shame On Me, the newest recurring topic on The Black Converse, aims to get to the root of two core TBC beliefs: 1) It's the song that matters, meaning a good song is a good song, no matter who sings, wrote, likes, blogs about it, slogs it, is in its video; 2) Everyone is allowed some guilty (in this case: frowned upon by indie rock blogoscenti) pleasures that- when no one else is in the car (and, in brazen moments, when the car's full)- you don't change the station, maybe even sing along. Kind of like rooting for Kobe in the Olympics.

We'll explore what, for us, those songs/players are and why a) we like them and b) we know we shouldn't.

VOL. I
Matchbox 20- How Far We've Come

WHY I SHOULDN'T
- It's 3 AM, they must be sucky.
Their list of crimes against humanity (not to mention charges of being The Poor Man's Counting Crows, Wussier Edwin McCain, and The Guy Who Wrote That Crappy Santana Comeback song) is endless. Besides this song, I can't think of another Matchbox 20 song I'd go near with 15 terrible Santana PRS guitars.

- Two words: Rob Thomas.
His solo record is so terribly tailored for dumb, saccharine radio, for taking us in and out of commercials on Entertainment Tonight, for pleasing at least 72% of all focus groups in selected target demographics. People should stop insulting Adam Duritz by comparing him to this dude. Say what you will about the last handful of Counting Crows albums, but there's no way in hell Duritz would sell out to the popcrapstic degree that Mr. Thomas did. Every note feels like an autotuned clone from the same Photoshop lab that brought us Fergie and Nick Lachey. It's like watching (arguably) good-looking people do math.


- Rob Didn't Start The Fire.
I googled "How Far We've Come" and read about the video, which is apparently one of those big Billy Joel Didn't Start The Fire-ish laundry lists of shots that are culturally relevant and compelling. For example, just the bookends: the civil rights movement -> Obama. Ugh. I shed a tear on election day and still I will not watch it, Sam I Am. You can almost see the guys inputting the formula for most licensing opportunities...did I mention this seems like mathematic songwriting? I've heard Rivers Cuomo has an actual equation.

-"Exile On Mainstream?"
Really, guys? 9 out of 10 gynecologists recommend your music and you're gonna try to throw a Stones reference in there? Yeah, I get that you're playing the "We Don't Get Props Because We Write Hits" martyr card. But come on. Wasn't there a Lionel Richie album you could borrow from? PS: Liz Phair did it before and better than you with Exile On Guyville.

- The B-Sides.
Supposedly, the single features the band doing their version of the Black Crowes' "Remedy" and Bowie's "Modern Love." I will pass, thank you. No, really, thank you.

- The Lyrics.
Leonard Cohen it's not. Try it on for size and see its anthemic generalities and vague desperation/dissatisfaction almost move you. Almost.

WHY I LIKE IT
Maybe this is a bad way to categorize, because, man, I just like it. I do. I listen to it EVERY TIME IT COMES ON. Stereogum is welcome to come on over here and revoke any indie credentials I may have once had. (But first they'll have to stop pretending that Billy Corgan news is relevant. Those are my conditions.)

- Two more words: Rob Thomas.
I read an interview once, that unfortunately I couldn't dig up online, where Mr. Thomas talked about how bummed out it made him when he realized that Matchbox 20 was the band every other band liked to crap on. He gets some points for being self-aware enough to see and acknowledge that. And even more points when he followed it up by saying, "I guess Creed is my Matchbox 20." (For all of you thinking, "No way, Spike. I can't name a worse band than Matchbox 20," I believe Rob has done the research for you.) For all the flogging every other band and I give them, Mr. Thomas knows hooks. And this song's got hooks like Kareem.

- America's Newest Hitmakers. Speaking of hooks, in the Why I Shouldn't section above, I railed against how Mr. Thomas' solo record was Exhibit A in writing for radio, writing for media placement, riding trend waves, etc. This song is no different. If you ask me, Matchbox 20 sat down and said, "We should write a song like The Killers with some Arcade Fire," except for mainstream radio. (Not that the Killers will ever have to bear the albatross of being indie, but I don't think I have to do a dissertation on the stratification of mainstream) Anthemic, manic, driving, fist-pumping shouty choruses, etc. U2 has been mining the youth movements for a few albums now. Why can't the Matchboxes? Even the normally grating delivery of Mr. Thomas (our whipping boy, or Scott Stapp, if you will) is more than appropriate.

- The lyrics + the melody. Crap. I cannot condone this brand of Vaguely Anthemic 101 at Coldplay University lyrics. But I'll be darned if they don't con me into singing along everytime it gets to: "if you got someone you can SAY GOOD BYE TO..." Good writers marry the lyrics to the melody and this song does that really well, even if the words on paper read like a Clippers media guide.

- The bridge. I should hate everything about it, but somehow I kind of dig the way Mr. Thomas delivers the bridge in that weird, i don't know, is he brooding voice? It should bug me, right? And there I am, halfway hoping it doesn't end. And the guitars are good. And you know exactly where it's going. But you go there anyway. WILLINGLY.

- The horn part on If You're Gone. I know it's not even this song. But it's kind of money and I felt like, while I was confessing, I might as well lay it on the priest.

When Can I Trust Kobe?

ESPN's Streak For Cash has taken hold of us here at The Black Converse. If you haven't done it don't start unless you are prepared to become addicted.

Sometimes the propositions seem obvious, but sometimes the sure bets are anything but that. Exhibit 1: Kobe Bryant. Both Spike and myself have put our streak on the shoulders of Mr. Bryant only to be completely and utterly let down. I have been the victim thrice, Spike twice and in discussing yesterday's choices this conversation came up.

If you can't trust Kobe on a Streak For Cash pick, when can you trust him? And more importantly, when would you want to trust him? (the latter is probably how most real sports fans feel due to Kobe's loathsome persona)


Spike: I root for Kobe in precious few moments:
- the Olympics
- maybe against LeBron
- just to piss you off against the Heat
- if he is the only chance a loved one has of living
- against isiah thomas

Charlie T.: Those are understandable moments. I root for Kobe when:
- He has 40+ at halftime and I want to see if he will gun the whole second half
- he is playing the Nuggets, Rockets, Cavs, Knicks, Mavs, Magic, and any other team that is above the Heat in the standings
- He is on the Olympic team

Spike: - I'm playing my nephew in NBA 2003 and he's the Spurs and I'm the Lakers
- I've invented a time machine and i'm back in his early years and he airballs those shots at the Delta Center. I want him to make maybe one of them, just so he'll take it a little less shoulderchipped on the future Jazz.
- his wife makes her next threat to leave him (in a poorly veiled effort to get more bling) and he lets the digger go
- the next generation of hip hop superduper hoop studs comes along and want to upend the old guard. I want him to stomp them down like the little ponies they are.
- when he tries to remake the car-jumping clip in 5 years when his legs lose their spring. i hope he still makes it. or just jumps over a mini cooper.
- when China takes over and the only way they will let the U.S. maintain some degree of sovreignty is if Kobe/Kurt Rambis can defeat Yao/Yi

Charlie T.: - when he is rapping with Tyra Banks...because I want him to rap better than her so she becomes the butt of the jokes and gets her due.
- ANYTIME the countries safety/sovereignity is on the line. (for some reason he is someone you feel like you can lean on with all your weight and he'll deliver) (unless it is the NBA Finals...then you don't want anything resting on him)

Spike: - when they play the first game in space and Sasha Vujacic is about to get the first in-space dunk. I will root for him to SWAT HIS OWN TEAM so the Russians can't win.

Charlie T.: - ANYTIME there is an opportunity to bitchslap Vujacic.
- when he has the chance to make Luke Walton cry during a timeout.

Spike: - when he's diving for a loose ball out of bounds and can nail Ashton Kutcher in the manparts if he'll just lift his knee THIS much...
- when the outcome of whatever he's doing will cause outrage within Mark Cuban.

As you can see, we don't hate Kobe. We root for him. We want him to do well...sometimes.

Re: Mixtape, Pt. I

In High Fidelity, we get this bit of Hornbian wisdom:

"...Making a tape is like writing a letter. There's a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again. A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You've got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention, and then you've got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can't have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music, and you can't have two tracks by the same artist side by side, unless you've done the whole thing in pairs and...oh, there are loads of rules."

In an unveiled stab at coverting me to the Church of Our Lord of Loops, Polysyllabicism, & Birds Named Andy, Charlie T. gave me a mixtape. Actually a "mix CD" but that just doesn't sound right. To aged brontosauri like myself, they'll always be mixtapes. You could embed digital media on playable piece of salami and I'd still call it a mixtape.

Making/receiving a mixtape is tricky business. Clearly, the simplest transaction is between two love interests- the goal of which is to either a) help the person fall in love with you, b) create a soundtrack to your relationship, c) introduce them to good music while giving them a little something to read between the lines that you may or may not be ready to come out and say just yet, d) narrow down that ever elusive "Our Song," or e) all of the above. That I'm aware of, Charlie T is not making passes at me, so we can eliminate that right off the bat.

Once you're past the sweet simplicity of a love-based mixtape, your options are endless. Are you just trying to get somebody into the music you like? Do you even know what they like? Does it matter? Is your idea of how to sequence a mixtape anywhere near theirs? Do you believe in mixtape rules? Does it have a theme? Does it have to have a theme? Is artwork necessary? Do you try to maximize the space on the cd? Or are you disciplined enough to believe in the power of "6 Songs That Fit Together Perfectly? This line of questioning could go on for days. But I think my drift is caught. Charlie T made me a (in full disclosure, this is the second and better) mixtape. Like I said earlier, part of it was Andrew Bird Proselytization. Listening was rewarding and an interesting study in what different (but, I think we would both admit, pretty similar) people look for in a mixtape.

It's also a bit of a tricky task reviewing a mixtape because you readers- unless your tastes align perfectly with Charlie T's- don't have all the songs. And we're not yet up to posting zip files and the like. Go find them on iTunes or eMusic. Oh well. Let's dive in. Here's my review/reaction/whatever.

TRACK 1: Knotty Pine- David Byrne & Dirty Projectors
At 1st listen, I wasn't really feeling this song. But 2nd and 3rd and 8th listens have endeared it to me. Byrne + Projectors could not = anything but quirky. The quirk delivers. An interesting choice for the all-crucial, pacesetter of Track 1.
SPIKE RULE: Kick it off with a song that the recipient isn't familiar with but you are almost entirely sure they'll want to come back to.
Ask Hornby: you gotta kick it off with a killer. This song wasn't a no-brainer for me, but then maybe Charlie T is working on a different set of hipster rules that my low indie pay grade doesn't give me access to. If it didn't floor me, it at least intrigued me as to where this mixtape was gonna take/drag/fly me.

TRACK 2: Buenos Aires Beach- War On Drugs
The epiphany, the moment of truth, the beautiful bomb (war reference half-intentional) struck precisely at the 2 Minute Mark. For a song that's 3 1/2 minutes long, that's keeping your virtue longer than most, more insecure (and more radio-ready) pop songs do. But when the band drops "the moment" on you, it's like that scene in all those terrible teen movies where suddenly the protagonist discovers that the best friend has hidden charms and, oh my, SHE'S SMOKING HOT WITHOUT HER GLASSES ON! I knew I was supposed to like War On Drugs; Craig Finn told me so. This particular song is a good lo-fi ramble. I left my Hippie Psychedelic-->English dictionary in the car, so the lyrics aren't sinking in yet. A little like Bob Dylan (stream of consciousness/poetry lyrics and quirky delivery) with 13th Floor Elevators (ramshackle) and whatever indie band I'm supposed to namedrop here.
SPIKE RULE: Track 2 should almost always be better than Track 1 so as to give the listener a sense that this is A-Game, not D-League. I believe you can tell a lot about an album by its Track 2. (Track 7s are also telling, but we'll save that for another day.) Anyone can stick their Big Gun at #1. But what else have you got?
Apparently, the War On Drugs.

TRACK 3: As Tall As Cliffs- Margot and the Nuclear So-And-Sos
In my judgmental heart and ears, I thought I knew what M&NSS would sound like (indie jamband maybe? emo-disguised-as-power-pop?) . I was wrong, thank goodness. This was the first track that I pushed repeat on. I love it.
SPIKE RULE: If the listener hasn't found a song that they can't WAIT to get back to by Track 5, you have failed.

TRACKS 4 & 5: Fitz & Dizzspells/Tenousness- Andrew Bird
Here we have the crux of the mixtape. Its very reason for existing. Charlie T knows I have some rather potent anti-hipster/anti-hype prejudice against Mr. Bird. He also knows that I am willing to be wrong (as I was when I finally got past the hype and learned to love Arcade Fire, The National, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah....the list is longer) Charlie T shows his hand relatively early and I can respect somebody who gets to the point. They are unfortunately weighted with the expectation of a guy like Darko, who didn't ask to be drafted so high in an otherwise incredible draft and then was saddled with colossal expectations.

I will say these things about these particular Andrew Bird songsand move on, as I don't want to belabor the point of the mixtape and can't possibly give them anything remotely near the pulpit-pounding conversion story that might sell. Thoughts:
:: Hearing him in my headphones is much preferred to trying to like him while dodging a parade of posing (and talky) hipsters.
:: I can't decide if I love or hate the wordiness. Lots of syllables. I can respect a literary bent. I just don't know if I appreciate or resent this one.
:: I also can't decide if the wordiness is art for art's sake or if he's trying to really get something across in traditional poetry form. I do, after consulting with Charlie T, know that his NY Times songwriting blog puts him in a very favorable, creative, thinker light.
:: I do know that I love the line (and its delivery) "Can't stand to stand, can't stand to sit, and who would want to know this?" So maybe the previous bulleted point is moot.
:: The music is very, very good. After taking passes on Armchair Apocrypha and the one about the eggs, maybe I have...finally....(spit it out) come around to Andrew Bird. (Fittingly, on an album that all the hipsters would say is not his best and on and on. I love the hipster backlash.)

TRACK 6: Mobile Parts 1 and 2- Glenn Kotche
SPIKE RULE: Challenge the listener at least once, if it won't disrupt the theme or flow too much. Take them out of their comfort zone.
I'm a huge Wilco fan. Of course I am sold. But the instrumentality of this makes it an outlier, but a smart one (with its melodicism and Wilco connection). The last minute is a little too much for me, though. I suppose a love of my eardrums hurts my ability to appreciate it. But 5 out of 6 minutes ain't bad.

TRACKS 7 & 8: Knuckles/For Boston- The Hold Steady
Also a huge Hold Steady fan, as we've documented with our Stay Positive joint review. Knuckles' narrator is so great- that pathetic Kobe-esque "You can call me Black Mamba" self-proclamation that continually fails is great, great writing. The parallel of the names he's trying to be called versus the names he's getting called is pure storytelling. Maybe Andrew Bird could take a narrative lesson.

WANTS: Freddy Knuckles IS: Right Said Fred
WANTS: Freddy Mercury IS: Right Said Fred
WANTS: Sunny D IS: Five Alive (even better because he professes to have offed 5 people, but people know he's all talk)
WANTS: Johnny Rotten IS: Freddy Fresh

I lived in Boston for about a half year once. So For Boston is nice. "Heaven is a place you can never find your cigarettes." The Hold Steady will have to make an awfully crappy record for me to turn on their playing and Craig's writing. It would require an Isiah Thomas Caliber killer.

TRACKS 9: Salome- Old 97's
I am in the rare (and much maligned) school that prefers solo Rhett Miller (with Jon Brion) to the Old 97's. I catch some heat, but, hey, I think the songs and production are better. I probably like this one because it feels like a song that could be on The Instigator.

TRACK 10: Part- Trent Belnap
You are allowed to have pet artists that you unabashedly push. It's part of being a music fan. You take every chance to spread the gospel of ____ to whoever will listen. Recipients of your mixtapes know that, somewhere in there, they're gonna get a taste of ___.
SPIKE RULE: Keep indulgences to a minimum. It's your mixtape, but you've gotta be considerate of your audience. So, yeah, indulge a little. But be wary as to where and when.
One of Charlie T's pets is Trent Belnap, somewhere below Josh Ritter, Jake Plummer, Built To Spill, and Dawn Wells in the world of Idahoan celebrities. Trent's voice is a powerhouse, evoking old school country in both its delivery and the song itself. Is this my favorite Trent Belnap song? No. But it's good and I can see why Charlie T digs it.


TRACK 11: Backwards Walk (daytrotter piano version) - Frightened Rabbit
SPIKE RULE: There's nothing wrong with including a song that the person already know (and loves). Placement, however, is key. Correct placement can build trust and help bridge the listener to the next less-familiar song.
Charlie T. dropped this song in the perfect spot, with a twist. He knew I love, love, love this song. So its inclusion is smart on its own, but he upped the ante by including a version that might actually be better than the album version AND that I had never heard. Perfect placement, right in the middle to get me back in the groove for the second half.

Part II coming next. Try to contain your enthusiasm.

If the playoffs started today...

Here are a few of the current match-ups for the 2009 NBA Playoffs

LeBron in Cleveland for the next 10-15 vs. Mo Williams not turning into Boobie Gibson
by that I mean one lights out game and lights off every other game

Mikki Moore and Teambury vs. The Ghosts of PJ and Sam
Something tells me Mikki isn't going to rebound better than the Notorious P.J.B. in only 6 minutes per game.
And I don't see Teambury being content in warmups the entire postseason.

Iverson starting (6-18) vs. Hamilton starting (2-0)
Unless Iverson gets a walker...or waived.

NBA marketing vs. the economy
How can Stern resist Shaq vs. Kobe in the first round? 'Bro vs. Wade in the second round?
So who does he have to bribe for these to happen? Is Bennett still in his back pocket? Does he still have those pictures of Mark Cuban? Can he talk China into taking Yao back right now? Or talk Houston into waving the rest of their team?

Would You Jump Off A Cliff If He Did?

Dear LeBron,

I know you spent a lot of time with Kobe over the summer. And I know you think he is soooo cool. But this is really a new low in emulation. You had ZERO ASSISTS last night against the Houston Rockets. I can excuse the Kobe-esque 33% shooting, the Black Mamba-ish one-on-five with everyone standing around watching you, even the post-dunk scowl. But for Mr. I'm Gonna Average A Triple Double For My Career? This was inexcusable. Even Ben "I Broke My Leg and Didn't Know It" Wallace had more assists and rebounds than you in half the time.

Keep this up and you'll never escape the curse of being the next Kobe Bryant. Except that Shaq won't be coming to give you a title.

Sincerely,

Charlie T. Hustle Jr.


P.S. One rebound was pretty pathetic too. Correction, Really pathetic.

Dream Team-Up, Pt. 15

Team Name: Black Mambas
Team Members: Kobe Bryant and Amare Stoudemire

Black Mambas works for Kobe because he gave himself the nickname. It's only fitting he would name the team too. (Take note, Mitch Kupchak.)
Black Mambas works for Amare because nobody seems to want him around just like you wouldn't want the snake around either. It also works for Amare because- when faced with a Black Mamba- you are defense-less.

Plus Bryant gets stiffed by Shaq, LeBron, Gasol and now Bynum is hurt and who else really wants to play with Kobe? Bruce Bowen? Derek Fisher? Kobe's smart enough to choose a big guy no matter how defensively porous he is. Because somebody gots to get the boards if I ever miss...(calculated laughter that lasts a little too long.)

This is maybe the second most daunting pairing we came up with. Which means the best one is coming...